I'm out of sync with life...
Day 8 - after round three
Disappointment
noun
sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one's hopes or expectations
Had an ordinary day yesterday...low energy etcetera...etcetera
Had an awkward sleep too...a night filled with short burst dreams...waking and staring at the ceiling...going to the bathroom. At least my dreams are in sync with me...they all point to the roller coaster of feelings that having BC has bought..
What's not in sync with me is LIFE....I was soooo excited to hear that one of my favourite performers was finally making her way to Australia! Dita VonTeese, the Queen of Burlesque! I have admired her from afar for years and even painted pictures of her, but now in June, she was coming to Sydney! I hurriedly looked up the proposed tour dates and thought YES! Then about an hour later I realised something.....I checked my chemo schedule.....her tour begins 4 days after my last cycle........my heart sank 
I rechecked the tour dates and the rest of the country ends 18 days after my last round........what a bummer.....I can always book and fly to the last show right? Well yeah I could, BUT there is no guarantee I will feel well enough to even go out let alone fly....so there goes that ...I got so upset about it I gave myself a huge headache! I cursed the heavens and cursed the day I got BC!
In reality, it's probably such a trivial thing to some, life is full of disappointments....but to someone with cancer (or any illness i suppose) and in active treatment it's a HUGE thing.....So many events have been on the radar this year and ALL of them fall a few days AFTER my chemo doses! Never in my good week .
Our life revolves around treatments, appointments and if we feel well enough to even get out of bed...... although temporary, it sucks BIG time.
So I woke up still feeling disappointed, did my exercises, ate breakfast and took my meds.....looked outside at the smoky horizon (must be back burning somewhere) and took a deep breath......not long now and this will be a distant memory, a chapter finished.......and then I can write a new chapter,
One where life is back in sync....and Dita will still be waiting!
Xx
Comments
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Just a thought, Tracy. I know that there have been a few people on here who have rearranged treatment around a special event that was important to them. It might be worth a chat to your oncologist to see if it would be possible to delay that final chemo just a few days to allow you to attend that concert.
Having that to look forward to and to not feel that bc has totally derailed your life might really help you to cope better with your treatment. I kept my spirits (and those of my loved ones) by planning a couple of mini long weekend escapes during chemo. They really helped me to find the energy to keep going.
Just a thought. Hope you are soon feeling better from this round. Take care. Deanne xxx
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Should read, "Kept me spirits UP"
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Oh my gosh, my not me Aahh!
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lol! Don't you love auto correct? I think we are so used to it now we automatically read what it's supposed to say!
i did think of postponing, but I'll be on the second drug by then , Doxcetaxel and I have no idea how I'll cope....I know with the first lot FEC it's had a cumulative effect on me ... I go out when feeling well but don't really want to be there, if you get my drift.... This show is such a big event even including a meet and greet cocktail party! I thought I should be in perfect health to thoroughly enjoy it..... I've now made it a goal to see her in her home country USA... We have made verbal plans to travel to USA after this nightmare.... that's what will be my end of treatment treat!
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I was tempted too with a singer coming nearby, right in the middle of my chemo treatments. Tickets were affordable and apart from the risk of infection I thought I might still go, I even had a trendy black mask ready. Then I checked the date, right on Easter Sunday. I thought to me it was just not the right time to be having a concert so I didn't go. Never heard any raves of how good it was either so it mustn't have meant to be for me.
Chemo is so not exciting but it has to be done and sitting around with side effects is not inspiring either but you do get through it. Hang in there. XXX
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