Newly diagnosed Mum with kids.
Shimmer78
Member Posts: 10 ✭
Hi all, Diagnosed on 14th Aug with Grade 3 Invasive Carcinoma...surgery on the 20th - lumpectomy and removal of sentinal node...only just wrapping my head around it all. Starting to all seem real now.
Just wondering if any of you have young children and how did you tell them and how much did you tell them? Son 8 (& quite smart) Daughter almost 6. Any advise will be appreciated.
Just wondering if any of you have young children and how did you tell them and how much did you tell them? Son 8 (& quite smart) Daughter almost 6. Any advise will be appreciated.
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Comments
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Hi @Shimmer78 my children have grown up but I am raising three of my grandkids aged 1,2 and 3. I just had surgery this Wednesday( same surgery as you) and am still in hospital but I was diagnosed in June. I haven't told the baby anything obviously as he is too little but the 2 and 3yo have been told that Grandma has a sore boogie that the Dr is cutting to make better. I haven't gone any further at this stage but when I get to the next stage of treatment I will give them a very simple explanation so they will understand hopefully why I can't play all the games etc all the time with them. Yours are a little older but I think honesty and keeping it simple is the way to go with kids. Have you got the books on breast cancer and treatments etc yet from BCNA? As well as those you can get magazines that explain things in comic book style to children. It's a good read and may appeal yo your 8yo. Take care xx Lesley0
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Hi Shimmer78 i have 2 boys 10 and 8 i explained the whole thing to my 10yr old but my 8 yr old as he doesnt understand i just told him mummy has sure boobie.
I had same as you .surgery all done .
All the the best xx0 -
Thanks @nonkyboy . I have got the comics and a few of the other leaflets from cancer council...which seem awesome. Just still a little aprehensive about how much to tell them. My Breast care nurse and GP both have said I will have Chemo (because of my age) and previous history with melanoma so I guess i just want to prepare them enough so they don't come to there own conclusions about what might happen.0
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Hi @Barney74 . My 8 year old is quite a sensitive boy so want to tell him enough so he doesn't worry. He is also pretty switched on to and a good reader
Did you tell your boys separately or at the same time but explain more to the older one later? How long did you stay in hospital? Hope all is healing well xx 0 -
Hi Shimmer78 my 8yr old is ADHD so i didnt explain to him.but where my 10yr old is pretty switched on i did explain in more detail to him separately.
I only had 1 night in hospital buggar i want to stay longer have a hoilday lol.
No seriously i couldnt wait to get home im healing pretty well .but i did get fluid built up where my lump was so they had to drain that out yesterday .0 -
Hi Shimmer78 I was diagnosed on July 11 with a stage 1 grade 3 cancer (two lumps in breast). I had a lumpectomy on August 1 with a sentinel node removal too. On Monday I will be having my second round of chemo. I have a seven-year-old son (he was 6 when I was diagnosed but had his birthday the Friday before my first chemo treatment). I told him the day I got positive proof I had breast cancer (when the core biopsy results came back). Unfortunately he is very aware of what breast cancer is as we've had someone in my family fighting it since 2013 when he was just three (first my mum for the second time - 16 years after the first bout then my younger sister in August 2015 and now me). We've always been open and honest with him about it and he's helped us with many cancer fundraisers we've attended and been involved with. It certainly made it easier when I had to tell him my news as he quickly understood exactly what I was telling him. He was extremely upset and wanted to know who would be his mummy if I was gone and who would look after him if both Daddy and I were gone, all hard things to hear and discuss but he was OK after we talked it through. I know he's been worried at times and a little angry but with the love and support of my family and friends he seems to be coping OK especially today when I've had my head shaved because my hair has been falling out in clumps the last two days from the chemo. I would have found it very difficult to hide things from him as he's a very switched on little boy and would have realised I was hiding something from him. Am happy to chat further if you want to. Good luck with everything!0
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Hi aussiegirl19 . Thanks for the reply. We told the kids yesterday. Went more in depth with the 8 year old and he seems to be oK....so far. He had a few questions mainly about the surgery. Found a good app for the ipad from camp quality which we both played around with for awhile and he is reading one of the comics from cancer council. I am sure there will be many more questions that they have along the journey. The almost 6 year old has moments of sadness where she needs to give me a cuddle1
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You're welcome Shimmer78. That's one of the hard parts over now. Am glad it went well for you. There will be moments of sadness but also beautiful moments that will warm your heart. Kids are a lot more resilient than we sometimes give them credit for. One extra thing I thought of since I posted my earlier response was about whether you had any discussions with your kid's teachers? My son has two teachers (they job share) so I sent them an email and then had a short face to face discussion with them so they were aware of things and could give my son extra support at school if he needed it. Thankfully he seems to be coping not too badly. The other thing I did was enlist the help of my wonderful school mum friends who were eager to help me. I have them as back-ups for school pick up time especially in case I don't made it back from any of the medical appointments on time. I've only had to impose on them once for about an hour and put them on standby another time but it was a huge relief to have that back up. Do you have to have any further treatment? Please let me know down the track about how things are working out for you as worrying about our kids is one of the hardest things about everything isn't it? I'm know all us mums feel the same no matter their age but it's extra hard I reckon when they're only little. Take care!0
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Hi Aussiegirl19, We are on school holidays now but did think that it would be a good idea to discuss with teacher (my boy also has 2 teachers - job sharing). Just so they can keep an eye them also. Will do this straight after hols. Great idea about back up for pick ups!
