Life after active treatment

Deanne

I found this network early in my treatment and interacting with others on here helped to change my view of myself. During the months of treatment, I began to see that people who opened themselves to sharing and learning from others seemed to cope better. I think before all this I was a private and closed sort of person. I definitely had myself convinced that I was good at particular things and not good at others.

Having no choice but to confront a lot of tough situations and get through them I began to see myself differently. I began to realise that I was maybe capable of much more than I thought I was. 

A big change for me has been in my physical capacity. Sport and exercise was something that previously made me anxious. From a young age I believed I was not the sort of person who was any good at those things. So I avoided them wherever possible and stuck rigidly to the things I felt more comfortable and capable with.

During and after treatment though, I knew that I needed to exercise if I was to recover from the damage of chemo etc. Not to mention it helping with the side effects of hormone therapy too. So I kept an open mind and tried lots of different things, things way outside my comfort zone, simple because I wanted desperately to have the best quality of life possible.

Today I came across this article and it really hit home with what I have experienced during my treatment and recovery from bc. In my experience ATTITUDE is really important and I really believe that opening myself to change has allowed me to get better.

https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2017/08/heres-why-your-attitude-is-more-important-than-your-intelligence

Sister

That's an interesting article.  I would add that I think it's important to try to find alternative ways to achieve, as well.  We're all certainly faced with major obstacles in bc and the side effects of treatment. 

kmakm

Interesting article. I like the premise but it's a bit black and white. I think there's a bit of fuzzy space in between the two areas. We all respond differently, to different kinds of adversity. Some people who demonstrate the growth mindset in their work lives can be knocked out by health problems, and vice versa.

Generally speaking I think being pushed out of one's comfort zone is a good thing for human beings. However I'm not sure having a life threatening illness counts! Having BC has forced me to be more open to my frailties and so more humble. I think in the wash up it will make me more accepting of others and more compassionate. I am still struggling with opening myself up to change, but it's happening regardless so I'll just have to make the best of it. That's what I'll strive for anyway.

Gosh, that went philosophical! Thought provoking post @Deanne    

Deanne

The generosity of others sharing their thoughts and experiences on here has helped me to see that there is no right or wrong way to deal with the challenges that we face. Yes @Sister there is usually an alternative way to do things. Whatever works and whatever is important to each of us. 

Afraser

The trick sees to be about working out where a change in attitude works and where it doesn't. I was told a long time ago and still believe it to be true that no amount of attitude will stop you vomiting after chemo, or being paralysed by fatigue or losing the nerve ending in your feet! Attitude can help how you deal with all that though. As @kmakm says, coping with the things that cancer may churn up may also be an issue.  Many of us need help to stop smoking, or change our diet, or lose old habits, and it's usually well worth while. My biggest learning was that you can't go on trying new things, jumping into new situations and being superwoman endlessly - having cancer and age 70 looming might be a reminder that you have undercooked relaxation, reflection and calm! Not so much slowing down but catching up. It's a work in progress - I pleased myself last week by consciously not falling into an old habit. New attitudes take practice, like most worthwhile things.

Deanne

I guess the part of this article that appealed to me was the change bit. I have had to accept a few changes in circumstances due to side effects. Like you say @Afraser attitude does nothing to alter those side effects but it can help you to find a way to cope. If I had got stuck on trying to return to my previous life then I would have exhausted myself pretty quickly. I had to change how I looked at things to find a new way forward. This was a challenge for me because change usually equated to anxiety for me. But almost 5 years down the track I have a different attitude. Yes relaxation, reflection and calmness now take up a bigger space in my life too. But so does the occasional adventure! Whatever gives me energy 

Michelle_R

I have always believed in a positive attitude and a growth mindset too, @Deanne.  When there is a problem, my response is 'how do we tackle it?'  This carried through to my diagnosis with TNBC 6 years ago. As the specialists did their part to help me, I did mine too, by adjusting my diet, maintaining a healthy weight, and exercising 5-6 days a week, even if it was just walking.  I bought meditation tapes, learned relaxation techniques, and rewarded myself with travel and new experiences.  I also learned to avoid non-positive people in my life.  It worked for me, and still does.  And I am older than all of you, so something was right.  I agree @Afraser that attitude can't fix side effects, but it works most of the rest of the time. So glad to hear you are doing well @Deanne. (PS. I had a double mastectomy, 3 months weekly chemo, 28 rads & a hysterectomy!)

Deanne

Yes @Michelle_R you were one of those people who helped me to feel that I could have some control over things. It has changed my life for the better and now it is just second nature. Challenges never stop and you cannot control that, only the way that you respond to them. I like that response of yours ‘how do we tackle it?’ Sometimes all you can do is hang in and know that the tough times will pass. But, most of the time there is something you can do or even think that will help. Thanks for responding! It is always great to know you are still doing so well too! Xxx

Romla

Gee ladies really appreciated the thoughtfulness of your posts - Thankyou for making me think.