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ange09's avatar
ange09
Member
11 years ago

dealing with risking fertility due to chemo

Hi everyone,

I was diagnosed with BC back in February.  As you all know, it was a huge shock and a deeply depressing time as I waited for my surgery (mastectomy of left breast).  We thought that perhaps I had caught it early, surgery would be the only treatment.  However, after the biopsies came in, I need to do chemo- more as a safety measure.

I'm 31, newly married, and was trying to start a family before this all happened.  To say i'm shell-shocked is a bit of an understatement.  I don't really know what to think, feel, say anymore.  I'm currently going through ivf to get some embryos frozen to try and preserve fertility due to the obvious risks of chemo. I only have time for 2 cycles before chemo starts and my first cycle did not returned a good result.  I'm so scared and anxious about this next round.  And even though I know you can get pregnant naturally after chemo, and maybe I won't need to use the embryos after all (if ivf process is successful), I cant stop thinking that maybe this is all a sign that I shouldn't be a mum.

I lost my mum 2 years ago suddenly, and most of my girlfriends are either pregnant or have kids.  I'm finding it hard to connect to others relating to these issues and themes, and finding it hard to talk to my girlfriends about it.  Its obviously an amazing time for them and I don't want them to not talk "babies" around me or anything like that...... but its hard.  One of my closest friends just had her baby 3 days ago.  We were planning to be pregnant together.  I'm so incredibly happy for her, but also feel just so sad and angry that me and my husband have to be challenged in this way.

I'd love to hear any stories, thoughts, feelings from other young women who have been faced or are facing a similar situation, or if anyone has any resources or knowledge on support groups specific to young women and BC.  I'm from Melbourne and would be open to catching up with others, if anyone wanted to.

Sorry to be a bit negative, i'm usually an upbeat person, but this is JUST SO HARD.

Thanks in advance,

Ange

5 Replies

  • Bibi39's avatar
    Bibi39
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hi Ange,

    My heart goes out to you. Ive just started IVF 3 days ago in between mastectomy and chemo. I tried to see the IVF option as a blessing to give me a chance, but i had very little knowledge and still do about everything that is happening in my body. I wonder do you have a hormone positive cancer? mine is high at 90% so it feeds on hormones. I am day 3 into injections and still don't know if its the right thing to do. My mind set is to simply focus on living and surviving first. so the baby is really just an after thought. I am lucky as i have a 10 month old to get me through and she is my world. I was pregnant with baby 2 during the results period and had to abort as it was too much of a gap between this and chemo. the focus on having babies has become a second thing and i am doing it as a precaution. if it doesn't work it doesn't work. i don't have the energy to focus on getting too upset at the results. but i understand that driving force behind wanting children. I have a wonderful friend in the uk who adopted a baby from america (her native land) her real mother was a drug addict nice huh. the childs life has been transformed by my friend and she is able to provide a better life. its a beautiful story. Life is so complicated. i do understand your pain and heartache and i want to send you some virtual love. 

    x

  • ange09's avatar
    ange09
    Member
    11 years ago

    Thanks so much Dee for sharing. It's really heart warming to hear a positive story:) I like your idea of setting time lines, that might help me not trying to race ahead 2 years to wait before trying to conceive does feel like such a long time, but I know it's only in my best interests. I can't even imagine the stress you had to go through with our diagnosis whilst pregnant. Thanks again for sharing x

  • sillysam83's avatar
    sillysam83
    Member
    11 years ago

    Hi Ange 

    Your post really hits the spot with me. 

    I too was diagnosed shortly after getting married (4 months) and we too were planning a family, I was 28 at the time. Breaks my heart that you are going through similar things I went through years ago. 

    Hubby and I got 4 successful Embroys. I wish you all the luck in your 2nd try. We haven't attempted to use them yet as I'm still on hormone therapy treatment.

    Please email me as I too am from Melbourne and I would love to chat to you more. 

    sillysam83@hotmail.com 

     

    -Merylee

  • Dee_Jones's avatar
    Dee_Jones
    Member
    11 years ago

    Hi Ange, completely get how hard it is and it's so okay to be negative about this stuff from time to time, well I think so anyway it helps you get through. Rather than having to be positive some times having this all just sucks days helps. However hopefully my story will help as I'm lucky it is a positive one.

    I was diagnosed in 2012 whilst 31 weeks pregnant with my first child. Like everyone found everything overwhelming and scary (still do at times). I was lucky enough to only have a lumpectomy and my baby was induced at 37 weeks (which to my delighted resulted in a natural birth) and I commenced chemo two weeks later. I was really concerned about my baby and what would happen to my fertility. I managed to get an appointment with and IVF specialist who explained our options there was a small possibility of being able to freeze eggs but what I would have to go through in the two weeks post birth and staring chemo, plus cost and the success rate didn't work for us so we decided to leave it wasn't the right option for us at the time.

    We were hoping to have our children close together if possible and I was hoping to fall pregnant with my second around the same time as my friends and so felt disappointment when the drs told me that we would need to wait a minimum of 2 years before trying again. However I was extactic when post treatment my period returned, a step in the right direction. At my 2 year check my dr suggested we wait another 6 mths to have some tests repeated which I was again disappointed with. But then had the tests, got the clear from the dr and a month later I was pregnant. I'm now 28 weeks with my second and feel so incredibly grateful every day as I know not everyone has a positive outcome.

    I have been involved in a research project developing a new resource that will be available through Cancer Council on fertility . It is really good and touches on all different areas. I wished something like it was available when I went through this as I found it hard to find reliable information.

    I found it really hard not to be worried and scared especially as we didn't have the option of saved eggs to fall back on but just took each day at a time and set times to worry. ie.e if my period doesn't return by this date i'll look at what my options are, wait for the drs to give a clear and then start trying, try for a year before seeing dr about fertility. Everytime I raced ahead to researching what ifs I felt completely overhwhelmed.

    I'm in Sydney so can't catch up in person but happy to chat over phone or email. Wishing you all the best for your treatment x