Not sure about further treatment yet but my Breast care Nurse and GP both say chemo & radiation because of my age (39) and because I have previously had a Melanoma (removed with clear margins) no further treatment needed. Will keep you updated.
You said earlier you have shaved your head - have you found a good wig/scarf or are you embracing the new look. A little concerned if my 6y daughter will handle Mummy with no hair. She is very much a princess.0 -
Hi @Shimmer78. I was diagnosed on 10th August so just a few days before you. Invasive, grade 3 and also 39yrs old. Unfortunately mine is also triple negative. I had a lumpectomy on 14th of August and see the oncologist in 2 days to find out my chemotherapy regime.
I have 2 kids but they are 18 & 15. My son(18) is at Uni 2hrs away. My daughter, 15, has been great and is a wonderful support but I worry she is bottling it up trying to be strong for me. Luckily at that age they have good friends to lean on too.
Good luck with the kids, they are more resilient than we realise sometimes and I'm sure your little girl will love trying pretty scarves and hats on mummy if you do end up needing chemo. Keep in touch with us all about what treatment plan you have coming up. Tracy0 -
Hi Shimmer78 We're on school holidays too and my boy's had a bad start to his break as he threw up everywhere in the early hours of the morning which was awful especially as today is chemo day so I couldn't cuddle him or with help with anything. I'm actually writing this to you as I have my second chemo treatment to pass the time. I'm 47 so a bit older than you but still classed as a young sufferer I believe. I'm having four chemo rounds (every three weeks) followed by six weeks of radiation (Monday to Friday). I live in Brisbane so am planning to visit the Choices program at the Wesley Hospital where I'm being treated this afternoon provided I finish treatment in time to hire one of their wigs. I have a number of cotton turbans I bought from them before chemo in preparation and had a few suitable scarves already. I have also bought a multitude of different hats to wear as well. Kmart especially had a few trendy hats at reasonable prices so I got those too. My son has taken it really well finding it more funny than anything. He did tell me I looked a bit like a man. LOL! I must say I now look the spitting image of my younger brother who is actually bald so I can't blame him for saying that. I'm probably lucky as I had short hair anyway so it wasn't as confronting perhaps as having to lose long hair. I still have the stubble on top at the moment but that will fall out apparently at some stage. My son told me Saturday night and yesterday to take off my turban as I looked warm. I spent most of yesterday without anything on my head as it was a warm day and he didn't seem to even notice it. I guess it's just a case of everyone, yourself included, getting used to things. I haven't lost my eyebrows or eyelashes yet so that might change things as to how everyone feels but we'll have to wait and see. Good luck with it all and keep in touch.0
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Hi @Shimmer78.
I was diagnosed the day before my 40th Birthday last year and have two boys aged 11 and 9 (now 12 and almost 10). We were very upfront with the boys and have been through it all.
I had a Left Total Mastectomy (looking at Reconstruction next year.
Ive been through Chemo, Radio and continuing with Herceptin until the end of November.
We all have had a good cry many times and my 9 year old is a almost permanent fixture to my side.
I shaved my hair off when my son came back from his year 5 camp and bought Pokemon and Wonder Women scarves (with their help) to make it a bit easier. I couldn't do a wig. At home, I just rocked the bald look.
I also let their teachers and principle know just to give them the heads up and give them any support the need.
If I can offer anymore advice or support, let me know. Mel xx0 -
Hi @TripleTea Your surgery was soo quick - wouldn't have even had time to process. My kids seem to be doing OK. My 8 year old is full of questions. ...new ones everyday. I am estrogen+ only. So they say that's a good thing. Hormone treatment for 5 years after whatever else may come.
Hard to tell with teenagers what is going on in their heads - I have a few close teenage neices and nephews and they all so very caring and supportive.0 -
@ Aussiegirl19
It's awesome that you can hire wigs. Don't think there is anywhere here in Bundaberg that offers that - apparantly a really good one at Sunshine Coast. Thanks for all your advice. Hoping your day was relaxing xx I have my Surgery tomorrow0
