A Journey with My Husband
Hi Everyone, Thought I'd post my speech from Monday's Mini Field here for a couple of you to read as requested. Thanks.
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My personal journey begins back in 2003 - when because of a strong family history, my GP suggested that myself, my younger sister and my mum get tested for the BRCA1 gene - (the gene commonly associated with the increased risk of breast & ovarian cancers) - it wasn’t a great shock to me when our results came back, that we were all BRCA1 positive.
I had already lost my great-grandmother, great-aunt, grandmother and several cousins to breast cancer.
Knowing I was positive wasn’t a big deal to me at the time, it just meant yearly mammograms and being more vigilant, so I just went on with my life.
My husband and I had been working hard to build up our small business and raise our 2 daughters, when in 2007, at the age of 37, I was diagnosed with early breast cancer, and because I was BRCA1 + it was highly aggressive and had already spread to my lymph nodes. I was devastated. How could this happen?
Immediately, life as I knew it had turned upside down and the world felt like it had completely stopped.
Suddenly my work and family commitments had to fit around Dr’s appointments, specialist appointments, scans & tests, surgery, 6 months of chemotherapy, & more surgery! It was blur and surely someone else’s nightmare.
Immediately following my diagnosis, my family fell apart, my husband had lost his dad to cancer and was terrified that he was going to lose me as well. But I held it together. It felt like I went in to auto-pilot. I was just doing what had to be done to get through each day. After all I was a wife, mother and business owner, I didn’t have time to have Breast cancer!
I had my eldest daughter starting her year 11 exams and my youngest daughter in reception. So I needed to speak to teachers, coaches, principals and their friends’ parents. They were all so amazing - school pick up rosters were organised – play dates & sleep over’s. Then teachers at the school partnered up and devised a dinner roster, so our family had home cooked meals during the weeks following my chemotherapy. We were overwhelmed to say the least. I think I cried every time a meal was delivered. It’s great how a community, even strangers, can rally around a family in such a time of need.
Meanwhile my family were doing everything they could to keep our everyday lives on track. I was ADAMANT that I was ok, and that my husband should not take any time off and we should try and keep up our family routine as best we could. I really wanted my girls’ lives to be untouched by this as much as possible. - Of course, what I REALLY meant was - please drop whatever you’re doing at work and be with me every minute of every day holding my hand. - I think this is where Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus. We say the opposite to what we are actually thinking – hoping our partners will see through it.
So dutifully, my husband went off to work every morning, thinking this is what I wanted - what I needed from him.
He called me several times during the day - where I said “all was ok” - instead of - “please come home honey, I need you”.
I had the full support of my husband throughout my diagnosis and treatments – he would come home after 14 hour days at work and do the washing, vacuum the floors, help with homework - but looking back, it wasn’t what I REALLY needed.- What I REALLY needed was him to be there emotionally, to make me feel like I wasn’t being a burden - to understand if I just wanted to cry, I didn’t need a solution - I just needed him to be there for me.
During a marriage or life partnership – there are many bumps in the road – this one was a mountain – one that we are still climbing – with good communication, lots of teamwork and patience – we hope, that one day, we’ll be holding hands and sliding happily and together, down the other side!
So I’d like to take this opportunity to pay tribute not just to my gorgeous husband David, but to all husbands & partners out there struggling to know what to say or do.
We love you and we need you.
Comments
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Said so beautifully! Sometimes in all of the "stuff" we don't say what we really want to. We try to pretend all is normal. Relationships change and evolve and hopefully, breast cancer in many cases allows us to appreciate so much more the good in our lives especially our partners.
Thank you to you , to your husband, to my husband, to all partners out there supporting loved ones with BC - THANK YOU!
Amanda xx
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Yes indeed that was beautifully written and yes the tissues are out too.
It wasn't until i got Breast cancer that i truly understood what was really involved both physically and emotionally. It still really amazes me when i come across a person like yourself who fought your battles in silence but yet did it with compassion and great respectability for others. You are a brave woman and should be so proud of yourself .
As women, we think we can do everything but sometimes we need to just stand back and accept that extra little cuddle to help us through our daily lives...
All the best
Cheers Joxx
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Yes indeed that was beautifully written and yes the tissues are out too.
It wasn't until i got Breast cancer that i truly understood what was really involved both physically and emotionally. It still really amazes me when i come across a person like yourself who fought your battles in silence but yet did it with compassion and great respectability for others. You are a brave woman and should be so proud of yourself .
As women, we think we can do everything but sometimes we need to just stand back and accept that extra little cuddle to help us through our daily lives...
All the best
Cheers Joxx
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Well done. I have been meaning to contact you re your interview on our Sunday show last Sunday - and then you send this speech through. It is so true what you said and I will print it off and leave a copy by my husband's bedside. He is a stubborn "bugger" but when I am not looking he will read it. (I did the same with - I think it is Scott's speech that he posted this week) Like your husband - and I'm sure there are lots more - my husband took on the "breadwinner" role. Mind you he has been a marvellous carer - doing what he thought to be the "right" things. "Here eat this, you need to have good food in you". To be perfectly honest with you from my perspective he has hated every minute of my BC journey. It is just so hard for him to watch me not be the full me whilst I am on treatment. I'm sure this is the same for others. It has exhausted him and made him even more withdrawn. So thank you and (Scott) for putting your speeches out there so I can "show" my husband that he is not alone in his way of coping. I love him to bits and wish I could take away his "worry of losing me" and his constant need to "keep the coffers coming in". XLeonie
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Well done. I have been meaning to contact you re your interview on our Sunday show last Sunday - and then you send this speech through. It is so true what you said and I will print it off and leave a copy by my husband's bedside. He is a stubborn "bugger" but when I am not looking he will read it. (I did the same with - I think it is Scott's speech that he posted this week) Like your husband - and I'm sure there are lots more - my husband took on the "breadwinner" role. Mind you he has been a marvellous carer - doing what he thought to be the "right" things. "Here eat this, you need to have good food in you". To be perfectly honest with you from my perspective he has hated every minute of my BC journey. It is just so hard for him to watch me not be the full me whilst I am on treatment. I'm sure this is the same for others. It has exhausted him and made him even more withdrawn. So thank you and (Scott) for putting your speeches out there so I can "show" my husband that he is not alone in his way of coping. I love him to bits and wish I could take away his "worry of losing me" and his constant need to "keep the coffers coming in". XLeonie
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Good on you, Sam, you did such a good job of speaking on Monday!
(glad you didn't miss your plane!
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Good on you, Sam, you did such a good job of speaking on Monday!
(glad you didn't miss your plane!
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Hey Sam
WOW what a great speech. Its so good to hear everyones, story and to hear how we dealt with it.
Thank you for sharing with us
Scotty H
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