Forum Discussion
Two days ago my life changed forever
Hi everyone, just hoping to reach out and seek some advice at a time that my life feels completely out of control on two levels.
Two days ago, my (very recent) fiance and I arrived home from our long awaited overseas holiday. We'd been scrimping and saving for this trip, and had the most fantastic time. Although exhausted and jet laggy, we were so excited to see everyone and celebrate our engagement.
My younger sister had asked to come see me when I got home, and although not feeling too crash hot I was excited to see her. She walked in the door and I could see something was very very wrong. My 31 year old sister then proceeded to tell me she has been diagnosed with Stage 2 Breast Cancer. She and the immediate family had known for about a week but she didn't want to ruin the last few days of my holiday so waited to tell me until I was home. We have a strong family history so breast cancer is not new to us, but the last thing I ever expected was for my baby sister to have a diagnosis so early on.
The last few days have been a really strange surreal experience. I was so glad to be able to go to her appointment with her where they talked about a plan of action, and there is some strength in having a plan for moving forward. My number one priority is for my sister to get healthy and well again, although she has a challenging 6 months ahead of her.
I am going to do my best to support her through her journey but where I am feeling extra terrified is with my sisters diagnosis, alongside my mum who had breast cancer 5 years back (5 years clear woo hoo!!!! :)) all the doctors are now a lot more concerned about me and are suggesting if my sister's gene testing comes back positive, I should also get gene tested and if that comes back positive then I'll have some decisions to make.
So I'm all messed up about my baby sister facing this battle, but then alongside that also worried about what will happen to my side of the things, and feel completely helpless as these things take time, so I just have to sit and wait... and wait... and wait..... I just really appreciate finding this forum and appreciate any advice anyone can give. I also hope as this journey goes on, I'll be able to help others and contribute. Much love to all xx
Two days ago, my (very recent) fiance and I arrived home from our long awaited overseas holiday. We'd been scrimping and saving for this trip, and had the most fantastic time. Although exhausted and jet laggy, we were so excited to see everyone and celebrate our engagement.
My younger sister had asked to come see me when I got home, and although not feeling too crash hot I was excited to see her. She walked in the door and I could see something was very very wrong. My 31 year old sister then proceeded to tell me she has been diagnosed with Stage 2 Breast Cancer. She and the immediate family had known for about a week but she didn't want to ruin the last few days of my holiday so waited to tell me until I was home. We have a strong family history so breast cancer is not new to us, but the last thing I ever expected was for my baby sister to have a diagnosis so early on.
The last few days have been a really strange surreal experience. I was so glad to be able to go to her appointment with her where they talked about a plan of action, and there is some strength in having a plan for moving forward. My number one priority is for my sister to get healthy and well again, although she has a challenging 6 months ahead of her.
I am going to do my best to support her through her journey but where I am feeling extra terrified is with my sisters diagnosis, alongside my mum who had breast cancer 5 years back (5 years clear woo hoo!!!! :)) all the doctors are now a lot more concerned about me and are suggesting if my sister's gene testing comes back positive, I should also get gene tested and if that comes back positive then I'll have some decisions to make.
