So very scared

Hi all,

This is my first time on the network. Happy Easter to everyone.

I am a 42 year old with three children: 8, 7 and 19 months. 

I was breastfeeding when 2 months ago I was told I had mastitis. After a few consults with local GP I got a biopsy and found out that it was malignant. My tumor is 9cm! Can't say that I've found many stories of a tumor that size on the internet. My journey has been rather up and down. First I was told that it was inflammatory, then I was told that it wasn't.  No one discussed with me that I was TN. I had to find out on the internet and brought it to the attention of my oncologist.  The term and its  prognosis were never discussed with me.  I was completely overwhelmed as well.  Here I was trying to get the kids ready for the new school year and my world all of a sudden got turned upside down. How is one to cope witht the news "You have cancer".  Surely this isn't happening to my family and it is all a bad dream.

As the others have posted, it does become somewhat more manageable as time goes on. I have my moments but they are farther apart than when I initially found out. Use all the resources available to you.  We live in the southwest of WA and so your options are more limited than a big city but I have tried to find everything available to me. The Cancer Council, breast care nurses, counselling.

I am having  doxetaxol for the whole 6 treatments. I am half way there. I have been told that I will then have a single mascetomy and 6 weeks of radiation. I would like a double but my surgeon doesn't advise it.  I am also a public patient. I am hoping that with my insistence he might agree as it would be easier for reconstruction etc. Because of the size of my tumor a lumpectomy is not an option unfortunately. I am very nervous about surgery - being a public patient I think my reconstruction could take awhile.

I find the first week after chemo is a struggle but on the whole it is not as bad as I thought. Hopefully the next three will not be worse than the first three.

As for the information on the internet, I only review the good and there is a lot of positive stories out there.  It is so hard to do - but say to yourself every time you look at your children "I am going rid myself of this disease" so that everyone can get on with their lives

Read up on diet - I have cut out all red meat, dairy and most importantly sugar. Exercise when you can. 

Went to the surgeon last week and my tumor is now less than 3cm. I am crossing my fingers every day. I have always been a glass half empty type of person but I am slowly learning that you have to live life with the glass half full. Breathe deep!