Coping with a cancer diagnosis at Christmas, some helpful tips...

Giovanna_BCNA

Hello everyone,

Its not long now until Christmas and the summer holiday season.  As we all know, cancer doesn't take a break at Christmas time. 
We have recently had quite a few new members join the online network as a result of a new breast cancer diagnosis.  They will be having investigations and or treatment over Christmas and New Year break.   It would be great for them to hear from our online community re any helpful tips as how to best manage this time of year, with a new cancer diagnosis.

One of my tips is to make sure you have some supports in place.  If you are having treatment, find out who you need to contact if you have any concerns and to keep a notebook with any contact phone numbers that you may need by the phone.  Find out your GPs availability and have a back up plan if necessary.  If you are worried about something its better to ask the question.  No question is a silly questions when you are coping with a cancer diagnosis.  

Mjheke

Thanks @Giovanna_BCNA,

I look forward to some of the suggestions as I will be having treatment over the Christmas period. I am due to see the Radiation Oncologist tomorrow, so it will be nice to know what the plan will be. At the moment we have a trip booked back to NZ to be with family for Christmas and I am wondering if they will work around this or whether I will have to change my plans.
Thanks,
Michelle 

kmakm

What a good idea Giovanna!

I was diagnosed on the 4th December last year, had two operations in eight days, saw a counsellor, a plastic surgeon, and then everyone vanished, including my breast surgeon and breastcare nurse, for a month, with the exception of my oncologist, who I'd met once. And she went away two weeks after everyone else. I was bereft and felt abandoned. I had so many questions, concerns and issues and felt I had nowhere to turn. I was not on this forum at that time, a newb in this world, and desperately upset.

So my advice would be to find out if any of your medical team are taking leave, and ask them very specifically who you should contact in their absence. I had offices that were completely unattended, with no one checking the answering machines. It was horrible.

As for Christmas... well it's often a challenge at the best of times. A lot of us are torn between wanting to keep things as normal as possible, and pulling the (summer) doona over our heads and hiding. I soldiered on and did Christmas as usual including dinner for 13 (which included a lovelorn Fin visiting in the vain hope that my sister would fall in love with him... that added an interesting dimension to the day!). Due to my family history I especially needed to keep things normal for my children. However, depending on your circumstances I would advise looking deep inside and making the decision carefully. If you need to step away, bow out, withdraw etc, this is the time to do it. Our usual mantras here of being kind to yourself and putting yourself first doubly applies at Christmas, which is exhausting enough as it is, without cancer treatment added on top.

We're just over a month out, so now would be a good time to email those concerned to tell them that you will or won't be contributing as normal.

I'm the only person who can 'do' Christmas in my family, and this year face the decision of how to approach it. I'll be away until late on the 22/12, so the decorations will be left for others to do! I will not be thrashing myself to produce the perfect day. I simply do not have the energy or the emotional wellbeing to take on everyone's expectations this year. I'll be as organised as possible but I'm not going to load myself up with the usual stress.

Well, that's my resolution anyway...!

CathyMac

Thank you! I will be watching this thread for all the tips and advice. We should have been in the Italian Alps for Christmas but this cancer has sure thrown in the spanner in the works. So do not have any plan for an Australian Christmas which will end up being a good thing i guess as know will be expecting any on my part.

I have had all mt CT scans this morning and off to have the bone scan at 1:30 today. My surgeon had a cancellation so am in on Thursday instead of Friday this week. Not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. Just another to stress about it over the weekend.

Chelley59

Im going in for my second lumpectomy...then my radiotherapy...feel pretty good at the moment....enjoying time with my 4 yr old grandson today....his mum is not as fortunate as me...she has stage 3 and is on the last two of her chemo....31 yrs old...both diagnosed within a wk of each other...how lucky am i to have reached 59yrs without it....im more afraid for her 😢

Giovanna_BCNA

Hi @Chelley59 sending you a private message

Blossom1961

@kmakm I will do your truffles in the New Year so that we do not need to worry about fitting in a meeting up time before Christmas if that is okay. Hugs. xxx

kmakm

I think a new year truffle sounds marvellous @Blossom1961! Something to look forward to. K xox

Zoffiel

I'm going to sound like the voice of doom again--maybe that is my role in life.

Hospitals make more mistakes during the festive season than at any other time. There are a number of reasons for this, as @kmakm has pointed out, senior staff take much needed leave. Hospitals are reduced to limited staff and while elective procedures are usually not scheduled in late December, cancer treatment isn't exactly optional. Medical staff are people too (most of them) and they suffer the same misery as the rest of us when they are overworked and would much rather be somewhere else. Added to this is the change in authority that accompanies junior staff taking up more responsibility or, indeed, arriving newly minted in January with their shiny new stethoscopes and pointy new shoes. We are hearing more and more about the toxic state of medicine in this country and the culture of bullying is never more evident than it is at Christmas. Young staff are either too elated or too frightened to ask advice and people are pushed into situations where they have insufficient support and have to make decisions about things they aren't well informed about.

