12 months on

MaryR

Hello
im hoping someone out there can identify with my experience so I can shake the feeling of being a bit inadequate.
i was diagnosed 12 months ago, had 2 lots of surgery and 6 weeks of radiation treatment.
i have a stressful job, aging parents and have built a home - all in the last 12 months.
i feel exhausted and unable to focus or concentrate. Have difficulty sleeping and am teary and feeling anxious all the time. Is this something anyone else has experienced?
thank you so much for any advice.

Kiwi Angel

@MaryR sorry u feel like this. Sounds like u have had a massive amount of stuff on your plate - I’m exhausted just reading about it!  Have you considered going to talk to someone? Seems like you have a lot going on so how u feel makes sense. Xoxoxo

MaryR

Thanks for your reply. I think it’s time for that and a little time away from work. It’s just hard letting go and admitting it.
thanks again.
i hope you’re in goodhealth surrounded by loving support.
take care

Afraser

It's natural and normal. Not nice, not fun but natural. You don't just feel exhausted, you probably are. You have been coping, probably coping extremely well, running on empty and now it's all caught up with you. So one thing at a time - assuming your stressful job matters to you (I can understand that well) can you take a bit of time off?  So you can do the following:

*Get your GP to prescribe some sleeping pills, sleep is necessary to restore you and pills may help break the not-sleeping cycle. You get anxious about not sleeping and that anxiety stops you sleeping. You don't have to take them for very long to break the cycle. And you feel better while you are doing it.
*Consider getting some counselling - I wasn't too sure where I was at a year after diagnosis - finished treatment, not weepy, but very unclear. A few sessions with a counsellor was life changing. I suspect your pre BC 'normal' was like mine - mad!! Curiously enough, a close encounter with a life threatening illness can push you further than is sustainable, on top of everything else. I didn't make radical changes, but I did make some when opportunities arose and felt all the better for it. One of my bosses asked why I was paying good money (not a lot) to get someone to tell me what she could have told me. Fair enough, but I wouldn't have listened to my boss. Or friends. Or family. I needed a disinterested, calm stranger to point me to the things I preferred to ignore (but weren't going away). 
*Ageing parents - that's a whole thing by itself. Just thinking of building a home on top of all that.........do what you can to get some help. Are there other family members who can take some of the load off you, at least for a while. It's OK to ask, you are not inadequate but you are recovering from cancer.

Most of all, accept that you are now going into recovery. You thought that's what you were doing for the last 12 months, but no, that was treatment. Recovery means accepting that the whole ball and dice happened, that there are changes in your life and your thinking (possibly ultimately good ones) and that change is unsettling. Recovery takes a bit of time too. 

Things will get better, but you can help by accepting that this unpleasant feeling is ultimately healing. Your new 'normal' needs to develop. Six years on from diagnosis, I like my new normal a lot. It's not dissimilar to my old normal, but I am kinder to myself, enjoy the here and now more than worry pointlessly about the future and have trimmed some of the sap draining aspects of life out of my life! Best wishes.

Blossom1961

Wow. I am teary stressed and emotional WITHOUT all that extra stuff. I am seeing the ocology psych tomorrow. Ask your nurse what you have available. My hubby doesn't like psychs but he is supporting me on this one as it is so overwhelming at times. Take whatever help you can and never feel inadequate as BC does not play fair. Love Melody

MaryR

Thank you Afraser and Blossom1961 for taking the time to share your thoughts. Afraser, your list of to-dos makes sense. I just need to get past the idea I’ll let others down and look after me for a bit.
thankbyou both so much
take care

kmakm

Hi Mary, sounds a bit like PTSD to me, which is thought to be similiar in psychology to a BC diagnosis.

I second the ladies above. Time for a chat or two with a counsellor to help get yourself back onto an even keel. I know I have found it very helpful. K xox