Inspiration-Rising above
Hi everyone, this is my very first attempt of writing a post. I have read a lot of inspiring stories from a lot of inspirational women and thought I would try to share my story. I am on that crazy Breast Cancer Journey. It started back on the 16th December 2011, just over a week till Christmas, when I got the dreaded news "you have Breast Cancer". I don't know why but I think I handled the news quite well, I was more concerned about telling my husband and kids more than anything. My biggest hassle at the time was getting appointments with all the necessary doctors I had to see to get treatment started ASAP, everyone was going off for the Christmas break. So I decided to try and enjoy Christmas and get ready for the hard slog in the coming new year. It begins, you know all those scary tests and scans. Diagnosed with Extensive Lobular Carsinomer w/- invasive Lobular Carsinomer in 6 seperate tumors, hormone receptive (do not know what all that means, just do what you gotta do!) Jan 2012 - Right Breast Mastectomy and full axillary node clearance. Feb 2012 - 6 rounds (TAC) chemo, June 2012 - 25 rounds Radiation. Sept 2012 - Left Breast Mastectomy. Arhh!!! all fixed, all good...Until...29th December 2014 - large tumor (metastic cancer) found in my left hip, guess what all specialists gone on Christmas holidays, again, YAY! Jan 2015 - Hip Replacement, Feb 2015 - Rehabilitation, March 2015 - 10 rounds radiation. After further scans 15th Feb 2016, it showed a spread of tumors to my bones. Started another 12 rounds of Chemo (Abraxane) on 19th Feb 2016. Currently taking Aromasin and waiting for my markers to go down. So here I am today, sharing my story. I also found myself on a real downer; you know the one, WHY ME? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? A whole lot of SELF PITY!!! I felt useless and unworthy. Don't get me wrong I had heaps of LOVE and SUPPORT from everyone around me but the mind can tell you crazy horrible things. So, there I am, feeling useless and broke because of all the medical costs, when I told myself to GET UP AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! I also told myself that there are so many other people out there going through far worse things in life than me. I have just finished reading this amazing book that has truely opened my heart and mind. The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life - ON FIRE - by John O'Leary, highly recommend it. I have found a new purpose in my life. With the help of my amazing daughter I have started a new venture. I now share Health & Wellbeing products with my friends and family while teaching them the importance of being aware of what they put on there bodies as well as what they consume. I have also learnt a lot about myself as well. Since starting my own business I no longer feel that my cancer is a curse, but quite the opposite, I now feel it is a blessing. I have learnt that everything in our lives happens for a reason, and that we are meant to learn and grow from everything that we experience in our lives. I have learnt to love myself, scars and all, to look in the mirror and feel gratitude for who I have become, a stonger, confident and a more authentic women. Personal development, gratitude and visualisation have become very important parts of my daily life. Learning to set myself goals to reach what I want out of life is also very important to me. Sometimes I reach those goals and sometimes I don't, but it doesn't matter. If I can just inspire one person it makes everything worth it. Where my life is right now, is all that matters and I am HAPPY. Sending much love from my heart to you all on this journey.
Sometimes...
Sometimes life with cancer just becomes life with cancer. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, no time to move on - its just life with cancer. You do your best to live well. You meditate, you eat well, you research treatments, you exercise, you go to support group, you see your oncologist, you have your bloodtests, you see your counsellor, you see your psychiatrist, you see the dentist, you see the podiatrist, you go to chemo, you go to the pharmacy, you take the drugs, you go to accupuncture, you say affirmations, you visualise a positive future, you take time to be grateful, you try to finish the bloody family photos, you sleep. You do the Mum things (but you have help with that because you are too tired from trying to live well with cancer) - you do the pick ups the drop offs, you watch tennis and swimming, you go to the carnivals, you go to the literacy sessions, you hear readers and test spelling, you listen to piano and singing. You try to be a good partner. You try to see the good in every day. You try to be grateful your situation isn't worse. But, it's still life with cancer. You no longer plan for a future. You find it harder and harder to visualise that wedding you dreamed of going to (you know your 6 year old son's), real doubt starts to creep in. You're bored. You want more. Your friends - the new ones keep getting sick, some have died, some are dying. Your friends - the old ones - many assume your ok, others know you aren't but don't know what to say. How do you escape? You really can't. You take active steps to reduce the amount of cancer in your life to that which is real. It helps. Social networking connects people who need help but it also opens up a world of misery and connections with people who you would never have become friends with in real life, where all you share is cancer. You decide to discriminate as you would pre-cancer - it helps because these new friends understand but you don't need to support and carry each of them - it is a burden too heavy. You focus on you, you family - your children, your partner - your own little world and what is good in it. Perhaps you try to deny again, you retreat to your dream where this is all a mistake - it's nice there but you know it's not real. Ax