Seeking help!

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Shaannii
Shaannii Member Posts: 4
edited September 2016 in Supporting someone with breast cancer
Hi all, My name is Shani and I am 21 years old.

In June this year my mum who is 47, was diagnosed with Breast Cancer after finding a large lump in her left breast.

She was started on Chemotherapy straight away as the Cancer had spread to her Lymph Node under the armpit, but no where else luckily.

She had her first 3 months of Chemo and then started to go down hill..my mum has also suffered from Schizophrenia for twelve years now and unfortunately stopped taking her medication whilst having the Chemotherapy.

It has now been two months since her last session and she will not go back. Her mental state has deteriorated so she was put in hospital for eight days to hopefully get her thinking straight..but she has come out the same if not worse.

She will not talk about the Cancer with anyone, she is missing all of her appointments and is just seeming to be a completely different person.

I guess I am writing this as I am seeking some sort of help, I am an only child and I am trying my best to get mum back on track but I feel she needs some real guidance and inspiration. She is supposed to have Chemo once a week and has now missed 7 sessions. She is also supposed to be having Herceptin for the next 15 months but has now missed 3 doses. I am starting to get real worried. I am aware everyone has the right to refuse Chemo, but her mental state is not 100% for her to be making such a huge decision :(

If anyone has any advice or similar stories please share with me.

Thank you x.

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  • Robyn W
    Robyn W Member Posts: 1,932 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Shani I really feel for you .It must be so hard to be in this predicament.I feel that the best thing for you to do is seek the help of people that really understand your Mum,and her illness.Does she have a regular doctor that YOU could go to and ask advice?Is she in the right frame of mind that she could attend a BC support group?Most areas have something,and you may not have to travel too far.Also,the cancer council in each state have a phone line that you could call,and trained professionals might have experience with something similar to this and could advise and help,you.Please take care of yourself.Big hugsxxxx Robyn
  • Robyn W
    Robyn W Member Posts: 1,932 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Shani I really feel for you .It must be so hard to be in this predicament.I feel that the best thing for you to do is seek the help of people that really understand your Mum,and her illness.Does she have a regular doctor that YOU could go to and ask advice?Is she in the right frame of mind that she could attend a BC support group?Most areas have something,and you may not have to travel too far.Also,the cancer council in each state have a phone line that you could call,and trained professionals might have experience with something similar to this and could advise and help,you.Please take care of yourself.Big hugsxxxx Robyn
  • Daina_BCNA
    Daina_BCNA Member Posts: 796 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Hi Shani,

    It sounds like both you and your Mum are having a really tough time of it - but I think you're taking the right steps in reaching out and asking for some help.

    Can I suggest first that you give Cancer Council Helpline a call on 13 11 20 (it's free). They have a confidential telephone information and support line and anyone can call including family and friends. They have specially trained staff who can answer your questions about your Mum's cancer and treatment and can offer emotional or practical support for you both.

    There are other services that you might want to link in with (but I don’t want to overwhelm you) - so when you have a minute you might want to check out the following:

    • BeyondBlue might be a good place to get some advice and tips to help your Mum OR your Mum might even want to speak with one of their team or via the online web chat - http://www.beyondblue.org.au/

    I hope this give you some ideas of where you can seek help for you and your Mum.

    Please come back and tell us how you both go.

    Sending a big cyber cuddles

    ~Daina

  • mgndam1603
    mgndam1603 Member Posts: 753 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    I think Daina has it covered on getting some help for you and your mum and I hope that she is open to it. I know it must be very difficult and think perhaps a visit to her GP would be benifical as well. Of course there is privacy issues etc.

    Good luck sending you hugs.

    Donna

  • mgndam1603
    mgndam1603 Member Posts: 753 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    I think Daina has it covered on getting some help for you and your mum and I hope that she is open to it. I know it must be very difficult and think perhaps a visit to her GP would be benifical as well. Of course there is privacy issues etc.

    Good luck sending you hugs.

    Donna

  • Susan Linda
    Susan Linda Member Posts: 95
    edited March 2015
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    What a great daughter you are. As everyone has said you must speak to the team of people handling your mum's case. She needs professional support which unfortunately is not possible for you to give. Stay positive but ask for help please.
  • Susan Linda
    Susan Linda Member Posts: 95
    edited March 2015
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    What a great daughter you are. As everyone has said you must speak to the team of people handling your mum's case. She needs professional support which unfortunately is not possible for you to give. Stay positive but ask for help please.
  • Susan Linda
    Susan Linda Member Posts: 95
    edited March 2015
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    What a great daughter you are. As everyone has said you must speak to the team of people handling your mum's case. She needs professional support which unfortunately is not possible for you to give. Stay positive but ask for help please.
  • ilovemamag
    ilovemamag Member Posts: 9
    edited March 2015
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    I am so sorry to hear this news. I am 27 years old and my mum had the same diagnosis as your mum in June last year as well. I can relate to what you are going through somewhat although my mum does not have mental health issues. I agree with everyone's advice above. Don't forget to look after yourself as well. I felt I was not coping well after finding out my mum had secondary breast cancer and called the Cancer Council who were very helpful. Take care

    Karen x
  • Shaannii
    Shaannii Member Posts: 4
    edited March 2015
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    Thank you Hazel! Yes I have my grand parents and mums siblings (Aunty and an uncle) but mum won't listen to any of us it's like she is in denial and doesn't even believe she has cancer now. It's so hard because she doesn't understand what she's doing to herself and I will kick myself if one day she decides she wants the treatment and if it's too late by then :( I am in contact with her doctors and the mental health people so we will hopefully get her back on track soon! Thank you for your post xxx
  • Shaannii
    Shaannii Member Posts: 4
    edited March 2015
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    Thank you Robyn,
    I think a BC support group would be fantastic but her frame of mind right now would be impossible to get her there :( I have spoken with mums doctor and the doctors and nurse have even come over to see mum but mum asks them to leave straight away she feels as though they are intruding her privacy :( it's just a big circle we are going round and round in! Very frustrating but I am hoping it will work itself out before it is too late :( xxx

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