Hi all I'm grateful that I've gotten through invasive treatment and life has kind of gone back to normal, although I'm still working out my 'new normal'. I finished rads 6 week ago and have been on Tamoxifen for the last couple of weeks. I've been very tired, which I know could be an after effect of rads, and am also very nervous about the potential horrible side effects of Tamo. I've also been very depressed and seemingly small things set me off. I really don't care about my job anymore, which in a way is a good thing, as it means I no longer work 60 hour weeks. I'm only working a regular full-time load. But it's making me very depressed and I'm considering a career change, but don't think I have the energy to start a new job. But everyone - apart from my partner - seems to think I should be ok. I have to have a performance review with my boss next week and talk about my 'career goals'. I no longer have any! Not working 60 hours a week is it! No doubt not wanting to climb the ladder is going to go against me - and I've been told before that if I don't go for promotion, I'll eventually be sacked. Up or out. But I'm really tired of other people saying that I should be thankful for my supposedly fabulous job. A close friend also advised me to 'stop being so negative' about my work. Telling a depressed person to not be negative!! I know I should probably see a counsellor, but I don't have the energy to deal with all that emotion...So, really, just a little vent to people who'll understand. Thanks all.

Thank you everyone - you're all wonderful! I was having a particularly bad day - but you're right @kezmusc, I got through that day, and the next couple haven't been so bad. And yes, long-term, big goals, are just beyond my comprehension at the moment. And I do do things just for me. I have a sport I love and train regularly, I take my lovely dogs out for walks, so I am getting some 'me' time. And you're right @Afraser - I haven't liked my job for a long time, but am taking time and space to work out what I want to do next. Thanks again everyone, you've helped so much.

I only say what I'm comfortable for the world to know on the open forum. I save more private stuff for the PMs and closed groups.

@rose @iserbrown is right...no way are you a fraud. I thought i had a relatively easy path through bc, 2 lumpectomies, no rads, no chemo, just hormone therapy. But whatever path your bc went it still hits you in ways that you least expect and that's the hard part. Would i have coped any better if my husband hadn't had prostate cancer at the same time? I like to think i would've but i don't know. Do i still hanker after the old me...you bet i do...the one who could perform any task without having to think how to do it without hurting a particular part of my body, my hands mainly. Go see that counsellor again because it sounds like you need it and like iserbrown said if you have any leave up your sleeve take it to give yourself time to take stock of where your life is now and where you want want it to go. Do what makes you happy. Cathxx

I consider I got through relatively easily - mastectomy, chemo, herceptin and still on AIs - but no nausea, fatigue, chemo brain or depression. But a good counsellor (consulted when I hit my third long term side effect) clarified my thinking of what was 'normal' considerably. I was handling cancer just fine, but was I really anticipating keeping up a 60 hour week, what were my career wishes, what was I working to achieve? It wan't so much that cancer had changed my ideas, more that I had been ignoring signs of what I didn't want/like for some time prior to diagnosis. A life threatening illness, no matter how 'lightly' you get off, is likely to force some reconsiderations about how you want to spend your time! I'm still the same person, I haven't turned into someone different - but I focus better on how I spend my time, who I spend it with and what gives me satisfaction. Small steps, not necessarily doing impulsive things that you may later regret, will get you where you need to be in the long run. Best wishes.

Depression is the worst aspect i had to deal with. I think after telling myself and my hubby about 3 times 'i think i need to see someone' i finally did and yes it helped. It went totally against the grain because I'd always been able to work through lifes ups and downs myself. This time i couldn't. It doesn't help when other people think that you should be ok...cos really you're not. That takes time, lots of long walks to help clear your head and sometimes help from someone who is trained and also doesn't know you from a bar of soap! If you're able to i think a few people in your life need to be told exactly how you are feeling right now because to honest, they don't have a clue, not having been through what you have. I was brutally honest with a couple of people and yes it did it make a difference afterwards. Try not to focus on the potential side effects of the drug. You may be one of the lucky ones who don't cop it as bad. Time is great healer, so the saying goes and it's true. I kept telling myself, give it 12 months cos it's going to take that long for things to settle down and it did and it has. Most of all, be kind to yourself @rose Cathxx

Coping with the 'new normal' | BCNA Online Network

22 Replies

Sister
Member
7 years ago
I only say what I'm comfortable for the world to know on the open forum. I save more private stuff for the PMs and closed groups.
rose
Member
7 years ago
Thanks @Giovanna_BCNA for clarifying this situation. I was unaware that this is an open group. I'd feel a lot more comfortable if it was closed! At least know we know...
Zoffiel
Member
7 years ago
@rose I have similar concerns. While I appreciate it's a public forum and @sarahs has had some positive and enthusiastic responses to her posts, this is not a venue where every student of every discipline related to breast cancer should come to gather information. Unless, of course, they are present as guests and not interacting with the members. Read all you like, but don't use us to further your career by bumping into a consumer space. Please. I've had similar concerns in the past
Like you, I very much doubt that any ethics committee or supervisor would approve.
Giovanna_BCNA
Member
7 years ago
Hello @kezmusc

We have our community guidelines which let members know that the forum is a public space.
I have attached the guidelines below for members who would like to view.
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/19189/community-guidelines#latest
The tab in the top navigation bar titled Community info contains the guidelines and how to navigate the online community.

kind regards
kezmusc
Member
7 years ago
@Sister, I didn't realise for a long while that you could just google and find out conversations. I really wasn't all that impressed when I found out to tell you the truth. I guess we all forget that fact when we pour out our depest darkest secrets, it feels like it's just us on here. I just assumed at the beginning it was all private. I think a lot of new people may not know that unless they go looking.
Giovanna_BCNA
Member
7 years ago
Hello everyone,
A quick email to reassure you that @SarahS and I have been in contact today, she is aware of our community guidelines and that this is a peer support community. Health professionals are allowed to join our online network and usually read posts rather than contributing to them. Dont hesitate to contact me if you have any concerns.
SarahS
Member
7 years ago
Hi @rose , I just want to confirm that I am in no way using the posts on this forum as data. Yes, as you mentioned I have not obtained participant consent so I cannot use information posted here as data for research. Also, as per the "community guidelines" moderator post, I cannot post a survey to collect data without contacting them first.
I have been delighted with many of the positive responses I have received, however, I completely understand your reservations. I have just contacted the moderators to clarify this issue. Of course, I will remove my posts if needed :)
Sister
Member
7 years ago
Actually, @rose - this is an open forum - anyone can see the discussions here without registering. They just can't post. So our stories could be being used by anyone in the world and unless they tell us, we are none the wiser. The closed groups are the private ones. But probably a good idea @SarahS to have a chat to the mods @Giovanna_BCNA?
arpie
Member
7 years ago
If you check out this thread, @rose, Sarah explains that she is not using any of the posts for any study or her PhD etc ...

https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/20646/how-can-psychologists-help/p1

We have had other professionals put up posts requesting areas of interest for them to look into (e.g. specific research areas recently) ..... and it is well worth getting it from the horse's mouth, than just guessing.
rose
Member
7 years ago
Hi @SarahS, that's great that you're a psych who wants to help BC patients and survivors. I'm an academic, and while I support your research and career, it's not ethical to use people's stories from this forum. This forum is a safe space for people going through BC, and we are not research participants. We have not given consent for information to be collected or used, even if only for your information. I also don't think it's ethical for you to be on this site. You might want to discuss this with your PhD supervisor and rethink your approach. The admin team might also be able to clarify the policy on this. I wish you well with your work and your research.