So I'm all messed up about my baby sister facing this battle, but then alongside that also worried about what will happen to my side of the things, and feel completely helpless as these things take time, so I just have to sit and wait... and wait... and wait..... I just really appreciate finding this forum and appreciate any advice anyone can give. I also hope as this journey goes on, I'll be able to help others and contribute. Much love to all xx
21 Replies
- @socoda, thank you so much, hugs have been so great the last few days and I think my sister has to shake me off from all the hugs I've been giving her hehe. I'm so grateful for this forum, and for people generously sharing their stories with each other, it is such a huge help. From a relatives point of view, you want to fix it for them but in lieu of doing that, just be there in the best way possible without being too overbearing. I had heard of the look good feel better but for the life of me couldn't remember the name so a big thank you for that! Thank you for your kind wishes, I am hopeful for a negative result but I'm also hopeful as there has been lots of good thoughts put forward about the outcomes of the results which have helped tremendously. Sending you all my best wishes and thank you again for your time and advice xx sophisticated
- Dear @primek, this is such a brave and wonderful idea - a way to share your story with those close to you and give them an insight into your journey. I really appreciate the idea and will definitely pass it on to my sister. xx soph
- @Afraser, thank you for sharing this with me, what a good idea and a great way to release feelings and thoughts. There has been a theme of journalling and I am definitely thinking of finding a beautiful one for my sister. Sending you best wishes
- Hi @brisbanestory sending you a big hug. Please also take care of yourself as this is a hard journey for those who love the diagnosed. So glad you have found the forum. I have two sisters one older, one younger and a brother. My older sister and my mum were both with me when I was given my diagnosis. My sister drove 7 hours to be with me. She then stayed with my mum and they both came to the hospital every single day (I was in for 6 days and it was a 2 hour round trip). They both came along to see my surgeon to get the pathology results which weren't ready the first week. They again came with me the second week. They came with me to give me their opinion on the wigs I was trying on, to go to the oncology appointments, radiotherapy appointment and just be there for support. Time and time again. I could not have asked for more and the enveloping of love and caring is something I will forever be greatful for. No grandstanding involved just pure love. Also you can sign your sister up for the look good feel better course and go along as a support person for her there. I wish you both all the very best and cross fingers that if you do have testing that your results come back negative. Keep in touch and if you feel the need to come on and release frustration, or fear we are here for you. Xx Cath
- I thought I would share something I did. I kept a private facebook journal. I shared the ups and downs. My fears. My treatments. I took photos of my mastectomy with tbe drains, my breast reconstruction, of every chemo. I photographed my bald head. Iwanted to live it , feel it, remember it. ..and then be able to let it go. I still write 8 months on. Now its about the fight back. Becoming a survivor and reclaiming life. It helped me but also it opened the understanding of so many others who had no idea what having breast cancer treatment was like. And what recovery is like. I included family of my choice, work friends and friends. Personal invite only. It also meant when we met up we didn't have to just talk about my cancer treatment because they already knew. Kath x
- I don't have a sister and can't advise much on that front but I have kept a journal. Wrote in it a lot in the early days, sporadically still. It was a great way to get things out of my system, or to pause and reflect. Now it's interesting to look back on and see how things have changed. So strongly recommend this as a helpful activity. Best wishes.
- Dear@Pebbz1981 , a big thank you for your kind support and advice, and I am so sorry to hear of your mum's recent diagnosis, sending my best wishes to you all during this very tough time. I really appreciate your honesty, especially about being told to 'stay positive'. I have tried to not flog the positive stuff too much (which is hard as I'm generally a pretty positive person) as I know right now that would be the last thing I'd want to be hearing and my sister would probably tell me to p*ss off (lol I would too!!!). I love the journal idea, I will definitely have a look for something beautiful for her. We have been given information around counselors which is so great to have, and I truly believe this network is also so helpful. The thing I've appreciated most is people's honesty, even when it's not all pretty and lovely. Thank you again and sending much love to you, your mum and family x
- Hi @LucyE , thanks so much for taking the time to respond. What really resonated with me in what you wrote is the sitting and providing quiet support - I am not sure what to say so it's good to know what just being present is a help. She has a long road ahead of her but our family is rallying around, and having all these great suggestions up my sleeve, I may be able to pass them on to other family members as well. All my best wishes to you and thank you again x
- Dear @Molly001, a big thank you for your kind words and advice. Your story and advice is so so helpful in understanding what my sister could be feeling, and your suggestions on how I could be helpful are great. Sending you and your family much love and best wishes for the future
- Hi @brisbanestory , Congratulations on your recent engagement, sorry you had to come home and hear the bad news of your sisters diagnosis. I was 27 when i was first diagnosed and remember feeling alone as i was soooo young. It was the worst trying to explain to my mother and older sister that i had breast cancer. Many many years later my mother had to tell me she was diagnosed with breast cancer and just recently ovarian cancer. My advice would be. just be there for her, I hated when people told me to just stay positive, I started writing in a journal which i found helpful, maybe you can buy her a journal and suggest that to her? Every persons journey is different, once she gets her head around things hopefully she will let you know how shes feeling and what she needs from the people around her. Just as hard as it is fr her it is also very hard on the family members, so remember to also take care of yourself. I spoke t the counsellor at cancer care aswell and she helped me ALOT, my husband actually also spoke to another counsellor at cancer care too as he was holding alot of feelings inside ( different counsellor due to conflict of interest). Good luck with it all and all the best for your sisters journey.
