Stop The Bullshit!!

Gayle Taylor
Gayle Taylor Member Posts: 93 ✭
in General discussion
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  • fairydust
    fairydust Member Posts: 290 ✭
    Hurrah! Finally someone who speaks out and says that breast cancer is not a bed of roses.  We are all different. Thanks for posting.. Your world has been turned upside down,so has mine. I recently spoke to someone who said overcoming illness is all in the mind.Really? I said is diabetes,asthma etc all in the mind. How your body reacts to chemo ,radiation and medication is how your body reacts. You have some control over how you will react mentally but thats it. For some their journey will be easier than others. I miss my freedom . I cant drive at the moment . I went thru all treatment only just recently have a shoulder injury. My shoulder should heal over several months ,Great. As you said we can only soldier on.
  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,735 ✭
    edited March 2017
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Orbost, VictoriaPosts: 0
      We are never the same person, like a broken chalice, with cracks and chips, and loss of lustre. However we have integrity, bravery, insight and courage. We have been through experiences that are difficult to describe to others, understanding that it is difficult for them too. 
    These qualities shine well above those who have not travelled on our path, and we have the ability to enlighten, support and provide an easier path for those who follow in our footsteps. Never discount how special and loved you aware, and how your example inspires others. Sending you a big wobbly cuddle, Trace
  • melclarity
    melclarity Member Posts: 3,528 ✭
    Gayle, just wanted to pop in and acknowledge your Post. I for one have never sugar coated my experience, so I do appreciate when other people don't. We all have different experiences through BC and some a hell of a lot worse than others, but I believe its all relative. First of all Id like to say that its fantastic that you got to 5 years, wishing you many many more! I made it to 4yrs then hit with a recurrence and whole lot worse of a journey....yeah I kicked and screamed even saw the depths of hell and can be brutally honest and say I did have moments that I thought the alternative was better than how sick I was. I did get through it, no clue how as a single parent 6yrs hard slog I wont deny. I never thought Id get to the end of treatment, but I did, it changed me in so many ways, but it also allowed me to sit back and really look at myself. Sure I still have days where I dont like who I see,yep heavier, even aged. But I figured as I currently recover from a Mastectomy/Diep Flap recon in a bit of pain...I can hate what this journey has done to me the past 6yrs or I can appreciate the challenge that I never asked for, that allowed me to rise, to redefine myself, to say NO, to put ME FIRST and to accept I am forever changed but what I never ever thought I would have learnt or found to this point...that I would learn to love myself 100 times more than I think I ever gave myself credit for. All my life living for other people...now I live for me...life is still challenging but I have 2 beautiful healthy children who weathered these years with me, who learnt to never quit...who see beauty where I never could..they SEE ME. To be 6 months in a new relationship at diagnosis ready to be abandoned...nope....2yrs later still here...still seeing beauty where I couldn't...he sees me. 

    Thankyou Gayle, nobody but nobody can tell their story like the person living it can...it is their story wholly...nope it is not a bed of roses...and all the positivity in the world will not change what you have to go through. I actually dont look too far ahead to the future at all, but in this moment inspite of all of this...I somehow did find peace and had I not been challenged or broken the way this did, I would never have found me. 

    Hugs Melinda xo 
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Orbost, VictoriaPosts: 0
    Well shared Soldier Crab, what an inspiration. Cuddles, Trace xxxx
  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,374 ✭

    Yep. All that. No idea what to say that may be helpful or I'd have said it to myself and be all better now.

    I sneer with disgust when friends send me motivational memes or pathetic platitudes and have to remind myself that they think it may be helpful. In reality it just illustrates how different our mindsets are; even though I've known some of many for years, and it drives a wedge between us. How could they know so little about me--particularly since a couple went through this with me ten years ago-- that they would even consider doing that?

    The next person who pats me and tells me I'm strong and it will all work out is likely to get a punch in the face. Given my present condition I may as well throw a wet lettuce leaf at them. I frigging hate people feeling sorry for me, thankfully there are a few around who do not. Marg

  • HIT
    HIT Member Posts: 261 ✭
    Vent away, I am so glad that I am not the only one that has had to push poop down the plug hole!!!  Who would of thought that both bladder and bowels succumb to the course of time??  I hope that the vent has helped you continue to soldier on, its all we can do.
  • Annedipa
    Annedipa Member Posts: 73 ✭
    Thank you Gayle. There are some things in those words i have thought but never dared to express  :'(
  • Gayle Taylor
    Gayle Taylor Member Posts: 93 ✭

    fairydust said:

    Hurrah! Finally someone who speaks out and says that breast cancer is not a bed of roses.  We are all different. Thanks for posting.. Your world has been turned upside down,so has mine. I recently spoke to someone who said overcoming illness is all in the mind.Really? I said is diabetes,asthma etc all in the mind. How your body reacts to chemo ,radiation and medication is how your body reacts. You have some control over how you will react mentally but thats it. For some their journey will be easier than others. I miss my freedom . I cant drive at the moment . I went thru all treatment only just recently have a shoulder injury. My shoulder should heal over several months ,Great. As you said we can only soldier on.

