Overhead discussion yesterday that made me sad/angry

DearB

yestersay while out shopping and at a checkout so I couldn’t really move I heard a older lady saying to someone really young looking.  Well is she a fighter she needs to be a fighter !!!!  Her reply well she is a bit anxious and scared of the chemo.   I actually wanted to punch the older in the face to imply that only fighters will survive. We have a family friend that did all that she could but she still died.

 And to say that to a young daughter wtf.    


Ggrrr.   

Afraser

Personally I think you need to be a fighter to be a woman! And fighters come in all shapes and sizes. She may not have been suggesting anything derogatory. As you say, you can fight every day with all your strength and not lick some things. Just as she was not aware of your circumstances, so you are not fully aware of hers. Just another checkout moment! 

DearB

True true true. 

Zoffiel

There have been some good threads about what not to say to someone who has cancer. Pretty much everything that anyone who hasn't had cancer feels the need to say. Raving platitudes for the most part. 
Some days I want to bite the fools, other times I find myself thinking 'I hope you never find out how ridiculous that statement was.' 

[Deleted User]

I used to find the use of fighter annoying, now I find the use of cancer sufferer far more annoying. I’ve learned to be far less sensitive about people’s comments. More often than not, they are trying to be kind/ supportive. I’d prefer people to say stupid things than avoid me. 

Harlee

LucyE said:

 I’ prefer people to say stupid things than avoid me. 

Exactly!
Most people do mean well. They are often upset, possibly embarrassed and often unaware of what they are actually saying. I remember one friend carrying on so much I just wanted to slap her and say - hey I’m not dead yet!! 

AllyJay

For  me, this whole "Journey" thing gets on my ......well can't say that  anymore, can I?  In my mind, a journey  is something and somewhere exciting and different. Like the Great Wall of China, Outer  Mongolia, the Serengeti or somesuch. It in no way brings to mind chemo  clinics, barbaric mutilation, permanent side effects  involving wheeled walking frames  and the like. However, I realise that this is my own personal reaction the the use of the word and that the people using it probably mean well.

iserbrown

Why get hung up on a word that describes and is used on the BCNA website as what it is -  My Journey Kit

The most important part of "My Journey" is the destination "NED" - I am so looking forward to that part!!

AllyJay

@iserbrown,  as I specifically said, I realised this was my own personal reaction to the term, which was said tongue in cheek, No offense was intended. Again, personally, the magic of a journey is the anticipation, the planning  and the day by day enjoyment of uncovering the attractions of that journey. The destination just happens to be the end of that whole process. Important, but the end of an enjoyable journey in the  end. For me personally, this cancer journey itself has been a nightmare, although I do anticipate  with relief the arrival at the  destination...

iserbrown

No worries!  

Sister

@AllyJay I know what you mean about the "journey" as I too, enjoy them.  To me, this comes under the heading "life experience"!

June1952

Sometimes people speak with fear and sometimes they simply don't engage their brain before opening their mouths.  Most do mean well, though, so no use getting oneself upset over it.  Personally I hate the over-use of the word 'journey' for all sorts of things and like @Sister I prefer the use of other terms.

Afraser

A pathologist once annoyed me (I bit my tongue at the time though) by referring to "my adventure". I have since realised he wasn't far off the mark. Adventures can be very scary and take you places you would rather not be. But they do add to your life experience! 

[Deleted User]

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Afraser

My husband had bowel cancer - admittedly in the early stages and a good prognosis but there was a reasonable amount of levity. I didn't mind that either, we all knew it was serious, a certain amount of mordant humour seemed a reasonable way to deal with it. "Journey" is just the current faddy word, like fashion "story". I'd be perfectly happy with "brush with death" but not everyone would. 

AllyJay

@Afraser, I too like a healthy dollop of humour, even in the darkest of situations. I agree with @ about the whole  "Journey" gig not being trotted out to other cancer sufferers. Can't think of too many parents being thrilled  by a paediatric oncologist  rabbitting on about this wonderful and uplifting "journey" their sick child and the family were about to undertake after being diagnosed with whatever  cancer. I'm not ungrateful, or bagging any  particular  organisation for their use of this word, merely stating  my personal feelings. I also get twitchy when people  refer  to the dead as  "late". As in  ...."your late brother Geoff". My beloved brother is not late...he's not being tardy, or slack  with his timekeeping. He's dead. No amount of banging  on his grave and pouring copious mugs of strong coffee on it are going to wake him up.  Much like Monty Python's Norwegian Blue Parrot...he's dead..not kipping!!  Yes it's a common turn  of phrase, but  not one I personally appreciate.