Do I Need Time? First surgeon appoint today, surgery in 2 weeks!

viking1

Hi, I got my test results back from 5 core samples last Thursday. Malignant. Infiltrating ductal carcinoma, 12mmx9mmx8mm. Grade 3 (T3, P3, M2). Positive ER (80%, 1-2). Negative PR and strong positive HER2 (3+).

Today, Friday, a week later I saw the surgeon and he wants to do a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation. He says I will lose the size of a golf ball in my right breast, no reconstruction but it will be apparent. He's scheduled the surgery for two weeks from today! I only told my dad last night. I'm 52, single, no children. Haven't told friends yet as still processing. 

This seems rather quick to me!  Before I commit to a year of chemo (he said) and radiation I'd like to lie in the sun somewhere warm in my bathers and say goodbye to my breast as I know it! I'm not ready to be "sick". I'd like to take a trail ride. My breasts aren't large and I always wished they were bigger growing up. But I am happy with them now. It seems so silly and vain. If I had cancer in my leg I think I wouldn't be as confused. I don't have a significant other. I know I'm not my breast but they are probably the only thing I am happy with about my body at this age. I know a lot of women go through a lot more and apologise for what must sound trivial by comparison.

Should I take a couple more weeks to 'do' something - even tidy my flat above the main house or even change my sheets?  I'd like to drive north ... fight or flight. But does this seem too quick to people?
Thank you

melclarity

@viking1 Welcome! Sorry you have found yourself here, it usually is a shock and whirlwind. 2 weeks isnt too soon, considering your diagnosis, you do need to get it taken out and get pathology done as that's more important and more definitive than the biopsies. That will determine exactly your plan. Its so so hard, as like all of us, it doesn't wait.

Ive had it twice 2011, 2015 and due to recurrence I had a single mastectomy Feb this year and diep flap reconstruction, absolutely a tough decision. It took me a year after Chemo to come to the decision so I was lucky in that I was treated and had time to think about it. I haven't looked back, it's been a hard road, but I'm 2 years clear now and reconstructed and moving on with my life.

Everything in my life came to a standstill, I was only 7 months into a new relationship and a single parent of 2 teenage kids, my whole world was torn apart, but somehow Ive come out the other side.

There are so many wonderful ladies here to offer support, so hang in there, ask away, we'll help as best we can! Hugs Melinda xo

brightspace

Life is super crazy when faced with these decisions ...i did take some  time and made some private photos .. some clothed some not  i chose frida khalo as my inspiration so...  love mexico and  dressesd with this in mind ..al the best Bright

primek

I understand how you feel but a her2 cancer can be very fast growing so the sooner removed the sooner you start treatment. You will be keeping your breast but it will be different. I chose mastectomy and reconstruction and had 20 days to prepare. (Same type as you, my biopsy originally said grade 2 but once removed it was bigger and higher grade than biopsy) I held a farewell boobie party 2 days before my surgery. I just called everyone...or sent out via email / facebook. Sooo many people came. My party was called Dolly's parting. We all dressed up...I just wore underwear and a skirt lol...with the girls on show. Food was boob themed. I wrote a poem to my boobs. And took photos. Sounds silly but it was important to me to acknowledge them and my loss . I was 51 at diagnosis and chose bilateral with reconstruction.

I understand your feeling of being rushed, we all feel like that at the beginning. But haste is important with a her2. I really can't stress this enough. Treatment now has fabulous outcomes. 

Pic is if my party. I hadn't slept for days beforehand. I handed out my bras for anyone not dressed up to wear.

Take care. Kath x

Cate64

@viking1 i just wanted the cancer out of me as soon as possible. I would have gone to theatre that moment if it had been an option & wss completely distraught having to wait 10 days knowing it was in me growing. 

We are all different & deal differently like @primek how cool was her party?? Talk to a Breast Care Nurse if you are feeling railroaded into something quicker than your ready for..

fairydust

@viking1 perhaps ask your surgeon how long can this be delayed.  Whenever I had a problem the breast care nurses were pretty good with advice.
 Generally my experience and what I have read and heard is treatment starts as soon as possible. I am fairly big breasted and the lumpectomy is not really that noticeable. 
As for disappearing my wish. Having cancer does not knock you out totally you can still function. Some ladies even continue working. Embrace the journey. We are not lucky to have cancer but gee we are so lucky to be treated here
I have nothing but respect and admiration for all the crew that looked after me.

viking1

Thank you fairydust, that's one question I didn't ask! I envy that you had enough material to work with re what will it look like?

