Stage 2 breast cancer
My name is David and I lost my beloved Wife suddenly on July 11 2011 to Secondary cancer. We were very close and to lose someone in their early fifties is so sad.
What is so hard is nothing was prepared for this or expected. The doctors were shocked. What I can say is please organise your afffairs and pray they are not needed. From this sorrow I will be starting a group for oz men who have lost their partners to breast cancer and also a directory of things to be done, a checklist if you like in the event this occurs.
My darling Nonie was so strong and a fighter and this is what I tell you ladies, be strong, optimistic, and keep fighting..Unlike my sweetheart you will win...!!!
Comments
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Hi David,
I am so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family.
I know it is true that we should prepare ourselves better and I know I should do it and I am actually re-evaluating a number of things to have put in place. Hopefully, I won't need them just yet, but as you say it is better to have them there.
I think it is a wonderful idea that you will start a group for all the aussie men. There are so many things that they need to organise. I will be telling my husband about it and keeping an eye out for it.
Again I am sorry for your loss and our thoughts are with you.
Take care David.
Tracey
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I was so sad reading your blog.I am sorry this awful disease has claimed your wife's life.You give good advice about being optimistic but also prepared. I am 56yrs and had breast cancer for the second time last year.The first time was in 2003 and it was a shock but I thought it was a "one off".It was in the same breast again and classed as early breast cancer so hopefully I'm ok. But you just never know do you.So I am making huge changes to my life this year.My husband was a bit reluctant but we have sold our big 2 storey home of 22yrs and downsizing to a smaller single level one.We are decluttering and culling at the moment.I felt compelled to do this now, should something happen to me.I am also thinking of retiring from my job and after reading your words,I"ll do it.My husband has retired so we will have more time together.
I think it is a wonderful idea to form a group for men who have lost their wives.Please accept my deepest sympathy to you and your family.I am thinking of you and your lovely,brave wife tonight and heeding your words.
Tonya
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I believe with a passionate unshakeable conviction that life is a blessed gift and that when these eyes see more, and this mind thinks no more and these hands now blogging are inert that where i go will be also a blessed gift. My darling also held these convictions.
The reason i say be prepared is some egs.. Most things were in her name as i was always travelling on business. Some people you deal with are wonderful, some are pure crap. A demanding letter from the Roads and traffic authority for the return of her disabled pass (which she refused to use ) saying other people deserved it not her. A doctors office called yesterday wanting to know when i would pay her outsanding account (they knew she had passed) I hung up on them !
For your partners i am not a wimp yer i went to University but i also played Grade rughby league. If anyone wants to talk especially men contact me .
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Leonie, I dont have all the answers but as Nonie would say travel while you are well ( if you want to).
We also had $$ to think of, she was younger than yourself. I kept working in agreement with her, though her passing was sudden that is one of the hard things and is why i say just organise everything and keep fighting.
As for society stuff them you do what you and your husband want to do .
In life there is only health and happiness....
I can understand why men have trouble facing this but you would be surprised at the number of women i know who block it out, it wont happen to me attitude
???
??As an aside Nonie's brother passed in April from cancer..
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Tonya, I have had so many replies re my blog i am unsure who i have replied too..Anyway BE positive cherish each other and do not be fazed by anything anywhere anytime. Nonie and i lived by this ..Dont get angry dont get sad do all the things you guys wanted to do together. I think Nonie would be happy i am trying to help others in her circumstances...Dont forget it is so very hard for your husband...sadly one of the last things Nonie said to me was she felt so sorry for me because i was being left alone. Anyway i will ,as a good buddy said to me David you have nothing left but to bugger all soldier on.
Respectfuly David
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Hi Di, Thank you for your kind words ( i am saying this a lot lately). Coming from an I.T background, now working in a care facility i find the website a little difficult to navigate it should be more user friendly ( no reflection on you but as Bill Gates said computers are made too complicated.) I will look at the male websites,and certainly help anyone who contacts me though most males i have known, pretend that it (B.C) does not exist or will get bettter, sadly a lot of women also have this opinion.
One area i will cover though, is the problems experienced afterwards. Dealing with govt.depts.business etc especially in my case where my darling Nonie passed suddenly and everything was in her name. The roadblocks (especially re insurance and super) are unbelievable. These problems on top of the sorrow saddness and grief make it so much harder. I 'll give you a call soon.
