Learning the Breathe again
After my "melt down" the other day, I update my other blog which can be found here with more thoughts on my progress through the seven gates. Today is a better day. Today I am learning to breathe again.
I am learning that not every step forward is actually resulting in a step backwards and then a twist to the side, and if it does and I find myself facing yet another direction then I should admire the view. The warrior, arrogant part of me wants to stay put and let this chaos completely engulf - "bring it on for 'tis just a flesh wound"... just like the Black Knight's challenge from Monty Python's "Search for the Holy Grail".
The other part wants to click my heels three times in the belief that like Dorothy I will return to Kansas (normality), the life that I was living just over a month ago.
I have been asked why write about an ancient myth about a Goddess descending into the Underworld - why? Because that is what I am interested in. I have always been interested in worldly myths, ever since childhood. As an adult this interest learn me to become interested in ancient cultures and sacred sites. I write about myths, interpreting them and even to the extent of re-enacting the ancient honouring practices. This interest in mythology, led me to metaphysics and develop an interest in psychology (psychoanalyst Carl Jung use myth in his practices and writings). The story about Inanna (or Ishtar) and her descent and and assent from the Underworld, the Great Below is extremely powerful. It has been interpreted to represent the birth/death/rebirth cycle, the life/death cycle of plants, the life/sacrifice/resurrection theme found in many cultures and religions. Not to mention the fact that the number 7 keeps popping up, especially within metaphysics - there are seven "ages" of man, seven main "chakras" (energy centres), seven astral bodies, seven auric fields, seven "prime" planets, etc and many of these overlap.
Focusing on something that I know is helping me to gain some stability amongst this chaos.
Already well meaning friends are posting "alternative" cures - reminding me that cancer is just a "mid set". I used to believe that at a soul level, we created everything that occurred in our lives, that illness resulted in some thought pattern or repeated practice that occurred on the outer astral levels and over time without being changed, worked its way through the different levels until manifesting in the physical. Now I am questioning all these beliefs and more - for it is a completely different feeling when you are actually standing at the edge of the abyss staring into the darkness where all personal beliefs go out the window.
Comments
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I'm grateful for your thoughtful post. The Inanna story speaks of universal feelings and certainly applies to my experience of the BC treatment journey - through dangerous territory with a dark side. (Surgery in December, 6 months chemo and nearly finished 6 weeks of radiation.)
I also had friends who share alternative therapies and theories with me. I quickly decided to accept their care but stick with mainstream science.
And I also have wondered about causes. I'm sure that our mindset and choices (conscious and unconscious) influence all aspects of our lives, but I can't see a direct and strong link with BC in my case. Maybe I just can't bear to see it. But still, I prefer to turn my attention to the immediate situation and future. I'm shaping my mindset and choices (conscious, and unconscious where possible) to ensuring the best possible outcome for long term survival. Eating well, daily exercise, love and laughter.
Yesterday, for the first time I found my mind was picturing 10 years ahead where I was healthy and happy and looking back on this as just another of the challenging events in my life. I think I'll foster that image and invite it back!!
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Thank you Gillian. Focus on the here and now I think is the best I can do however to hear that you are able to imagine a longer term goal must be so rewarding and encouraging for you:)
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