Nat update

Hey, theres only one thing worse than getting a BC diagnosis, with all the shit treatment to go with it, that would be having a child getting ill.  My heart bleeds for you, and hey ya can't just quit, can you.  While your guts are slowly being ripped out.  You will find the strength and so will your daughter.  She is venting on you, just like I put my hubby through hell (yep I was going to shoot docs a lot during chemo).  My thoughts are with you both.

Pam

Hi Sue

So sorry to hear about your and Nat's shit day. I am having a shit day too. I am blabbing again today too. Some days I just feel as if I am such a weak person and that I should just suck it up and get on with things. But then I remind myself that acknowledging that this is a shit day, IS how we keep going. The tears have a purpose. There has to be an outlet otherwise we'd go insane. Having a bad day lets us recognise the good days. We can't have one without the other. Hating this cancer shit makes us love other things about our life more.

My beautiful 18 yr old son gave me such a shock last week when I came home from work and he had completely shaved his head in support of me starting chemo. It was so sweet but to be honest it broke my heart just a little to think that he made himself look like that for me. This same son told me years before that the heart is a muscle. And just like other muscles, when it breaks it mends and then grows back stronger. That thought sometimes makes me feel that the horrible feeling we get as mothers when something is hurting our kids - that deep ache I get in my chest when I am worried or hurting for my sons - has a purpose. That ache is making me stronger. No pain no gain. That heartache you feel, while shitty, is helping you love your daughter even more. Does that make sense?

I am wishing you and Nat all the very best. Both of you are in my prayers.

Nadine

Hi Sue

I have just come across your post as I am relatively new to the site myself and have been on and off the site a bit as I struggle through my own BC journey, having now completed surgery and chemo and currently undergoing radio. I went back to read through your posts so far and am in tears reading your distress as a mum, as I know it is exactly how my own mum is feeling!

I am 34 yrs old and was diagnosed in June this year, although older than your daughter I am still my mum's baby too! I can honestly say watching my mum go through all this along side me is both immensely comforting and excruciating at the same time as I'm sure you can appreciate. As I entered the chemo ward each time and took my position in the chair, seeing the look on her face (as others in the room had that look of realisation hit their faces that it was me and not her in for treatment) was absolutely soul destroying. I felt as helpless to her as she did to me!

I too had the daunting experience of going through the fertility treatments before chemo, SO many injections and a total emotional rollercoaster! I also had to go through the Nivestim bone injections each round so again know how it feels. They are god awful, hurt like all hell and will make her body ache from head to toe worse than anyone can imagine, BUT they work wonders and I did not get sick or hospitalised when on them even when my white count dropped and I was anaemic. Hang in there and tell her to remember 'It's all temporary'. I had a needle phobia before my BC diagnosis but ended up doing all my injections myself as I felt more in control and at least I didn't have to watch anyone else do them! Needle phobia now cured!

Please remember that your beautiful girl has gone from a hugely exaggerated high of hormones while on fertility treatment to literally no hormones overnight with the start of chemo as I did. Don't take the things she says personally, I know that's hard, but it is almost uncontrollable and to express how you are feeling normally at that point is impossible! It's so overwhelming for everyone.

It's terrifying and unfair. My mum also wished it was her not me, but that doesn't change what you both have to deal with now. Stay strong and know that what your'e both doing is for the greater good, hard though it is. Just sit beside your precious girl and be there, it's all she needs right now. No words can really offer that much comfort when you feel like death going through chemo and believe me she won't know what to do to help herself, so too many questions (even well intentioned ones!) on what she needs can be beyond frustrating for her. Just be. She will ask if there is something physical you can do. 

The family dynamic is difficult. My sister didn't deal well with it. She is the one used to being the centre of attention while I am always the one that likes to be 'out of sight'. I hate being in the spot light almost as much as she hates me being there taking the attention away from her! Really not my choice, bloody BC. Ha Ha, it's never easy is it! I'm glad your family is getting some outside help, it is really important everyone learns some coping strategies.

I am a local Adelaide hills lady, both mum and I are close if you or your daughter need any support along the way, even if it's just a cuppa! Please don't hesitate to get in touch if needed in any way.

You are both amazingly strong ladies, more so than you will realise at this point. Take one day at a time, drink LOADS of water (both of you!) and breathe. Sending you both huge hugs and plenty of love. Holly xxxxx 

PS. Get her to suck on ice chips during chemo to help prevent mouth ulcers. Gargle with salt and bicarb rinse four times a day, suck on fruit tingles and don't eat any of her favourite foods! She may never want to eat them again as everything tastes awful and you associate it when chemo finishes!

Thank Pam, I know in my heart she is venting at me which is fine we all need to vent,  today I can take it I had my sook kicked my self back into gear my smiley face is on (till the next time lol)

Thank Nadine, I think that was what I was feeling yesterday that I was a weak person and I could suck it up and get on with it and how the hell was I going to keep going for her when she was a having a shit day I needed to be there for her so yep I came on here and I cried and cried and today I feel like I got this I'm her mum and yep we can do this..

How lovely of your son to do that for you.  Kids hey just when you think you have them worked out, they do something so lovely It reminds us just how much we love them.

Yes what you said makes a lot of sense 

Thank you 

Oh Christine, what a lot you have on your plate! You and your daughter will get through this. What a great mum your are being there for her like that. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling going through it with her. Please take care. I know a little about going through court systems with this kind of stuff. It will sap your energy. But it WILL pass. Take a notebook with you and write down the suggestions of your lawyer - sometimes they have good ones. Call on all the resources you have available to you. I used Lifeline to get through some tough situations which were out of my control before. Just having someone to talk to late at night when the anxiety hits can really help. Take care. Nadine

I have no experience with ICE or any of the drug culture but what I see from the tele looks awful. Stay strong. 

Hi Ladies,

Well shit days doesn't even seem to come close to whats going on for you all! 

Firstly, scared Mum. I feel for you. This is so hard to stand by and watch. Those helpless feelings would be dreadful. I always said that I was glad it was me and not one of the kids. The needles are awful and must be horrendous for someone frightened of them. I suggest you go to the chemist and get some emla cream. Put it on a couple of hours before the injection and the area is numb, so it no longer hurts. 

You will keep going as the other option sucks more. Days like today, allow the tears. Acknowledge the feelings and keeping going one step at a time. Try to organise something nice for you both when Nat is feeling up to it. 

To Christine, your daughter is in for a tough time but it will be better than staying with her husband. Happiness is the best revenge. Walk away as best you can and concentrate on her and her children.  Sometimes when life is so difficult and hard, you don't understand why and how you will get through. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can start to climb back up. Being away from that man will help her emotionally and physically. Knowing that she is showing her children strength and love by doing so. You will also get through the tough times and come out the other side stronger and happier than before. 

Sorry girls, it stopped letting me type. 

Take the time to stop and smell the roses. You need to be well and healthy for your daughters as they are going to need you both. If you need time out, take it. I wish you both well moving forward and really hope that things start to pick up soon for your families. Take care. Karen xox

How good is that tho that Nat has her loving mum doing the caring? You have been given a very important roll and although its very difficult for you to bear you will come through it as Nat will too. Imagine you two laughing about it in years to come. Hang in there.

Domestic splits are the pits as my sister just got out of one for the second time I might add. Somehow she got the guilt's and thought is was her fault and went back. No it flaming well wasn't but she had to find out for herself and she has and all good now making a new life for herself.

Parents are just such a gift at such times and their roll is really important too, no only for the daughter but for the children as well who can spend some time seeing how proper normal couples live and get though life.