8 Years since Diagnosis of TNBC and I am going strong
Letting you know that I am now 8 years post Diagnosis and treatment for TNBC and I am alive and well. It is scary when we are first diagnosed and we often fear the worse. This is to give hope to newbies diagnosed with TNBC there is life after Treatment.
Tamoxifen, is there anyone out there who HAS NOT been suffering awful side-effects?
Hi All, I was a physically well, relatively fit, pain-free and youthful 54 year old woman before BC diagnosis on 29 October 2019. Surreal that I have since been made less well and more susceptible to all sorts of (possibly fatal, certainly life-altering) malaise - in order to ward off another. Angst re side-effects from surgery, radiation treatment, new antidepressant - and now the age- accelerating Tamoxifen waiting in the wings. The 'new normal' or 'new me' seems to be a horrifying prospect. Is there any good news about taking Tamoxifen? Enough to make me stop wondering why I should take the damn thing? Has anyone had minimal side-effects or found out how to stop them?
It's starting to sink in.
Hi all, I was diagnosed 3 weeks ago officially and had surgery last Thursday. I have been really positive so far but I haven't really been thinking too much about the diagnosis. I have been putting all my energy into going from appointment to appointment and relaying info to my hubby, family and friends. I have been concerned about how they are taking the news. However I sort of sagged today. I finally looked up this website and some of the reality hit home. My next appointment is next Wed and it will involve the next step of what treatment. I thought I had processed the shock but maybe not quite. I realise everyone feels differently and I have had wonderful support but I feel a bit disconnected. From my support peeps and from the cancer. It feels a bit like a story I'm telling about someone else and not me. Does any of this make sense? I was supposed to be going overseas to work in a few weeks which has now been cancelled and I have to finish work at my current job as I have been replaced. It also doesn't feel that real. So much going on in the world right now, 2020 not going to be my favourite year I think!!!
Our 'New Normal' - a thought provoking article
A friend of mine shared this recently .... Author unknown— I had no idea how much cancer sucks. The worst part of cancer is that so many people confuse it with so many illnesses like pneumonia or maybe even the sudden trauma of a broken hip. Although these diseases are acute, painful and sometimes dangerous, they are brief insults to the body and soul. Once the immediate danger is gone from the body, they usually do not recur or spread. You survive! You heal! They do not become a permanent burden in our minds or lives. You go back to your normal way of life, with no real misgivings. Cancer is not like that. Yes, it can be sudden, painful and debilitating. Yes, most of us survive and it is most unlikely that our cancer will return. BUT the difference is that our minds and our lives will never heal. Cancer in remission does not leave. The person we were before cancer ... will never be the person we are after cancer. Family and friends do not expect to see this change in us and are baffled as to why our lives will never get back to "normal". It is hard for all of us to accept that a cancer survivor is, and will somehow, always be a cancer patient. First, there are the obvious and common physical effects on our body and soul. Aches and pains may persist for years. Scars and permanent surgical changes will always be there. Chemotherapy injuries such as loss of hearing, heart damage, vision or nerve damage may follow us. We may have slight shortness of breath or decreased endurance. Our skin, nails and hair may change. We may taste or smell things differently. Or altogether lose our appetite and enjoyment of food. Or worst - lose our sexual drive or satisfaction. Our memories may never be as sharp. And sleep may become erratic. Our innocence is taken away - we lose our 'soul'. We may always be tired, even after a good night's sleep. We may become weak or our mental awareness may be lost. Loss of concentration may make it hard to work or enjoy something simple like a reading book, watching a movie or visiting with friends or maintain a job. We may not have the energy, the excitement. Life may be drained of fun, satisfaction or purpose. Perhaps the inescapable change is that you may have the "never leaving, always just around the corner", deep mental pain, that reminds us that today or tomorrow, the cancer may return. Every discomfort we get will seem to be some kind of sign that cancer has come back. Something as simple as a winter's cold, a toothache, or heartburn after a spicy meal, can scream at us! It is very difficult to "put cancer behind you" when it is always in the back of your mind. The clincher? None of this will be obvious to anyone else. No matter how much our family or medical caregivers try to empathise, to comfort, connect to understand - surviving cancer is a deeply changing and highly personal experience. With that being said, the cancer transformation is different for each person and each patient. None of us were the same before the disease, and none of us experience this disease the same way. There is no "NORMAL", it all becomes the "NEW NORMAL" Cancer sucks, and keeps on sucking. Deep healing requires the understanding that things are not the same. It requires communication and space, counseling, support and patience. It requires time to find the person you have become. Author Unknown
Feelings and waiting..
I like to write for my own therapy and figured here would be a good place to do it - for validation, to help others maybe, and just knowing I'm in an environment that understands this roller coaster. I only just got on it (3rd October) and have other health issues I'm waiting on answers for also. This is making things a tad difficult when it comes to appointments and knowing which order things need to be done. This week, attention goes to my heart. I'm on a beta blocker and we don't get along. It doesn't help my emotions at all and I'm walking around like a zombie. Tomorrow I have a heart ultrasound, Tuesday a catheter angiogram (CT showed blockages), so they will determine what treatment to go with, or put stents in on the spot. In other words, I have no outcome expectation. Cancer treatment can't start till they fix my heart issue. I have a surgeon appointment on the 22nd, as they'd booked me in for this Tuesday and obviously I was busy :-) So with all this, and the dr telling me to stay home till my heart is repaired, I have had way too much time on my hands. I try and keep busy, but with the BB slowing me right down and making me feel like crap, I get into lazy mode hugely. I don't doubt for a minute that my emotions re cancer, the unknown (ie still not knowing if I also have bowel cancer), the fear of what is to come etc.. all play a huge part in the downfall of my otherwise 'usually' positive nature. I also decided it would be ok for people around me - colleagues, friends/family to know what is going on. That can also be overwhelming. A lot of messages, phone calls, support. It's beautiful, but sometimes you just don't want to think about it all. I did the nice (?) thing and caught up with a few people for lunches over the last week, but maybe that was taxing too, how many times do we answer the questions. I know.. it's fantastic people care.. I am keeping my cool, but sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and imagine it's not there. So.. yesterday I just broke. I have hardly shed a tear up till now. I have talked to people, shared how I thought I felt, but never - until yesterday - knew exactly how it was that I was feeling... I am TERRIFIED. I am mourning the old me. I am bitter because now my life is going to be taken over with appointments, feeling crappy, not being able to do a lot of things I love doing for a while. And of course there is that feeling of facing your own mortality.. and having to decide what kind of surgery to go with. That is SUCH a horrible choice to have to make. I have the hugest admiration for all of you - I can do this (we don't have a choice really hey) but wow, the emotions.. it's going to be a long ride :( <3 <3
New Normal
We often talk on this network about creating and adjusting to a 'New Normal'. Nearly every day I walk up to the top of a hill near my house and always walk around and admire this Iron Bark gumtree at the top. It was blown over in a wind storm more than 15 years ago. There are enough roots in the ground that it has kept on growing; in a completely different way - New branches have grown up from the horizontal trunk, and what was the top of the tree has changed direction. It even has its own mistletoe growing in the top. How is that for slugging it out and creating a 'New Normal'!
