Diagonosed in July 2017 then went onto to have a double mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction. Am yet to have nipple reconstruction as was sick of surgery and procedures plus am very comfortable with my body the way it is. Maybe one day I will go back for them. But in the meantime breasts look so natural in bathers and this is wonderful and I appreciate how lucky I am.I am ever grateful for each day feeling healthy and well. Anyway, was at GP who I hadn’t seen for a couple of years (during which time I’d had total hysterectomy due to giant ovarian growths then the breast cancer) and I was telling him about how great I feel after all the medical drams I’ve endured and how comfortable with my body, when he suddenly interrupted me and said “Yes but would you feel comfortable finding a new partner, I mean you are single aren’t you?’.....I was completely astounded. Instead of feeling expowered by my positive journey, I suddenly felt defective: forget about the strength and positivity I have maintained through the hard time, it suddenly boiled down to “but would a man find your breasts attractive?...” I get that breasts and sexuality is a valid and big element but I was (momentarily)crushed to have an older man and a doctor!! reduce me to the state of my breasts and if they pass as sexual objects.! Anyway, I stomped down to local swimming pool and proudly swam in my bathers and changed in the change room openly. I really wish some medical proffesionals would think before they make these types of comments: I thought they would better educated in these matters. Thanks

Thanks everyone for your feedback: really appreciated. Patti I completely understand what you are saying about discretion in a change room scenario.We all have different levels of what we feel comfortable with and we should never be made to feel pressure or judgement regarding what makes us uncomfortable. Unbelievably insensitive comment to your friend. In the end, they are our bodies and ultimately that’s the main point out of all of this discussion regardless of our ages, marital status etc. Kmakm: your experience sounds like my PS and his obsession with giving me nipples! He cant understand how/why I am not up to it at the moment. I think they see so many patients and sort of lose perspective : that they are talking to people going through a life changing stressful time. Anyway thanks again all.

What a twitsack! I can totally agree with you not wanting to waste energy on him. There is a thread here about the ridiculous things people have said to us (one of the more tech savvy can probably put up a link) which might give you a giggle because, really, sometimes all you can do is laugh.I'm a walking example of someone with substantial deformities from a failed retread attempt, and I can tell you that having tits that look like they've been hit by a stick blender has been no real obstacle when it comes to finding a new love interest. I'd like to have ten minutes of that man's time to educate him on what really matters and what I think of those who are more interested in what is going on under my shirt than what is going on between my ears. Mind you, if he is that dense after years in his profession he'd probably write me off as being either hysterical or deluded--that seems to be how their heads work. Phhffft. Mxx

Agh!!! Yes, reduced to 'you've got to have boobs to get a man.' First wave feminists called this 'being subject to the possessive male gaze'. In my experience it is difficult for many men to understand that such comments are sexist and deeply offensive and distressing. Would I let him know that I was offended and distressed? Not sure given the emotional roller-coaster ride of BC. Trust you are feeling restored by the responses you've received.

Thanks all. Glad it wasn’t just me feeling overly sensitive to his frankly odd comment. HIs priorities are clearly very different to those of us who are happy to be here ! Yes: never seeing him again but I feel it’s a shame that I didn’t say anything to him so he will never know how his comments came across. I was too caught off guard at the time. But best to move on and not give him any more of my energy! Just hope he doesn’t say such things to other people.

Insensitive GP comments.... | BCNA Online Network

16 Replies

AR17
Member
7 years ago
Exactly! You have to laugh...
Sister
Member
7 years ago
@AR17 Yours definitely belongs on that thread!

If you don't laugh...
Zoffiel
Member
7 years ago
That's the one @sister !
Sister
Member
7 years ago
Also https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/17916/is-that-right-did-you-really-say-that/p1
AR17
Member
7 years ago
Thank you!
Giovanna_BCNA
Member
7 years ago
Hello @AR17, here is the thread @Zoffiel was referring to
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/5574/silly-things-people-have-said-to-you
Beryl_C_
Member
7 years ago
Agh!!! Yes, reduced to 'you've got to have boobs to get a man.' First wave feminists called this 'being subject to the possessive male gaze'. In my experience it is difficult for many men to understand that such comments are sexist and deeply offensive and distressing. Would I let him know that I was offended and distressed? Not sure given the emotional roller-coaster ride of BC. Trust you are feeling restored by the responses you've received.
rose
Member
7 years ago
Yes, outrageous! Can you see someone else? And yep, not surprised to hear about misogyny in the medical profession. He'd be horrified by some of my friends, who've had breasts removed and not reconstructed and proudly display their chests, as the wonderful women they are.
Zoffiel
Member
7 years ago
What a twitsack! I can totally agree with you not wanting to waste energy on him. There is a thread here about the ridiculous things people have said to us (one of the more tech savvy can probably put up a link) which might give you a giggle because, really, sometimes all you can do is laugh.
I'm a walking example of someone with substantial deformities from a failed retread attempt, and I can tell you that having tits that look like they've been hit by a stick blender has been no real obstacle when it comes to finding a new love interest. I'd like to have ten minutes of that man's time to educate him on what really matters and what I think of those who are more interested in what is going on under my shirt than what is going on between my ears. Mind you, if he is that dense after years in his profession he'd probably write me off as being either hysterical or deluded--that seems to be how their heads work. Phhffft. Mxx
AR17
Member
7 years ago
Thanks everyone for your feedback: really appreciated. Patti I completely understand what you are saying about discretion in a change room scenario.We all have different levels of what we feel comfortable with and we should never be made to feel pressure or judgement regarding what makes us uncomfortable. Unbelievably insensitive comment to your friend. In the end, they are our bodies and ultimately that’s the main point out of all of this discussion regardless of our ages, marital status etc. Kmakm: your experience sounds like my PS and his obsession with giving me nipples! He cant understand how/why I am not up to it at the moment. I think they see so many patients and sort of lose perspective : that they are talking to people going through a life changing stressful time. Anyway thanks again all.