Sex after Double Mastectomy no Recon.
I am surprised by the lack of comments about recommencing intimate relationships after mastectomy. Sex can be such a positive and wonderful part of a relationship, maintaining connectedness, expressing longing and desire, and intimately knowing each other. The release of feelings. But even in a close, and long term relationship its pretty scary after surgery to try and rebuild, every so slowly, those connections, and perhaps will we ever feel confident again? Of course, not every person is fortunate enough to be in a relationship, or in a relationship that allows for safe sexual expression, and I acknowledge that. I'm sorry, I can only speak from where I am now. I think we all need a safe space to discuss the hurdles of sexual relationships after surgery. Breasts are part of our sexual identity - I imagine for most people. what I would like to say is this. We put it off for a bit. I was just starting to rebuild a bit of joy in my life, after the initial grieving, the early grief that is so profound and sad, and then we had sex. I liken it to when the stockmarket plummets. You bought shares at $5 and they are now 'worth' 20c. If you don't sell them, they may regain their value eventually. But when you sell them the losses are realised. So having sex for the first time afterwards, I felt, for me personally was like selling the shares when the market is low. The losses are realised. While we didn't have sex, all my memories are pleasant, and I remember good things, I'm still worth $5. But once we did, that joy of all the things that involved my boobs (so many parts of sex involve boobs I realise...) are suddenly screaming very loudly. It was profoundly sorrowful for me. I felt my missing "$4.80" and its going to take a lot of work, compassion, love and time for both of us to discover and create a new $4.80. We have been here before, finding our new normal after surgery has changed the way our relationship works. We will get there. It's different, its never the same, but it can still be good. I have listened to Dr Charlotte Tottman's podcast 'what you don't know til you know' - I know it will get better, we will find new tricks, new rituals, new joys. I just wanted to put this out there in the universe.
Sex, Myths and Menopause ..... SBS tonight, Thurs 31/3/2022 at 9.30pm
Apologies, ladies - I initially had the wrong channel & the wrong time! LOL. (Must have had a Menopause Moment!) I know what menopause did to me & it wasn't pleasant AND it took 10 years for me to 'get thru' - only to be diagnosed with BC 20 years later & be put thru some of the symptoms, again with the AIs! grrrr ..... They've come a long way in the last 30 years .... hopefully there will be valuable tips on what to look for & how to make it less debilitating for those who DO have a tough time of it. If you miss it ..... you should be able to watch it later in SBS On Demand for a month or so ..... I recorded it & am watching it now .... definitely worth watching if you can. 9.30pm on SBS this evening ... A good book to read is called the Wisdom of Menopause .... by Christiane Northrup - see if your library has it! ..... I recognised myself in the very first page below (about the rage!!). You can get it as an ebook too. Here's a link to a site where you can download books on menopause ... https://oceanofpdf.com/?s=menopauseQ&A Online ... Let’s Talk About Sex .... sign up for a chat ..
That horse bolted a long time ago for me :( .... but it may not be too late for you! Annabel Crabb leads the questions Click here to sign up ... https://www.breastcancertrials.org.au/qa-registration?utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=q&aonlinesex&fbclid=IwAR29TUt8W05ChDWGLepUWYRgxjL9CoJ86gF6z5ZjTPMSxW-o4taA8EFgIlM
