A time capsule for my nauseated friends
I just had a shower. It’s been 18 months since my last chemo cycle date. And I had this shocking thought as I stared at the bathroom floor tiles: I can hardly remember the feeling of being constantly nauseated. The shower was my safe haven from sickness. I used to sit on the shower floor, crumpled up, too weak to stand to wash myself, sick as hell. Vomiting was just a way of life. I wholeheartedly believed it would NEVER END. And now I find it’s a memory, it’s so in the past. Never thought I’d live to see the day. So my message to you, the ones in the absolute midst of chemo nausea hell right now feeling like it will never stop, is this: One day you will have no idea when the last time you threw up was. You’ll be so far past nausea, you won’t even notice it’s gone. Hang on for that time. x
Final Chemo
Good Morning. I'm sitting here in HODC celebrating the end of my Chemotherapy today. 5 months ago, I wasn't sure I'd be able to make. I was so scared of leaving my husband and young boys. But here I am. While I still have 6 weeks of Radiotherapy to go and 3rd weekly Herceptin until the end of the year, I am feeling more positive. While I may not comment on many discussions, the support and advice you all give is amazing. It has helped in so many ways. I find you all so inspirational. So Thankyou from the bottom of my heart.
Technical K.O to you....take that BC!
REST, RECOVER, RESTORE..... Last week was a very emotional one! It marked the final week of active treatment, being radiotherapy and my 50th birhtday! My final 'date' with Machine Number 1 was Thursday 27th October, 2016....my ACTUAL birthday! I was greeted with the usual cheery Hello's and I walked into the bunker, the girls sang Happy Birthday! We all did a little 'Happy dance' and then I climbed onto the bed for my last measure up and blast of cancer killing rays.... During my time watching the machine do it's thing around me, I got to learn when I would be receiving my last zap for each session.....as the machine got closer to that spot this time, the tears started to flow.....by the time I had finished, they were pouring......I was soooo relieved, happy and a bit sad that it was over! The therapists all hugged me and wished me well and then escorted me to the Bell.......The ringing of the bell signifies the end of active treatment, being chemotherapy or radiotherapy..... The saying on the plaque says; Ring this bell three times well, It's toll to clearly say, My treatment's done, This course is run, and I am on my way! We gathered around that bell and I rang it three times LOUDLY! ....and then some more! LOL!... to the cheers and applause from the staff.... More tears, farewells and well wishing ensued and the staff presented me with a little cactus plant to remember them by......I gave them chocolates, which are always well recieved! I walked down the corridor, with my husband, from the radiation suite into the cancer clinic waiting room and out the front doors...... I MASSIVE wave of relief washed over me....I would not be, hopefully NEVER again walking into that clinic for anything other than follow up appointments..... The staff in these places are very special men and women, the things they must see and deal with on a daily basis, must effect them but they remain happy and compassionate regardless.....My chemo nurses were amazing too, sometimes my treatments would begin with tears, but they have a way of always making light of treatment time, but being fully understanding and supportive the whole time.......I will never forget them. I had to visit the radiation nurses after my last treatment to learn more about the burns and how to care for my skin in the months following....My skin had started to break down and I was shown how to apply special dressings and gel. I was told that the burns would continue to come out over the next two weeks and they weren't wrong! My skin is very red, peeling and swollen....Thank goodness I can't feel the main burn! I have lost feeling completely in that area....but I can feel the burns under my arm and on my side and in my armpit......It's not nice, let me tell you! I had the most amazing weekend as i held a party for my birhtday AND to celebrate finishing treatments! I can't express enough how great it was to have my family and friends with me to celebrate....I had an amazing time and as a result of dancing a bit too much maybe......is there even such a thing as dancing too much? I think not! LOL!.....the skin in my armpit broke open....... OUCH OUCH OUCH......I can feel this one!......not happy Jan :( So, this morning I took myself upto to the radiation nurses at the clinic....More boxes of dressings, gel and jel-o-net to take home... My bathroom now looks like a hospital supply room!...... But there is good news! I don't have to dress my burns on my foob any more! The skin has healed there nicely and the nurses were happy for me to just apply Moo Goo again from now on! So for the next week or so, I will apply the special gel and dress the burns under my arm and in my armpit....which is a bit awkward! but hopefully they too will be healed by my next appointment with the nurses on Monday! So, the weekend of celebration has come to an end.......I made it! I have so much to be thankful for.....so much to look forward to.... I have delivered my final punch.....it's a technical K.O for you , you bitch.....as far as I am concerned, You are GONE..... I AM cancer free...... Time to heal....rest, restore and get on with my new normal! Love and light to EVERYONE! Xx <3 xX
You're beautiful.
