Depression,PTSD and BC

Fletch

Hi all, this forum has been invaluable to me since my diagnosis on May 26 this year. Had lumpectomy ,left breast,including loss of nipple, clear margins, nodes all clear. Yay! Stage 1, grade 3.About to start chemo, TC, on Thursday.
Have lots of support too, I am very  fortunate.
I feel as prepared as I can be.....everyone on here’s advice etc. and lots of my own research.
I have had clinically diagnosed major depression for about 20 years and then added PTSD from an incident about 12 years ago. Now BC.
My gp has explained that often people with mental health issues cope very differently with physical illness. Because I can see what’s wrong and actually do something about it, meaning surgery , chemo etc, I can deal with it.
who would’ve thought I’d be saying yay for depression!?
Anyway, I was at first, very upbeat, not scared, sleeping fine.....here comes the rant......post surgery now , I hate the way I look, I am terrified of starting chemo and don’t want to get out of bed.
Yes, I have counselling all booked in and my gp is seeing me fortnightly.
I have so much to be grateful for, and I am.
Anyone able to share their mix of Mental health and BC?
Hoping I’m not alone.
Best wishes to all.xxx

kmakm

I will... but tomorrow! Gotta sleep. K xox

Kiwi Angel

I am one that tends to internalise things and just deal with it at the time and then have a breakdown later on. Happened when I saw my mother dying of cancer and about a year later I had a meltdown, got diagnosed with situational depression and was on antidepressants for a couple of years. Have been feeling ok about the whole breast cancer thing, losing a breast, chemo etc but know the same thing could happen so have taken advantage of being able to get 10 heavily discounted sessions so have my first appointment with a shrink Thursday week. I do have days where I mourn the loss of my boob and know I will have to live with the fear of this cancer popping back somewhere else for the rest of my life but unfortunately this is now the new normal. 

I was apprehensive about chemo too and although it wasn’t fun it wasn’t as bad for the most part as I expected. Some cycles/days were worse than others and we are all here to support u. I had the TC chemo too. 

Glad u have your counselling booked in too xoxox

Vangirl

Hi @Fletch , interesting what your GP mentioned. I have suffered from depression on and off for years and have found cancer easier to deal with in many ways.

For one thing, I have been able to reach out to family and friends for support without feelings of shame or stigma. To lean on others during cancer treatment is such a socially sanctioned act, isn't it?

I have had many feelings during this experience, from a zen like acceptance to hyperventilating about my imminent mortality in the wee hours.

I had chemo first, so I didn't have time to panic about it before it started. Surgery will be the last step for me and I'm fairly certain that I'm going to panic more closer to the time (late October). At the moment I am dealing with it by trying not to think about it. 

Because I knew that counseling has been helpful to me during depression, I took up the offer of counseling during cancer treatment with gratitude. My counselor is lovely, and is particularly helpful in letting me know when what I am feeling is similar to others going through cancer. I hope you will find it helpful too.

xxx and many hugs.

Sister

I have veered from shock to numbness to anxiety through the first half of active treatment.  I handled surgery pretty well, and I walked off my anxiety every morning over 5km and often came home to update my blog or rant on this site about something.  Chemo gradually knocked the physical stuffing out of me which made it impossible to do those walks by about a third of the way through.  Depression and a feeling of pointlessness has come by to visit and like an unwelcome visitor, refuses to move on.  I am trying (unsuccessfully) at the moment, to book into a psychologist - I don't know if I will be able to open up to her/him but I need to try as this is a long haul.  

What you have said about earlier depression helping with this experience has rung some bells for me.  My older sister, who lost her fight with BC in 1999, had also suffered with mental illness for all of her life and started receiving treatment as a teenager.  As I was younger, the family policy was to keep me in the dark about a lot of stuff that was going on, but I do remember her saying on a couple of occasions, that she was very comfortable discussing the treatment side of the cancer (but not the emotional side).  I wonder if it was because it was something that for her, seemed tangible?  My sister's mental health always caused significant problems for her but my admiration for how she lived with the BC has grown with my own diagnosis.

