Should I be sad
The anniversary of my diagnosis is on Friday. At counselling last week we talked about words to describe the past year. Words included: busy, scary and challenging. The counsellor said they were normal words in this situation but the only thing she noted was it was unusual not to mention 'sad'. But when she asked me about that it does not seem sad to me - I suggested it was annoying rather than sad.
The first clear thought I had when I left the hospital after my diagnosis was that for the rest of my life I'm going to be cancer survivor and what a strange thing that would be. I never felt worried about dying - obviously that would be sad.
But for me, thinking about this past year & my cancer I would not call it sad. She said this was due to childhood trauma making me unable to recognise the sadness. She said we would just make a note of that & we didn't need to do anything about it.
But I keep thinking about it now. Should I be sad? I think it might make me go nutty as I feel like I am now trying to make myself sad so I will be normal.
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If the answer is no, then how could she/he know how we should feel? I am being a bit cynical here but who wants to feel sad? Not me that's for sure as it is a terrible feeling. If ever I do feel sad I quickly find out why and then rectify it by doing something or seeing someone positive. You feel how you feel and don't worry about being sad. XLeonie
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I have not reached my 1 yr mark yet. However when I do I hope I feel happy and relieved other than sad. I mean yeah emotional rollarcoaster and yeah shit yr, but hello im here sitting in ur office on my 1 yr anniversary.... yaahhhoooo!
Well I hope thats how I feel on the day, lol. dont drive urself crazy.
Who is 'normal' anyway? & who decides what is 'Normal'?
Do what YOU want! & Feel What YOU feel. Dont let other people tell u how to feel...
Does this make sense? Way past my bedtime
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I had been planning to go to work on Friday but now I am thinking I'll have the day off. I don't think I could concentrate on anything even if I tried.
Oddly enough thinking about not being sad has made me spend the morning crying. Hopefully that will help get some emotions out instead of being bottled up and I will feel better.
It seems amazing that nearly a whole year has passed. But it also seems amazing that it has only been a year - it seems like forever.
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I am feeling much the same way my one year is coming up on the 19th October I am dreading it I having been feeling teary about it I just wish life could to back to normal.0
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So, today is the big day. This morning I saw my counsellor again and asked about what she said last week about not being sad. She says she didn't say I wasn't sad just that I hadn't listed it when when we wrote my emotions up on the whiteboard.
She said she has seen me sad lots of times. I disagreed with that - she has seen me cry a lot of times but I would say that was due to being scared rather than sad. She thinks I just don't remember being sad but I have a clear memory of the day after I was diagnosed when I told my boss he said "that's sad" and I thought to myself "no, it's not sad - it's annoying"
Anyway I guess it doesn't matter. I think she just names the feelings differently to me. I think she felt bad that she had made me more worried instead of less worried which is her aim.
Today is the anniversary of my diagnosis. It is weird to think about it. Talking to a friend a couple of weeks ago she asked if I was tired of talking about it but the answer to that is no. I feel like I could talk about it all day for weeks on end.
It was about half past ten in the morning that I got the news so I am now into my second year post-diagnosis. I want a commemorative plaque of some sort.
I was thinking of what Alloa12 said about wanting life to go back to normal. That is what I have been wanting all this time too. I have heard a lot of people mention the "new normal" and it has confused me and slightly annoyed me. But just now for the first time I think I believed in the new normal.
In a lot of ways life is normal now but it is still weird for me to adapt back into things being normal. I'm not used to normal any more.
I feel lost and unable to cope. When I try to narrow down why I can't cope all I can come up with is that I can't cope with this feeling of being unable to cope.
The anniversary has been stressing me out so I am hoping that once today has passed I can start feeling better.
I have been to a support group a couple of times and I plan to go again but I'm not sure how helpful it is. I am not good at talking with new groups of people. I am thinking of trying dragon boating as I like the idea of doing an activity together.
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