Regards David
P.S. Do you know where i can buy a pink wristband ? The cancer stores dont sell them and i dont see them in the online store..I'dlike to wear one in memory of Nonie.
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Hi David,
There is a place in New South Wales called Mediband. They have different types of bands available for all conditions and you can create your own. They are also connected with a company called Hand band which can customise the type of band you are after. These are the silicone ones.
Hope this helps.
Again, I am sorry for your loss and please accept my deepest sympathy.
Tracey xx
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Hi David, we always love feedback, so you're very welcome to send yours. You can phone or send an email, either is fine -- my contact details are on my profile (just click my user name).
Re: the pink wristbands, we normally do have them for purchase through the online store but we've just recently run out of stock due to high demand. I'm not sure where else you can get them, but the team tells me they're expecting more in the next couple of weeks, if that helps.
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Di, I looked at those sites and i do not feel it appropriate that i should blog with partners whose wives are still fighting the fight.. I do not want them communicating back ' i just talked with a guy that lost his wife suddenly' The others seem preoccupied with being carers..sure i was a carer but until June our lives were pretty much normal..We made it that way ! Today in the mail i received Nonie's statements from HCF they paid $14,000 dollars for the 20 days she was in two private hospitals ( i stll had to pay $1,000) i say this , for you to tell people how IMPORTANT it is to have private hospital insurance. I will call you
with thoughts David
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Hi David -- just wanted to let you know that the new wristbands are in. If you want to, you can order them through the online shop, here: http://www.bcna.org.au/store/Merchandise.
Di
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Thank you, Finally looks like i will have some closure..money hopefully will be coming from super/insurance and we can arrange Nonies plague in the Australiana garden at Northern Suburbrs crematorium..will help myself and the children a lot.
I will go to the web site and get some bands..one small thing i can do.
Do take care , your friend David
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Di, As Nonie was classed as low risk for B.C. by the Australian cancer survey. i have been looking at causes. One thing that keeps popping up is the use of anti-perspirant deodrants...Looking at the U.S, research they cannot say if this is a cause or not. Do you know of any other research in this area ? I am concerned for the children..
David
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Hi David
This is Kathy from BCNA's Policy Team. Di has asked me to reply to your questions about deodorant and breast cancer risk.
As you have found, there is no conclusive evidence that using anti-perspirants or deodorants can increase a woman’s risk of developing breast cancer. The US National Institutes of Health, which is the US government's principal agency for cancer research and training, has a fact sheet available on its website which talks about this issue. That is the best information I can point you towards.
If you are interested in reading more about breast cancer risk factors, you might like to look at the Breastcancer.org website. This is a US-based website which we often refer to. It provides reliable, quality information. It also finds there is no scientific evidence that deodorants increase breast cancer risk.
David, like so many others who have responded to your blog, I would like to extend to you my sympathies on Nonie's passing.
Kathy
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Kathy, Thank you for replying and your kind words. I know Nonie's Oncologist has an open mind on this subject. I would be interested in looking at the studies done. Using deodorants or not using, male v female percentages.Areas especially in Europe wher women do not shave their armpits what are those statistics. I write and decode cryptic crosswords and where i work we have a lockdown Alzheimers wing and the patients gain benefit from puzzles/ jigsaws etc. I have a belief that doing cryptic xwords can possibley stave of dementia.As you are using the part of the brain that cells die causing dementia. I have no proof of this but am yet to find anyone who was heavily into cryptology, aquiring Alzheimers. Looking at different things might trigger more research and find some answers for this hideous discease..I will look at Breastcancer.org. I might be going up the wrong path but i beleive it is worth exploring.
Thank You David
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We doing my best to try and navigate this website prior to going to summit!!
Anyway, for over three weeks i have had quite strong pins and needles in both hands and feet. I have no idea what the cause could be GP tol me to wait a few weeks and come back, but I was just curious if anyone else had this problem. It is nothing serious but I did have a thought about paclitaxel doing some nerve damage....and just wondered if it is only starting to become apparent now.
so any advice thoughts would be welcome, just curious ??
thanks Ros
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