Trying to cope alone

neenyneeny Mornington Peninsula VictoriaMember Posts: 4
edited June 11 in Newly diagnosed
Hi I have just been diagnosed with early stage breast cancer and due for a operation on Frid 14th June. Trying to be positive with only good thoughts but it is hard doing this by myself. I am 59 yrs young, my son lives in WA and my mum has dementia. I have not told my mum yet until I get the results back from pathology. I do not have many close friends but I do have one friend who has let me know she will be there for me as a chauffer and companion too. 


  • lrb_03lrb_03 Member Posts: 1,031
    Welcome, @neeny to the club that none think we'll ever belong to. I'm glad you've reached out for support. You'll find plenty of that here. 
    This is a safe place to ask what you want/need, but always remember, any advice comes from our personal experiences.  It can't replace the advice of your medical team. 
    Going through cancer is tough, in any situation. I'm sorry to hear that your son is a long way away, and that your mother has dementia. I could be wrong, but I'm guessing no siblings, at least nearby, either. I'm single, with a close extended family, so had the support of sisters  and parents as I went through active treatment, starting almost 4 years ago. People do genuinely want to help, so let them help in whatever ways you're comfortable with. 

    It's a safe place to vent, too, as you'll see on many posts. We're here to listen, and offer whatever support we can. Come often, or occasionaly, whatever works for you, there's usually someone around to answer.
    Take care 
  • neenyneeny Mornington Peninsula VictoriaMember Posts: 4
    Thanks Irb_03 for your advice. Yes this is not  a club I thought I would belong to but it is a part of the process that we have to go through. I do have a sibling but he does not count me as family anymore, his loss, not mine I realise that if someone offers to help I should accept their help which is not what I have done in the past. Thanks for you info I do appreciated your advise and please take care too.

  • ScaredycatScaredycat Member Posts: 35
    Welcome neeny, I’m in a similar situation to you & also don’t like asking for help. My family are not close & whilst my boyfriend stayed with me for the surgery & a couple of weeks after, he hasn’t been here for my first two chemo sessions nor when I was admitted to hospital with an infection. 
    It is harder on your own but I did accept help from someone who came with me to my first chemo treatment. The second one, I used the oncology transport service who were great.
    I’m not sure what services are in your area but you are best to ask your breast cancer nurse. I’ve also been utilising the wellness centre for social interactions, as well as the programs that they run.
    I must admit that I do find it hard to ask for help, but the people offering are very genuine. It is very refreshing & much appreciated to find genuine generous people out there. It’s one of the small blessings on this journey that we have found ourselves on.
  • Shellshocked2018_Shellshocked2018_ Fleurieu Peninsula , SAMember Posts: 137
    Welcome neeny, you have come to the right place for support and understanding of what you are feeling emotionally and physically.
    First of all I’m so sorry to hear of your mums illness, it must be a difficult time for you.
    You said early stage breast cancer, that’s great that it has been caught early.
    You didn’t mention what state or area you are in? As I’m sure other people will jump in and let you know what is out there to help you in your area.
    Has anyone spoken to you about a Breast cancer nurse? They are great for support and information in your area, also speaking to a psychologist will help you through this especially if you don’t have family close by.
    I went and did a meditation and mindfulness course when I was diagnosed in October last year which I found very beneficial.
    Stay positive, accept help when people offer. Keep talking here on BCNA to vent, good and bad as we are all here to help each other get through this shitty experience.
    It will be a roller coaster ride of emotions, please don’t think you are alone as we are all here, we have all been there and most of us are still there.
    Together we can be strong.
    Any questions please don’t hesitate to ask, we are all here for you.


    Sending hugs your way xx

  • ZoffielZoffiel Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 2,713
    Hi @neeny
    It's normal to stress about how you will manage but, in my experience, people cope with cancer the same way they deal with any major challenge in their lives. Some circle the wagons and get every man and his dog involved, others knuckle down and quietly get on with it on their own.
    We all have our own needs and--also from my own experience--while cancer treatment absolutely sucks if you have to do the whole enchilada, there is not that much help anyone can give you that you can't go without in a pinch. Your mum might be the major hurdle, the rest is mainly logistics.
    Good luck and keep plodding forward, it's the only way through this mess. Mxx
  • jennyssjennyss Western NSWMember Posts: 507
    Dear @neeny, Hope your op on Friday goes well. Stay in touch.

    from jennyss in Western NSW
  • Giovanna_BCNAGiovanna_BCNA Administrator, Staff, Member, Moderator Posts: 997
    Hello @neeny
    Welcome to our online community you will find many supportive members here online. Its great that you have reached out for support at this very stressful time.  Dont hesitate to call our helpline on 1800 500 258 to speak with one of the cancer nurses if you require support and or information.  There is also the Cancer Helpline on 13 11 20, they can provide information regarding local support groups in your area.  All the best with your operation scheduled for this Friday.  Take care of you, kind regards
  • neenyneeny Mornington Peninsula VictoriaMember Posts: 4
    Thanks for your best wishes and other information provided its does help being able to share with new online members. 
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