Five Pearls of wisdom

@PatsyN the emotions at the end of rads didn't make sense to me either. You know you're supposed to feel happy to be cured and relieved to be done with treatment, but you end up feeling sad for what has happened to you and lost as to what next. All of those happy and sad feelings were there, which is wierd and confusing and leaves you both underwhelmed and overwhelmed at once. It does get slowly better. I finished rads in Sept and still have bad days, for sure, but I stay on a much more even keel overall. Patsy, I'd like to share what I wrote in my diary on my last day of rads, which is anxiety provoking for me to do, but I think it reflects what you have said and hope it helps. Here it is...

I had my final radiotherapy today, which marks the end of active treatment for me. As I drove home reflecting on all that the year has brought, I couldn't make sense of the grief of all I have lost, the pain of what I have endured, and the ongoing uncertainty of whether or not it it has cured me. Feeling a little despondent in a moment when I should feel joy, relief and achievement, the sun shone through the rain and I was presented with a beautiful, clear rainbow in the sky and I knew instantly I am not alone and all is as it should be. No, I don't know what the future will bring for me, but I know that it is good, despite what I may endure.

The joy will come, look for it in the small things, but also allow yourself to grieve.