Zoffiel

I've gone from being a bit depressed and edgy sometimes to being actively odd. I worked in a very public environment for years but didn't socialise much. I accept visitors, but never enjoyed crowds or noise. I don't even like having the TV on in the house unless I'm watching it. The only music I can tolerate is at the gym or in the car--in both cases it disguises the creaks and rattles.

Lately I've become very reclusive. I went to Melbourne for the conference and it's taken me days to settle down. I communicate via phone or Internet but apart from going to the gym and shopping I don't talk to anyone I don't know if I can avoid it. Weird, huh? I think the chemo and AI have so affected my brain that I'm anxious about how I present if I have to say anything more than 'Please' and 'Thankyou'  This is not helpful for a woman who needs to get back into the workforce. BC the gift that keeps on giving.

Stay in bed for a couple of days if you want to. It gets really boring and smelly so you will get out in your own time. Mxx

Brenda5

I was diagnosed in 2015 with BC and had surgery then and chemo in 2016. In 2017 I finally complained to my GP enough that he sent me to a psychiatrist who diagnosed depression and PTSD due to the  BC. I was put on some antidepressants but my body rebelled against them and my lymph nodes swelled up causing concern by surgeon and my oncologist and triggered ultrasounds to the nodes to make sure it wasn't the BC coming back. I had to go off the pills and my psychiatrist said I was happy enough to just live without medication at the time. He never talked through my fears just threw pills at it. I asked my GP could I see the psychologist at the cancer care building but he said since I was finished chemo, I didn't qualify and it was only for those in active treatment, not hormonal therapy. I think the hormonal therapy is the hardest part as it just goes on an on year after year. I exist.

Artferret

I'd ask your gp again, Brenda5,  about getting a mental health management plan, where you get the 5 discounted visits. My psychologist said i was able to get it if i wanted and i was only on hormone therapy. Mind you I'm from Victoria,  don't know whether it's the same in qld.

Vangirl

@Sister, I have had feelings of grief and loss resurface this year (diagnosed in February). My mum passed away in 1994 from breast cancer when I was 19 (she was four years older than I am now). Do you feel this is the case for you too?

Sister

Yes - it was always in the back of my mind like a ticking bomb (and apparently in my right boob, ticking away, too).  I marked my 46th birthday as being officially older than my big sister.  It got me at 54 and, since I've been to the same hospitals as she was in, I often feel like there's some sort of "ghost" of things past.

Fletch

Wow! I can’t thank you all enough for sharing. I saw the counsellor this morning and feel so much better. The combination of that and this forum is perfect for me!
I am as prepared as I can be and have sooooo much support.
Let the ride begin!
Thank you all .

Vangirl

@Sister bless you. I know that ticking time bomb feeling too. I have been half expecting it since I turned 40 (the age my mum was first diagnosed) and made it to 42 before it got me.

Zoffiel

Glad to be of assistance, though I probably should revise the advice about staying in bed. It starts to look like this (credit Grey Gardens documentary, Big Edie at her finest.

Vangirl

@Zoffiel how did you get that photo of me during chemo?

Beryl C.

I was diagnosed May 2011, radical left masectomy Dec. 2011, have been on x3 weekly infusions of Herceptin (up to no. 93), a recurrence excised May 2016 and a new one just identified under the original scar tissue - x15 radiotherapy treatments starting tomorrow. For the last seven years, other than a feeling of sadness now and again, I've been on an emotional and cognitive 'even keel'. Following a car accident 16 years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD by a clinical psych.  My PTSD symptoms were very different to just a feeling of sadness - I won't give details as our responses and reactions to the world are all different. Only recently I noticed that I was feeling a little anxious about things that I would normally hardly notice, eg, making a mistake in my diary, forgetting to phone a friend. I was becoming hyper-vigilant about the small stuff and from my previous experience of PTSD decided I needed a bit of help.  I phoned the Cancer Council and spoke with a counselor (an angel in disguise). The outcome of that conversation is that she helped me to understand and acknowledge  the ongoing impact of living with BC - its stressful and too much stress can trigger depression. I would not hesitate to have a few sessions with a clinical psychologist. xBeryl

kmakm

Fantastic post @Beryl C. It's so good to read about someone correctly picking up on the warning signs and getting on top of it early. Big hug, Kate xox