Having a bad day!
How to get over this feeling of frustration while waiting, waiting, waiting for appointments. Where to go when you don't know if what's being done is what should be done! Who to ask when what you read should happen isn't what actually happens during appointments with professionals! Whether to put up and shut up because you're a 'freebie' on the medical system, with no funds to go private! All this talk of the emotional side of breast cancer and the understanding and support that will be forthcoming - why do I feel like an ungrateful, moaning bitch then (not my usual nature)! I was diagnosed on 7th Aug, met with surgeon on 18th Aug and given option to choose lumpectomy or mastectomy - come back next Mon (24th - hospital will phone with apt time) and meet with different surgeon to tell him my choice as original surgeon is going on leave! Met with breast cancer nurse who explained more clearly what my choices were. No phone call by 21st so phone hospital who said appointments in my town on 24th are full, so I could go to adjoining town (35kms) away on 26th Aug or wait until following Mon. Accepted the 1st choice - especially as worried with the timeframe escalating. Following this had phone call to say I could have surgery in adjoining town as this surgeon is also now going on leave, or would have to wait another week or so for a locum to be appointed. So went to pre-admission on 2nd Sept and had surgery on 15th Sept - chose the lumpectomy. A lot of drama on the day as I had to have the radiotherapy stuff for the sentinel lymph node biopsy done in my town and then go the 35kms to the next town for surgery! All done and home the next day. Follow up visit on 1st Oct and saw yet another doctor who asked me what I was there for and then read my file and gave me the results. The really good part is the lymph node biopsy is clear and all is negative for hormones - happy about that! But recommendation is for a mastectomy because they found 3 cancers and they were lying close to the chest wall. I was told this would probably be followed up with chemo. Refused to give me a copy of pathology report and said to ask the breast cancer nurse for it. Sent to pre-admission straight away - but no date yet for second operation and now a long weekend to wait! Tried to contact the breast cancer nurse but she's on leave until the middle of October. So with my first wounds still painful, I'm waiting for more to be inflicted without knowing when even! Understanding and support? I'm sorry I don't feel it! I feel like a mean old bitch who doesn't deserve any better! Sorry about this, but I do feel better now for having got it off my chest! Rant over - hope I can laugh about these feelings tomorrow - maybe I won't even post this!