    Thankyou sweetheart. I have my days, and this was one of them. I vented here a long long time ago, and I learned from others here too, I was scared, pretty much alone, and out of control with what was going on with me and around me. Cancer pushes you through door after door, and fog after fog. I came out of that fog 3 years ago... they don't tell you what it will be like on the other side, because they don't want to be sued!! ANd that's what we sign all those papers for!! xxx
  • Gayle Taylor
    Gayle Taylor Member Posts: 93 ✭

    HIT said:

    Vent away, I am so glad that I am not the only one that has had to push poop down the plug hole!!!  Who would of thought that both bladder and bowels succumb to the course of time??  I hope that the vent has helped you continue to soldier on, its all we can do.

    I didn't mention that this was my 2nd cancer... I got bladder and uterine wich spread to my urethra in 1998. to cut years off the story, I now have a SPC, a catheter under my belly button to pee out of. It's of no problem, not now anyway, I had multiple surgerys to try and pee properly over the years, and begged for the SPC to be put in, I couldn't live with the pain anymore!! I want Quality of life!!!.... So, I have false teeth from a car accident, False urethra, False boob in my bra, and no spleen or uterus. No sex with my husband for years!! But we get around it, he's happy ( giggles ) I am an UP person, but when this after effect gets me I am angry as it reminds me of the lack of information about 'after cancer' I was given! THEY KNOW!!! THEY JUST DON'T TELL YOU!!.... It's swept under the rug because if anyone starts asking questions, they deny, and ignore. .... what if.... what if someone spoke up and did sue them for the damage caused to the body by that drug? Am I grateful it killed the cancer? yes!! Am I thankful enough to just "GET ON" with life and pay no attention to the fact that my heart muscle is weak enough to die on me oneday, or that my gut problems are so bad at times I can't hold down a normal job, or that I fear my husband sleeping with someone else for sex, or that I have to buy a new boob because this one is failing, and I can't come up with the $500 first ( oh that's right, I don't work!! I'm on disability )... I have ( and others ) EVERY RIGHT to be angry!! I'm expected to just carry on as normal when I am no longer normal! Before going into the treatment I had no counselling or consult, I was given a diagnosis, sent home, sent to 50 tests to see if I could withstand the onslaught, and on my 1st day I cried and was told to "Toughen up love, it gets worse than a prick in the arm"... yep, that happened!!! 8 hrs after my 1st dose, I ended up in hospital for 4 days, and 5 - 10 after EVERY HIT!! AND, then the Onc says " we may have overdosed you, we'll try half dosage... NOPE THATS NO GOOD EITHER!! So, I quit!!..... I live every day hoping it doesn't return. Every time my bones ache I think I have it. Everytime my liver twinges I think I have it. ... Today was a bad day, and I spoke up!! It's not okay to shut up and be polite!! I am NOT that kind of woman! I call a spade a spade... And if others think I'm brash, then I am, but my friends wouldn't have me any other way!! :) Thankyou for understanding! xx

  • melclarity
    melclarity Member Posts: 3,528 ✭
    Gayle...I actually have no words for everything you just said. I had 4 FEC too and I ended up in hospital after each infusion, it was relentless and I was incredibly ill and even on Taxol too. It is true though, they dont tell you everything, I know even now when Ive told my Oncologist of things going on he really doesnt say anything at all. :/ Melinda x
  • Gayle Taylor
    Gayle Taylor Member Posts: 93 ✭
  • Gayle Taylor
    Gayle Taylor Member Posts: 93 ✭

    melclarity said:

    Gayle...I actually have no words for everything you just said. I had 4 FEC too and I ended up in hospital after each infusion, it was relentless and I was incredibly ill and even on Taxol too. It is true though, they dont tell you everything, I know even now when Ive told my Oncologist of things going on he really doesnt say anything at all. :/ Melinda x

    Because honey, if they tell us, or agree, they will lose out on everything!! We sign a lot of paperwork before entering into that boxing ring, clauses we don't see that deems them safe! .... All I was told going in was "There are NO Gaurentees that this will even work!" ... seriously, it's a game of hit or miss. And no liability! No ownership!
  • primek
    primek Member Posts: 5,392 ✭
    Oh Gawd your time on chemo sounds horrendous. But look at you ...a Survivor and certainly a fighter. I hope that now you get some joy back in your life and look forward to many more years with some fun in your future.

    Is it time to think reconstruction so that you feel comfortable in your own skin? Just reading between the lines here. It might be the right time to consider those options now you know you are going to be around to enjoy them . :)

    And yes chemo sucks ...but friggin cancer sucks more. Take that B! tch ...another one you failed to get.

    Look forward to reading many more posts. 

    Kath x

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