LMK74

Viking1, sorry to hear your diagnosis.  It's  certainly not easy . I was diagnosed January 24th and my oncologist wanted me to start chemo  the next day, i told her no. I needed time to process it all so agreed to start the following week. I am er positive and my tumor was six centimeters and as im small busted, a b cup it was recommended to do chemo first to shrink the size in the hope of going for a lumpectomy. I'm just over halfway with chemo. I was petrified too at the thought of it all as I'm also single, no kids, or parents. I wonder too what i will have left after  surgery but it is what it is. I do not have anyone to turn to but this supportive community which  has helped so much about my fears.
Thinking of you as you  start this journey. 
Lisa x

viking1

LMK74 I'm sorry you are in this position. How is the chemo going? Sounds like we are thinking the same things. I told my dad last night and a couple of girlfriends but family members are all involved in own projects. It's good to be here. It's a long ride ... surgeon said a year of chemo. Gonna be some great RSVP pictures - not!  My psych used to say I should try meeting new people (aka a male friend) in a group. In yoga we had one man whose wife was there too. And now I'm in a breast cancer group...gotta love the irony!

Hopes_and_Dreams

Hello @viking1, so sorry for your diagnosis but you have come to the right place for support.  All the amazing and strong ladies and men here share different diagnosis and treatment but have one thing in common - we have all been where you are and truly understand what you are going through.  It is such a whirlwind at first, so much information coming at you and everything moves so fast. With good reason - we have cancer.
I was diagnosed with 13mm invasive ductal carcinoma on 20 July last year and had a left nipple sparing mastectomy with immediate silicone implant on 1 August.  I remember going home after first being told and just feeling sick knowing it was inside me. I couldn't even feel it but couldn't wait to get it out. Even waiting 10 days seemed like forever.
I'm only small breasted so a lumpectomy wasn't a good option and I'm happy with my choice.
I was fortunate that my cancer was stage 1, grade 1, ER/PR 100%, HER2 neg. so no chemo or radiation needed, just hormone blockers.
Have a talk to your surgeon and explain how you feel. You'll be told if there is a sense or urgency.
Wishing you all the best, it does get easier to accept once you get your full pathology results and have a treatment plan. 
Sending a hug, we are all here for you. Jane xx

LMK74

Viking1,lol. Gotta try keeping the sense of humor. Sometimes it feels impossible. The last few years have been crap.2015 i lost my mum to cancer, then 2016 i had a heart attack and now this year breast cancer. Chemo so far has been doable, not fun but will be glad when it's over. I have a really good psychologist I've been seeing for the last 3 years and he's seen me through some very dark times. Often i feel lonely through this treatment so am glad for this forum. Anytime i feel scared about something which is most of the time , i jump on here for advice and support.  Glad you found your way here. 

viking1

Thank you Jane ... wow, it seems as if the histopathology report numbers and letters are little swings and roundabouts! Win on the one hand, lose something on the other.  I will talk to the surgeon again...thank you for sharing your story, it helps me xx

Zoffiel

My attitude has been that if you are going in the water, just jump in. Nothing changes because you wait. Perhaps get rid of the lump and take an extra week or so before chemo. This shit drags out for long enough as it is and there are always unexpected delays along the way. Hold your nose, shut your eyes and leap. ***Yeah, I know, the touchy feely side of my character is underdeveloped***  Marg

Brenda5

Get the trail ride done before the surgery. Are we talking just a ride in the bush for a few hours or a full on camping holiday type of thing? I wanted to ride but didn't get a chance. I was diagnosed in Oct 2015 and ended up with two surgeries as my sentinel node biopsy came back positive so had a node clearance surgery too. I also have small boobs and there was no way I was going to fiddle around with a lumpectomy, I just got the entire breast removed and left the unaffected one. I rarely wore bras anyway since my breasts were small and with one remaining I still don't bother with a bra at all. The trail ride is still on my to do list. I watched a movie recently where a woman got over her cancer and after treatment she made a bucket list of things she has always wanted to do. She went travelling.

LMK74

Hi brenda5, did you have reconstruction surgery. If not do you have balance issues.

viking1

Hi Brenda5 and Zoffiel - I still don't know how to post replies under each person's comment! Yes, it's just a one hour trail ride, I booked it for Monday. I think after surgery I just wouldn't be able to haul myself up as I'm right handed/right breast. I've been on a couple before and a late stage horse lover...was scared of them till now. Told my niece who is having her first baby in August and she was pretty logical, she's 26 and watched her mum in law go through it in her 70s. Told my sister who is very anti western medicine and she said to look at alternatives to chemo and radiation e.g. diet. Or rather, she asked if I had asked about it. I said surgeon said no alternatives. She thinks I won't survive them. She also asked if I had asked about home help. I said if I had a drain the silver chain would come. She said re chemo and radiation she is unable to support me as although we live together, dad, sis, her bf and I (and niece on and off), she is also on the DSP and suffers from fibromyalgia, which is okay some times and other times not. So she said she can't be counted on and was very firm about that. She will also be staying with my niece when she has the baby until she can cope alone. So some sibling stuff there but I pretty much expected this.  I know others do it alone. One reason I didn't ask sis to surgeon appointment was didn't want him getting lectured on pitfalls of western medicine! Not up to it! Anyway, sis is making a vegaterian soup for dinner and I'm invited so will prolly be cancer free tomorrow