Angry or not??
Cate64
Member Posts: 446 ✭
in Day to day
What do you do if you feel really angry with someone but at the same time, in the back of your head, you heard... stop it you are just being a bitch???
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Lol thats in all our heads!0
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Hi Cate and adean
Agree that that is in my head too!
Personally I feel that this whole BC thing can change your tolerance for things - after all we have all been through - diagnosis, treatment, side effects, menopause, etc.......and although here on this site we get it often others don't. I find at times my tolerance for things is not as it once was and that is ok - I remind myself of this and try to see the situation making me angry from other's point of view before I let the bitch loose!!! Doesn' t always work though
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You can be an angry bitch. Really, you can. The little voice is the thing that will make you feel like shit if you let the bitch off the lead and she bites someone she shouldn't. You're the only one who knows how that will turn out.
Some people need a good roasting on occasions. I certainly do. It's all about context and perspective.2 -
I'm with Kayvie, the real restraint is wondering when it's yourself, possibly completely unintentionally, who has been the bitch!! I know I have said really stupid things at times, and have appreciated the tolerance and forgiveness of others. We've all had good reasons to lose it, but least said, soonest mended.3
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I tried to explain to my husband (of 38 years) the other day why, as had been said, I was always so grumpy. The female two doors down whose barking rats...chihuahua and shitzu...get left in an enclosed courtyard for yours on end drive me ape s..t. The old fool over the road why spends his day with a leaf blower blowing leaves first up then down the road. Aforementioned leaves then eventually get blown onto an enormous heap, about chest height around a tree in his front yard. They're never disposed of, just rearranged as they blow free, day after day after day. I said it was as if I was a glass, which in the past was only partially full. If someone (the dog owner or the leaf blower fanatic), behaved thus, it was like adding a teaspoon of water into the glass....there was still room for that 5ml and the glass didn't overflow. I had the capacity to absorb it. Now, however, with all the trauma, worry, angst, anger, sleeplessless, the joys and delights of 12 weeks of AC and now week 9 into the Paclitaxel and Herceptin cocktail...and the bilateral mastectomy with full node clearance ever closer on the horizon...well my glass is now full. The meniscus is bulging. Some twit comes and drops in 1ml, never mind 5ml...sets the water overflowing and I turn into a drooling idiot. I just lose my mind (what's left of it), and my language is appalling!! I'm not even sure if it is anatomically possible for these miscreants to do what I rage that they should!! Eventually I calm down, but gee whizz why indeed am I so grumpy? Why the heck not?
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ok @Zoffiel & @Ally Jay I am going to be a bitch......... I have to vent.... here I am fighting for my life... i have a disease I did not ask for & did nothing to cause & my Mum offers no assistance or help just lets me get on with it then my sister.......... a life long (well adult life) substance abuser over doses & is taken to hospital & she drops everything to rush to Qld to help her............ WTF?????? SHE did that to herself & while it sounds so so nasty I cant feel sympathy for her........... at all.........
I have always tried to be active, eat right, do right by others, worked hard & I get cancer & no help...... & she has lived off welfare, been locked up, used everyone to her satisfaction & she gets the help??? In what universe is that fair??2 -
Cate, Certainly not the universe we live in...that's for sure!! You have every right to be spewing. It seems always to be that way in this (sometimes occasionally, sometimes always) crappy deal of the Cosmic Cards that we're dealt with. Some always seem to land with their bum in the butter, or at least have someone to always bail them out (sometimes literally, and also figuratively), which, of course enables these users to keep on with their disfunctional behaviour. That sucks!! It's often the case that the one offspring that does the right things, and is a giver and a productive member of society, who looks after themselves and is a potitive plus in the world, gets overlooked and taken for granted. The takers and the squeaky wheel, on the other hand, get liberal doses of the Good Oil.... over and over again. Such is life...