Sorry to be so blunt, but I spent 4 weeks in the slammer over Xmas and new year in 2006/07 and had what can only be described as the mother of all cluster fucks surround my treatment in late December 2016.

So, my advice:

• Avoid any treatments that can be reasonably delayed until the grown ups come back from holidays
• Find out who is in charge if your specialist is away and make them your go-to person. Email them if you have to and CC your specialist in.
• Always, always keep detailed records of who tells you what and when. Names, dates, times and any questions or concerns you had. That applies to the nursing staff as well. It won't hurt you to be able to call everyone by name, so find that information out and write it down. Normal structures and routines can go out the window so don't rely on seeing the same face two days running. Know who your are talking about.
• If someone makes you nervous or appears uncertain, ask to see someone else higher up the food chain
• Write everything in a diary--yes I know I'm repeating myself but I can't stress how important that is if something goes wrong. It also helps pass the time and removes any possibility that you can be told you must have been a bit confused 
• Advocate for yourself. Do not be frightened of asking questions. Everyone is going to appear far too busy to have much time for you, but there is a difference between being properly informed (your right by law) and being needy.
• As far as the festive/family stuff is concerned, ask someone else who doesn't start snarling at the sight of tinsel. I do, however, recommend you order takeaway or get a meal brought in for you on Christmas day, particularly if you have any dietary issues. There is nothing sadder than Christmas lunch, hospital style.

Good luck and remember, everything passes--which is certainly true if someone tries to feed you grey brussell sprouts on 25/12.

Wonk

I’m currently alternating between using my time to live in a shell and using my time to actively plan for things like Christmas. Last year I threw out my old Christmas tree with the plan of buying a new one long before now. Yesterday I bought one on line with lights already fitted. I’ll get the kids to decorate and I promise I won’t be anal if the colour symmetry is not right. Also thanks to @kmakm suggestion last week I have started ordering gifts on line. I can’t face the thought of hitting the shops but it’s been quite good doing it online. I’ll probably forget what I’ve ordered by the time it arrives 😊
Thanks @Zoffiel I have started recording everything because suddenly there’s lots happening and dates/names are getting vague for everything.
Luckily Christmas is not at mine this year, so I’m actually just going to sit back and let others do things, and not feel guilty...promise.

[Deleted User]

I have had surgery just before my surgeon has headed off for her holidays. The other doctor was excellent and their communication was great. I also found starting radiotherapy in the new year to be no problem at all. This was in the private sector.  I had phone numbers if I needed them and my care has been excellent during the year and in the breaks. My GP is a fairly recent graduate. She goes the extra mile, orders tests when I want them and is a great doctor. It is about keeping your own records, communicating what you want and following up with any concerns. Also make sure you go home with adequate pain killers and use them if necessary. 

LITHGOW1950

Some really good ideas from all the ladies.  I have taken a photo of your comments 
Zoffiel.  🌹

Sister

Focusing just on the family stuff... I was diagnosed on 6th and used the time between that and surgery to get the presents organised and get the groceries in.  I went into hospital on 21st and came out on 23rd.  My kids cooked the Christmas lunch with me supervising and they did a brilliant job - roast turkey with veg and pavlova for dessert.

arpie

I was still in denial leading up to Xmas!   My lumps were detected in Nov, I had inconclusive US & MG in early Dec, biopsy on Dec 27th ..... we had a quiet Xmas last year - the sibling's kids are all grown up now & didn't need 'the beach house' anymore ..... the siblings also had other plans - so it was just Hubby & I.  We always do Picnic by the water (no cooking for us!) and then we put the kayaks in & have a fish - because  from Boxing Day on here, you can walk across the water on all the boats out there (with absolute IDIOTS driving!!)

So .... I kept busy with my kayak-fishing or playing ukulele (we had 12+ Xmas gigs) to keep my mind off things whilst convincing myself it was just cysts.  They weren't.  By Jan 5th (the date of my results/diagnosis), I was ringing around everywhere trying to find a surgeon to 'get it out' as soon as possible - but they were all on holidays!  That first appointment I could get was Jan 15th, Sentinel Node biopsy on Jan 16th & surgery on Jan 17th!  Just 3-4 weeks later, I was playing at the Blue Mountains Ukulele Festival with my Uke Group!  YAY    

try & keep your Xmas preparations as simple as you can - totally up to you, relative to your recovery.  Delegate - get others to bring stuff & do stuff.    Make sure you have all your meds 'on hand' for the whole period.  

Enjoy it all, with your family & friends. xxx

poodlejules

I had a double lumpectomy on the 19th Dec but had decided upon diagnosis in late November to delegate, delegate , delegate , rest up and enjoy your Christmas ladies.

Romla

I guess I’d remind everyone that the blog is still here if you need it and for  those that may not this year  try to check in and help those that do.Christmas can be a tough time and it’s great to have someone who gets it in your corner during the festive season.