Mountain Lions
I've been trying to paste a copy of Caitlin Feeley's Mountain Lion analogy but all I have is my phone and it's defeating me! I'm sure some of you old hands have read it, but as a newbie, it really struck home to me. So, if you haven't seen it, do a google search. Try to find the full piece though as a number of people have just put excerpts on their sites.
Comments
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Cancer: the mountain lion in your fridge by Caitlin Feeley
What’s it like to go through cancer treatment? It’s something like this: one day, you’re minding your own business, you open the fridge to get some breakfast, and OH MY GOD THERE’S A MOUNTAIN LION IN YOUR FRIDGE.
Wait, what? How? Why is there a mountain lion in your fridge? NO TIME TO EXPLAIN. RUN! THE MOUNTAIN LION WILL KILL YOU! UNLESS YOU FIND SOMETHING EVEN MORE FEROCIOUS TO KILL IT FIRST!
So you take off running, and the mountain lion is right behind you. You know the only thing that can kill a mountain lion is a bear, and the only bear is on top of the mountain, so you better find that bear. You start running up the mountain in hopes of finding the bear. Your friends desperately want to help, but they are powerless against mountain lions, as mountain lions are godless killing machines. But they really want to help, so they’re cheering you on and bringing you paper cups of water and orange slices as you run up the mountain and yelling at the mountain lion - “GET LOST, MOUNTAIN LION, NO ONE LIKES YOU” - and you really appreciate the support, but the mountain lion is still coming.
Also, for some reason, there’s someone in the crowd who’s yelling “that’s not really a mountain lion, it’s a puma” and another person yelling “I read that mountain lions are allergic to kale, have you tried rubbing kale on it?”
As you’re running up the mountain, you see other people fleeing their own mountain lions. Some of the mountain lions seem comparatively wimpy - they’re half grown and only have three legs or whatever, and you think to yourself - why couldn’t I have gotten one of those mountain lions? But then you look over at the people who are fleeing mountain lions the size of a monster truck with huge prehistoric saber fangs, and you feel like an asshole for even thinking that - and besides, who in their right mind would want to fight a mountain lion, even a three-legged one?
Finally, the person closest to you, whose job it is to take care of you - maybe a parent or sibling or best friend or, in my case, my husband - comes barging out of the woods and jumps on the mountain lion, whaling on it and screaming “GODDAMMIT MOUNTAIN LION, STOP TRYING TO EAT MY WIFE,” and the mountain lion punches your husband right in the face. Now your husband (or whatever) is rolling around on the ground clutching his nose, and he’s bought you some time, but you still need to get to the top of the mountain.
Eventually you reach the top, finally, and the bear is there. Waiting. For both of you. You rush right up to the bear, and the bear rushes the mountain lion, but the bear has to go through you to get to the mountain lion, and in doing so, the bear TOTALLY KICKS YOUR ASS, but not before it also punches your husband in the face. And your husband is now staggering around with a black eye and bloody nose, and saying “can I get some help, I’ve been punched in the face by two apex predators and I think my nose is broken,” and all you can say is “I’M KIND OF BUSY IN CASE YOU HADN’T NOTICED I’M FIGHTING A MOUNTAIN LION.”
Then, IF YOU ARE LUCKY, the bear leaps on the mountain lion and they are locked in epic battle until finally the two of them roll off a cliff edge together, and the mountain lion is dead.
Maybe. You’re not sure - it fell off the cliff, but mountain lions are crafty. It could come back at any moment.
And all your friends come running up to you and say “that was amazing! You’re so brave, we’re so proud of you! You didn’t die! That must be a huge relief!”
Meanwhile, you blew out both your knees, you’re having an asthma attack, you twisted your ankle, and also you have been mauled by a bear. And everyone says “boy, you must be excited to walk down the mountain!” And all you can think as you stagger to your feet is “fuck this mountain, I never wanted to climb it in the first place.”***
I wrote this a couple of weeks ago about my experience with cancer treatment. My dear friend Dread Pirate Khan reposted it from my facebook and it seems to have spoken to a lot of people, so I’m putting it here for posterity.
https//somehedgehog.tumblr.com/post/119415185391/cancer-the-mountain-lion-in-your-fridge
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@Sister
I searched it for you and posted it above to make it easy for those not good with computers.5 -
Thanks, @SoldierCrab. I gave up after trying to copy and paste it about 10 times using my phone!2
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Oh that is such an apt description of why we endure chemo to fight the darn mountain lion. Love it. Thankyou for sharing. X1
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It's a good and sometimes funny analogy - the only thing that I don't get is a reference to people " whose job it is to look after you". For adults (different story for children) that's yourself. So many people going through cancer have learned that critical bit of understanding - you (not someone else) are responsible for your decisions. You know best what treatment and side effects you are willing to go through for a possible cure - not your loved ones, not your children, not your spouse or even parents. No matter how much they may care for and need you. You are responsible for your own well being, and if that means sidelining people who cause you grief, even in your own family or former best friend, well off you go. If we are lucky, we have benefitted enormously from the love and support of others. It's a wonderful thing. But it's particularly wonderful because it is freely given, not an obligation or a duty.5
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Minding your own business and one day opening fridge to a mountain lion ,that is pretty much a great description of how I felt when diagnosed,lol4
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<<“I read that mountain lions are allergic to kale, have you tried rubbing kale on it?”>>
This made my day!
The incredible variety of things I have been told to ingest, inhale, insert or lather over my bits has always amazed me - and I know that most people mean well etc etc but until now no one has told me about KALE!!!
Might just need to see what Dr Google has to say about it! ;-)6 -
That’s very cool I love the comment about the kale OMFG! This is a snippet of one I sent to someone and how I feel about it
So I’m giving you a big virtual hug and I’m standing at the top of the shit covered mountain that you are slowly crawling to the top of with champagne in one hand vodka in the other and when you’re finished everything you can run up there in the nude and show me your magnificent new boobies and show me the biggest set of Hairy balls that you have had to grow to get through all this shit and be proud that you have fucking punched your breast cancer in the fucking face and sent it screaming down the shit covered mountain you’ve just climbed and let it lie there to die in its own filth where it belongs.
Margie xx3 -
I think my mountain lion is now dead, and the bear, and my husband has finally stopped griping about his nose lol.
Oh PS, I just unfriended a friend on a crusade to get me to rub kale on it, meditation, cleanser drinks, seminars. He just wouldn't leave me in peace.
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Ha ha ha love the kale bit. @onemargie you ar soooo funny!0
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I was walking up near Beechworth this morning and came face to face with a very large goanna. Dinosaur type massive. I've looked at it, it's looked at me and I've thought, "Oh, shit, not you again.'
I have no idea what it was thinking, reptiles are like that. But it flicked it's tongue, tasted the air and sauntered off into the scrub. It will be a while before I walk back down that track. I'm not going looking for a Yowie to get it off me.
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Wow! That's the best thing I've read about 'this journey',(pet hate stupid saying), in the last two years. Thankyou @sister,@soldiercrab. It actually made me cry. But I love it ,think it's quite beautiful. Janine xo3
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Far out @onemargie you kill me
. Gold pure gold!
@Sister so glad you thought to bring this to everyone. I read it a couple of weeks ago and thought... Yep, that's it alright!0 -
think this is one that has to come up to the top regularly so newbies get to see it
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