Just wanted to share something special. I met another inpatient shortly after my bilateral mastectomy - a 60+ gentleman. We'd catch up in the corridors on our respective walks and chat, including a little on why we were here. The morning he was discharged he popped around to say goodbye and surprised me by taking my hand and said 'And remember, you're always beautiful'. And then toddled off. That was so sweet! Hope you all remember that too, because you are all beautiful. x
News from the front
Well, it's been eight days since my bilateral mastectomy and I'm feeling great. I'm still in hospital and hopefully the fourth and final drain comes out tomorrow. There's a seroma on the drain-free side but with massage and showering it's draining well. My surgeon has cleared me to start yoga once the drain is out. I've been walking around and around the ward every day to get used to the changes in my body. Having about two kilos removed from my chest has effected my balance and my posture. I'm focusing on standing tall with my shoulders back. I love not having to wear a bra! I realise how constricting it's been to have that wide band of elastic around my chest. At this stage it looks like I'll be home on Tuesday and ready to start my new breast-free cancer-free life. So excited! Meg x
Going Stong - Update
To all the beautiful pink ladies, I thought I'd update you all on my netball team's (Jervois 'Bluds') Grand Final. We went into the game very much the underdogs with the local newspaper saying "On the seasons performance, Ramblers and Jervois are miles apart.....My Tip Ramblers". Needless to say we were very enthused about being in the Final and was going to give it all we had as we had nothing to loose. WE WON!!!! 29 - 43 The whole team and netball club are over the moon as my team was the only one to win a premiership this year. It's been a week and a half and we are still celebrating. If you read my last post "Going Strong" you know that I was not expecting to actually get on court but would be baraking on my team from the bench, well I am so happy to report that not only did I get on court but I played half a game. I am so proud of my coach, as while I was on court one of the teams suposed supporters made a unnecessary comment about me wearing gloves when playing netball. She turned around to the person and promptly told them off telling them that I had medical clearance to wear gloves as I had been diagnosed with Breast Cancer which promptly shut the person up. When I was told about this later by a teammate and friend who was sitting on the bench at the time I was so proud to have her as a coach even though we did not always agree. I would like to thank you all for reading what was meant to be a short post, :-)
Lessons
What have I learned? I have learnt that I am not Breast Cancer. It is just a medical condition I have. It is only a part of me, it does not define me, it is not the sum of who I am. I have learnt to "get off my BUT". There is no room in my life for BUT I don't have time, BUT I can't, BUT, BUT, BUT. Do I want to do it? Then I will make time for it. Whatever IT is. I will stuff life into the nooks and crannies between BC. I have learnt I am braver and tougher than I ever imagined. I have also learnt that I don't have it as tough as others do and to Suck It Up Princess.
2 weeks since my op
It's 2 weeks today since my op and I can't believe how fast that time has gone by. I went back to my surgeon on Thursday and she was very happy with my progress. She took my dressings off and redressed the area where my scars are and over my nipples as they were a bit irritated. She also said as feeling returns your nipples can become quite sensitive so it's better if they're covered. I go back again on April 11 and hopefully all my dressings will come off then. My dressings are waterproof so it's easy to shower but I miss having a bath. Everyday is a new experience physically at the moment. My pec muscle goes from being fairly comfortable to incredibly tight in a short space of time. The cold weather has really been a surprise, it's amazing how I now feel it in my pec muscle, it kinda burns. I've already realised how much I'll be wearing my sleeveless jackets when I'm out walking this winter. I've found that a heat pack on my back between my shoulders helps ease the tension in my pecs somehow. I've also found walking helps but sometimes you feel a little out of breath but once you get used to that it does help. I've still been walking everyday anywhere between 5 a and 7kms. I spent all day yesterday with family and had a great day but was exhausted by the end of it. It's easy to think you're invincible and take on too much, so I slept in today and have taken it very easy. I'm taking nurofen or Panadol in the mornings and just before I go to bed but it doesn't really do much for the tight feeling so don't bother during the day. Still feel like I'm improving everyday and think mentally if you've got it together its a massive help, and I think a big part of my mental strength comes from my physical fitness.
