Chemo Finished

jussylee

Hi all

just finished 18 weeks of neoadjuvant chemotherapy! Now I'm waiting on a date to have my surgery for a double mastectomy and reconstruction, followed by 6 weeks of radiation. My oncologist put me on Tamoxifen a week ago and all I have done today is cry. I thought i would be doing cartwheels when my chemo finished and starting to feel somewhat resembling my old self. Im so angry at how much this disease has taken over my life. I didn't feel these emotions when I was going through Chemo, is this a side effect of Tamoxifen or just normal?

Deanne

Firstly congratulations on finishing chemo! You sound like a normally positive person but like most of us (no matter how positive we want to be) this process can have its down times.

I had some very teary days when I started tamoxifen. Maybe it was the drug, maybe the hormonal adjustments or maybe just the whole deal of having Breast cancer and treatment catching up with me. It did settle though. 

It is so hard when you just want to start to move forward and feel 'normal' again but having a major illness does take over your life and does take a lot of adjusting too.

I am now 16 months from when I finished treatment (mastectomy, 18 weeks chemo and 25 radio sessions) and still have the odd day when I feel a bit fragile but feel pretty good most of the time. Tamoxifen side effects seem to settle and life does feel 'normal' again now.

Hope it helps to know that most of us have these feelings at some point and that usually time does help. I found keeping in touch with others on here very helpful. Take care and hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

Deanne xxx

Robyn W

I agree with Deanne.I have been on Tamoxifen for 15 months now.In the beginning,I also was teary ,but looking back,I really believe it was a combination of the emotional side effect of finishing chemo,combined with the Tamoxifen.I feel really well now,amd taking Tamoxifen for me is no different to taking a Panadol.It wasn't always like this though,so perhaps be gentle on yourself,and realise that good old time will almost certainly help things to settle down.In the meantime,use this blog as a place where you can talk about your side effects,and hopefully see that you are not alone.CheersxoxRobyn

mum2jj

Hi Jussylee,

I  had triple negative breast cancer so no tamoxifen for me.  Once all my treatment was finished I fell in a bit of a heap for a while.  I was great whilst going through it, kind of like I had a job to do.  When it was over everyone around me was ecstatic.Of course I was too.  However whilst everyone else expected me to just get on with life I felt I was floundering a bit.  I had some lovely phone sessions with a psychologist from the Cancer Council that really helped.  I am now 4 years since treatment finished and doing just fine. Be kind to yourself, it is normal to feel a bit down.  If it doesn't pass then maybe have a chat to your Doctor.

Cyber hugs to you.

Paula x 

jussylee

Thanks Deanne
i do feel better talking to people that know what I'm going through. Thanks for your reply
Justinexx

jussylee

Thanks Robyn.
It is good to feel that I'm not alone and i feel better knowing that things will settle down
Justine xx

jussylee

hi Paula
thanks for your reply, I think you are right, when i was having chemo I stayed strong and had a fairly positive attitude and now I'm probably floundering a bit too.
Justine xx

rivergum

Hi Jussylee

Me too! but it was just as much a chemo hangover I think. Getting out for walks and chats with friends helped the transition. I've been on tamoxifen since October and I'm feeling pretty stable. I've even taken up not too strenuous rowing with friends which is a real mood boost. Still having plenty of hot flushes.

I wonder though, do people notice the quality of their voice has changed after chemo, or on tamoxifen. Or is it that I've changed my speaking style since getting through all this? 

Deanne

Hi Meg
I think our throats and vocal chords are affected by lots of things that happen during treatment. It is very common to have some damage from the breathing tubes that they use on us during a general anesthetic. Then chemo definitely has some nasty effects too.
I had some effects for a while but they seem to have improved even though I am on tamoxifen (or maybe I am just used to it now!). Deanne xxx

rivergum

We get used to everything!

Hadn't thought about breathing tubes. Didn't notice any side effects this time round thank you Mr Vincent Tan. I was wondering whether it was also the general effects of menopause accelerated by treatment.

Lovely to talk to you Deanne. xxx

Cheers

Meg

kathrynebarber

Congratulations on completing the chemo- You have had a harrowing time so feeling emotional is not unexpected even for very positive people so  you are not alone in your feelings.  I think no matter how strong we are we do  have our "fragile days" and it is not a sign of weakness. I felt the same way  when I started on Tamoxifen and then again at the end when I took my final Tamoxifen I felt emotionally wrecked for awhile. Best wishes for the Mastectomy and Reconstruction- I had the same surgery ansd am thrilled with the results.

Kathryne

Rosanna

Hi Jussy
Sorry to hear that.
In fact you were doing so well to the Chemo. This stage has gone. It's worth to reward yourself, you've really done a great job.
I can see that the chemo process purposely shrink ed your cancer cell so could ready for the surgery.
Please be brave, it may be a long way though, but it's good you come to this Web. We could share our experience and feeling. We all could support each other.
Yes, we are a patient, but it will gone, please don't let it knock you down. Sometimes we were sick, and that's it.
Dont let it control your thoughts, stay positive and happy. There must be something you could do to make you happy, maybe a movie, or an exercise.
Stay well yourself.
No doubt the Tamoxifen do affect your mood, especially it stop the estrogen, just like forcing us to menopause stage. I believed even without cancer, for those women in menopause stage would suffered from insomnia, bad temper, rough skin, etc. So keep relax and deep breathe, find interesting things to do and enjoy life. (This is I learn from this cancer)
Take care (hugging)
Rosanna