Being scared

adeanadean Member Posts: 1,033
edited November 2016 in Day to day
Hi guys as most of you know my husband had a heart attack 3 weeks ago, well its been difficult  coping with the mood swings and treading carefuly. ln the early hours this morning he tapped me on the shoulder, no girls not for that, but said lm so scared and then cried so hugs in the dark and lots of patting on the back.made me think l never the whole time during cancer told anyone l was scared l was but l didnt say it. so lm putting it out there girls lve been scared , l always hope bc stays away but really l should be saying lm scared cancer will come back, just had to say it. if a man can say it l should to. its ok to say lm scared
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Comments

  • Michelle_RMichelle_R Gold Coast QldMember Posts: 891
    It certainly is okay Adean.  We all try to put on such a brave front but the fear is underneath.  Hats off to your husband for having the courage to admit it.  Until treatment finished after a year, I couldn't admit to my husband how afraid I had been - of results, of outcomes, of recurrence.  It is still there before annual check-ups - I think it always will be.
    Michelle xx
  • iserbrowniserbrown Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 2,493
    Hats off to you both for being so honest!  Here's hoping you're both on the improve.
    Take care xx
  • Hopes_and_DreamsHopes_and_Dreams Gold CoastMember Posts: 752
    Saying we are scared somehow seems to give the cancer power - on the outside we act brave to show that we have the control.  But we can't hide the truth from ourselves and you are right, there is nothing wrong with saying we are scared.
    It doesn't make us less strong.   Your husband sharing such personal fears shows the true intimacy in your relationship.
    That's a lovely thing Adean.
    Jane xx
  • melclaritymelclarity Member Posts: 3,078
    @Adean I think thats incredibly raw and honest of your husband and of you too!!! I totally agree I went through the stage last year through Chemo and as it was a recurrence I admit...PETRIFIED. BUT I tell myself now as is the case..clear scans, clean bill of health...Cancer has gone!!! and I will continue to put that out to the Universe...that I am healthy and its gone. Big hugs!!! Thanks for sharing that, Melinda xo
  • primekprimek Broken HillMember Posts: 4,406
    The only person I've said it too  is a fellow bc sister currently doing it tough. I told her as she just thought like  so many I breezed through it. I didn't . ..and still have fears all the  time. She needed to know that we are all scared. I tried  to tell my husband but the response  was ...you just have to be positive. It doesn't  help. Admitting it, shedding a tear, cuddling. That just lets that fear out ...even if for just a monent. Thanks for sharing. Kath x
  • Brenda5Brenda5 Burrum Heads, QldMember Posts: 2,018
    Be gentle with hubby, its a heart thing and for some reason whether its the meds or the illness it becomes a very fragile emotional time. My step dad actually cried when we visited him in hospital after having stents put in his heart. He was so glad to see us. It was the most emotional I have ever seen him and that was over 20yrs ago. He has since had knee ops and eye ops, a bladder emergency infection and he was still glad to see us but never as emotional as with the heart. I think its kind of an emotional wilderness time when having heart treatments, not knowing if you'll be ok or not. Thankfully your hubby is ok now. <3 
    PS as to if I was or am scared of breast cancer? I would be silly if I wasn't but constantly worrying about it won't make it any better so I just get on with it.
    I am officially a one year breast cancer survivor now. :)
  • AfraserAfraser MelbourneMember Posts: 1,625
    Coming to terms emotionally with what you know intellectually (none of us will live for ever and most of us have no idea when our time will end) is hard, whatever the reason for that sudden epiphany! I am not sure it's any easier for the older than it is for the younger.  Irrespective of faith, we are hard wired to avoid death and it scares us accordingly.  But I am pretty sure it is a good thing when you do come to terms with it and acknowledging the fear is the first step. It's not morbid and it often makes your appreciation of the rest of your life all the better. There are precious few 'benefits' of having cancer but reducing that fear has been one for me.
  • rowdyrowdy Member Posts: 1,165
    Hi ladies scared absouloutly,still scared about it coming back.
    All we can do is live our lives to the fullest and some how find some positives and beauty in every day.
    hope everyone is well today xx 
  • ScorpionQueenScorpionQueen Picton NSWMember Posts: 750
    edited November 2016
    Of course it's OK! and scared is a light word.....my hubby said to someone who referred to this as our "journey", "this is no journey! It's the f#$%ing, scariest nightmare! a "journey" is pleasant!"   I am petrified that I will have reoccurrance....we will forever be looking over our shoulders....

    Men, unfortunately, don't express as freely as women....he has had his own wake up call and along with your battle, he has realised the enormity of it all....and the fragility of life itself.......it takes a special someone to  not only stand by you in such times, but admit and show their own emotions.....admitting you are scared doesn't make you weak, it makes you REAL......this is real! the emotions are real.....hang on to him as he hangs on to you.....you are meant to be....together your love WILL conquer all <3

    Wishing you both beautiful days and easy recovery
  • socodasocoda LeumeahMember Posts: 1,691
    Hi Adean, I think it's wonderful that your hubby was so brutally honest, it strikes right to the core of your relationship. I know of others who have had heart attacks and the fear associated with having another heart attack can be so very debilitating. This fear does lessen with time. I don't think any of us would be human if we weren't scared when our lives which are normally so steady get threatened, and I also think that it can be the biggest learning curve we will ever be thrown. Acknowledging we get scared, petrified and then dealing with it, and then using it as a new perspective on our lives is to me a gift, one that can bring a renewed sense of pleasure in the mundane. Might be an idea for hubby to get a spot of counselling to help deal with his fear. Big hugs to the pair of you Xx
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