Up & Down
Wow, it already been a week since the operation to save my life and nearly a week at home. I have enjoyed many normal moments of my crazy, busy life.
I have been blown away by the generosity from the Brest Cancer foundation from breast pillows, to drainage tube bag holders, a awesome after surgery bra, diary and much more.
Its incredible, you see those who support by wearing the pink ribbon, but you have no idea how much that means to me or other women who recieve the support I am now recieving all because people support the cause and donate $, time and other items.
Knowing the statistic of women who suffer breast cancer makes me feel ill, knowing the amount of support for these women and men takes my breathe away. Support comes in so many forms, particulary didnt know how much I would want to cuddle the lady who made my drains holder, amazing nothing like being able to shower with out someone cause got bag that can hold them instead of a person. (Now on the hunt for funky fabric to send so another may get the same free gift I did).
Rocking my new look he he he (lets be honest I look no different).
Everyone saying wow you look so well.. Hmm yes I was extrememly lucky with my surgery and I will be forever thankful to my medical team. I guess in my mind though the hardest part of my battle is yet to come. The more you learn about chemotherapy the more scary it becomes although I am reasurred daily everyone deals with it differently & people work etc while they under go treatment. I can only hope I am one of those who seems to survive it. Im excited yet scared to meet the oncologist who can shed more light and what could be with my treatment.
The pain has been incredibly ok, probably why fear of the unknown chemo so bad.
My under arm is the soreest part. Nurses tell me I have high pain threshold which im unsure I believe as slowly my boobs are coming out in bruises, they becoming itchy which lets face it a good sign, i still dont have much feeling which I am guessing why pain ok. See the plastic surgeon thursday so I am sure she shed more light on how long it will take to feel sensation or whether i ever will..
Today-
I have decided I do not like roller coaster rides, the excitment of going up the hill & flying down the other side, squealing with excitement, heart racing and walking of with jelly legs.
Cancer seems to give me a constant physical & emotional roller coaster ride to which I must admit I do not enjoy.
Saw my breast surgeon for my check - Cancer was 14mm, grade 3, triple negative, lymph nodes clear, chemotherapy a must, possibility developing cancer else where possible / most likely to occur in the next two years if ever.
Am having full body scan next week to see if there is any other cancer they can see within me. ( drinking dye im ok with more needles seriously why do you have to inject me with dye to 
this sux
I feel like i have been soccer punched. No amount of positive thinking or my ability to go with the flow in life helps you when the doctor says we watch you closely for 2-5 years as it possible cancer of your type re occurs quickly.. Really, seriously, that bloody shit house.
Dont get me wrong im not silly, I did think about fact it may happen again but I was thinking when Im like 60-70, not before im 35yrs..
It was the big free fall & jelly legs, I just wasnt prepared for it & im not happy......
The reality of cancer truly sux, even though im not terminal or dying, trying to remind ones self not to live in fear of every lump & bump that it maybe more cancer..
I will beat this it just going to be a long roller coaster ride I will not enjoy..
I say to myself find the silver lining - there is always one
At this stage my immediate silver lining is not having chemo before my husband birthday I have great day planned and I will be well enough & healed enough to enjoy every single moment with my family.
Comments
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Hi Tam.....It is amazing to read your blog and those of others . It is a priviledge to be allowed into the heart and soul of breast cancer. Tonight I have had dinner with 2 friends who have had BC. One 4 yrs ago and another who is finishing her tx in Feb. It is so close to us all and that's not fair. I remember going for biopsies 18mths ago and feeling like I was frozen in a time warp......fortunately I was Ok, but it could also have been me too, walking your shoes. It hurts that you have a big year coming up with treatments and hope that the love from your family, friends and medical fraternity will help you through. In the end it's' you, yourself and I ' who has to have the surgery and treatments...not f air. Thinking of you every day and hoping the silver linings turn into golden good health .
best regards,
Simone
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