How not to say the wrong thing

Goodness - we can all relate to the thoughtless comments of family and friends

Oh NE, I hear you!  My Mum "supported" me almost right out of my own illness.  She even asked if she could come in to an appointment with me because she had left her phone at home and I might get lost between the waiting room and the door 2m away!

Oh man, don't get me started on the mum! (love her to bits) but when I received my BRCA2 diagnoses recently in October the news hit very hard for me and I spiralled into a depression for about 3 weeks in which I couldn't manage the constant contact and questions from everyone so I avoided my Facebook and told my family and friends I needed a small break from social media and texts/contact as it made me more anxious being asked 'how I feel' all the time. Mum at the time was texting daily and I said to her too that I needed a break from the constant contact and wouldn't be responding to every singel picture or inspirational quote or text she was sending because it was a bit overwhelming all the contact. Mum got so upset upon hearing my request, she said to me "I am your mother!, I shouldn't need permission to text or contact you, and ahould be allowed to contact my daughter whenever I want to comfort her. "I don’t want to feel like I need to walk on egg shells around you either". She especially didn't appreciate me asking her to stop asking me how I was.  She could not respect my small request to be left alone for just a couple of days while I sort myself out emotionally.  She didn't understand my anxiety and didn't seem to care how it all made me feel.. She then said "I hope you snap out of whatever it is that is making you so irrational, because you acting this way, and telling friends you want a break is just going to push them away and you are hurting the people that care for your the most". I have always had an issue with her not respecting my boundaries but this took first prize!

Oh NE, my Mum made it all about her!  She promised not to tell anyone and then the very next day she was on the phone with my Aunt laughing and saying "I know, she has to lift her top everytime she meets someone new".  I was mortified.  My Aunt had just been diagnosed with lung cancer so I know Mum was comparing, but when I told Mum not to say stuff like that ... she stood there and told me off!

Oh Mira your comment made me smile!  Aren't family the worst sometimes???  I've recently sent my sister a photo of my new chemo curls of which I am soooo proud and excited about regardless of the curls.  Her response?... "Wow that is really 'different'" (different?? huh)..then she goes further...."you should shave your head bald again like G I Jane!" what the???

:) Hugs to you and thanks for the post. x

Hi Mira, wonderfully explained, they should teach this stuff in schools!

Kim

Hi Mira:) This is a really GREAT article.I hope that lots of ladies on here read it,as it's a very simple way of explaining to people about a very common problem.Thanks Robyn xox

Excellent article 

Kerr Kerr 

Your welcome Athena, I might put a copy on the fridge door so that my mother sees it! :)

cheers

Mira

What a great idea maybe I can forward to some outer circle dwellers by accident and they may get the idea. 

Thanks