Husband not coping

Does anyone have any advice dealing with a husband who is not dealing with a diagnosis? He’s leaning on me for emotional support and has spent most of the holidays drunk (he was a heavy drinker before) but he just sees the diagnosis as using drinking as a way to cope. I’m trying to stay strong and recover from chemo while caring for our daughter. I’ve been dealing with things pretty well but his outlook is just causing tension and frustration. I understand he’s doing it tough but I need support now. I nursed him through a cancer diagnosis 5 years ago but he says he can’t handle it because it’s me. Sorry for the rant. Does anyone have any suggestions? 


  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,960
    Pleased that you have been able to move in a way that you can manage.  It's difficult when you have a small person who needs security but it's important now for you to concentrate on yourself and that is going to be different things for different people and times.
  • Locksley
    Locksley Member Posts: 949
    Sending you a hug @Brownowl.  Glad you have had some family step in and help.   Take the time to step back and heal and recover.  Thinking of you. 
  • Blossom1961
    Blossom1961 Member Posts: 2,419
    @Brownowl Just sending a massive hug your way. I agree with what was said above. Look after yourself lovely.
  • Brownowl
    Brownowl Member Posts: 21
    I agree. Today was another better day all round. Things are looking up. 😊
  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,582
    Hard yards!
    Hopefully in a sober light the message gets through.  
    Best wishes as you navigate treatment 
  • Anne65
    Anne65 Member Posts: 425
    @Brownowl Hoping you are going OK & that family life is improving. You have been given some wonderful advice above so hope this has all helped. 
    Not sure if you have enlisted the aid of a McGrath Breast Care nurse to help you through your treatment/recovery. I did & found her help,advice & support invaluable & all for free! We would email or ring each other when I had a silly question to ask or she would contact me to see how i was going. She also visited me personally when she was in my area.
    When i first started seeing her, she said that her service was not only for me but for ANY family member/relative/friend who had questions, concerns & wasnt coping with my diagnosis. She was wonderful & these nurses offer free counselling for any relative. i wondered if this may be of help to you as it wouldn't be as confronting as going to see a GP/counselor/psychologist at their rooms when she could possibly come to your home. If it was included in a support visit for you, then your husband could speak to her during the visit & maybe your daughter too.
    I hope you stay strong & positive for you as you need to look after number one & care for your daughter. I know it is hard for family looking on as they often feel helpless in this situation & your husband maybe reliving his own cancer journey but that is no excuse for not supporting you through yours. If anything, he should know how you feel & he may not mean it, but his actions are a little selfish when you need his support. Sending love, strength & prayers to you & be kind to yourself xxxx