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omg @Ally Jay that is exactly it........... Look, I feel a bit like I am being bitchy even thinking WTF?? & really I coped really really well with chemo etc & kept working right thru & in all likelyhood would have politely declined any assistance offers from Mum but geez....... Im a bit bummed now that there were none & Sarah is irresponsible & has been her whole 48 years, & she jumps on a plane & flies up there to help......... & the funny thing is I hadnt even thought about any of this before the 'Sarah Saga' as I call it...0
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Strangely, some people always seem to get the amount of assistance they need. Maybe they have figured out exactly the amount of assistance there is available and require precisely that much.
I think we all have people like that in our lives; that's why your vent resonates with the similarly frustrated. I hear your story and I know just how that feeling tastes. I've watched as every drop of attention has been milked from anyone who can be conived into contributing. Guess what? I now couldn't give a continental unless it's to take that anger out, have a bit of a look at it then put it away again.
Go for a run, do something uniquely @cate64 Vent by all means, but don't let it get between you and the good stuff for too long.
I don't know how you don't go out and belabor leaf blower dude around the body with a grass rake, @Ally Jay. As an illustration of the availability of a silent and time tested alternative for moving things around the lawn. Of course, neither of us would really do that, but you could look out the window and imagine it. A couple of good swipes then some really fancy scratching moves
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Great to vent....leaf blower day here too!! Had music up loud..glad tomorrow is a new day ..im trying to keep it short and sweet just dont kick the dog cat or assorted fluffies enjoy the weekend..find things that give you joy
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@Cate64 I hear you .... I have learnt to let it go and let my emotions be calm as they will never get it..... the ones who are always the users will always do that .....
I have a great Cd by Petrea King and I found it helpful in letting it go.....
PETREA KING relaxation ..... it has a beautiful guided track called progressive relaxation..... All my user Brothers go into the basket .... and float away leaving me calm.... you will understand if you get the CD
I found that through treatment my fuse was so short I would have road rage (as myself passenger) driving in a rural town.that's bad our traffic hold ups are maybe 5 to 10 cars at the most..... But I have mellowed back towards who I was before this roller coaster ride..... I just dont tolerate any BullSh*t anymore in life....
Our emotional cup is full with this roller coaster called BC and we need to find proactive ways of letting what stressors we can go, for me I found doing relaxation meditation each night helped.
HUGS and Energy
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https://itunes.apple.com/au/album/relaxation/id330497599 that is the link on Itunes...0
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I'm really sensitive with this chemo hell. But most people have sent love and prayers for me.
Then one woman who is supposed to be "a good Christian " rings me up on the phone to ask if it's true about me.
I say yes, and she automatically tell me about her sister in law had BC and went for eastern medicine to treat it.. I'm in a daze because of AC chemo and she asks if I found the lump... but stops and says no did my husband find it (as a joke) I'm stunned and say nothing. She then tells me her sister in laws cancer is back and spread, doesn't look good she tells me!!! WTF
i say I have to go & hang up, too exhausted to loose my temper! Really people don't understand!!
And I'm still trying to figure out why I got this???2 -
@Marina1 I doubt we will ever know why we get it .....
Hugs for dealing with chemo and such a insensitive twit of a woman....
We get it but those that have already been hit with BC, we get the feelings emotions and the anger at times....
Hugs and energy to keep on going thru the chemo it will get better
Alice xox1 -
I briefly felt angry. I felt stress caused mine ...and I just got out of a job that broke me and had moved on and had my life back and wham. ..cancer. But I was angry with myself for not looking after me sooner. I was able to quickly move to acceptance as I had already worked through all the crap in my head from my old job so I just packed it back up with that. I chose to just go with the emotions, the sadness, being scared and depressed....so that I could fully heal and return to my life looking forward as I'd done with it. So far so good. Still fears sneeking in my head occasionally but mostly manage to box that up too.
I actually became so exhausted from the whole process I never even showed anger...I may have felt it but just accepted that most of the crap happening wasn't in my control. Emotiobally blunted. I have regaibed my full range now...yes anger and joy has returned. Kath x0
