more surgery

Vinn,

I completely understand where you are coming from. I know I feel when is enough enough? especially when you did all the right things and at the advice of professionals. I know with my recurrence, I was sooo angry, I mean really??? lumpectomy, radiation and 4yrs of tamoxifen and it came back??? and it was only DCIS in 2011. On yearly checkups and what?? I have 3rd stage aggressive in my scar? how is that even possible, nobody could explain it. I dont regret the treatment I chose, but I tell you what!!! I was so incredibly angry over it and fought with my Oncologist of the Chemo..which I did in the end...but no sooner did I finish and was literally so broken from it, did he say I was unusual?? because most women after a recurrence are begging for a mastectomy!!! Im like the Breast Surgeon said after the 2nd lumpectomy last year, it was as good as a mastectomy and served no purpose, so why would I think it necessary now?? after chemo and Im on Arimidex now. Honestly the meds dont bother me...but I made it clear seriously I couldnt manage chemo again.

I have decided on a mastectomy and reconstruction which will happen early next year, but Im not convinced or entirely happy about it. Like you when is it enough?? seriously?? how much do we have to go through?? Im actually doing holistic approaches now too, honestly Ive never felt better as chemo left me crippled...thanks to a Kinesiologist of all things, OMG who would have thought, I am starting to really heal now. 

Everyone has the right to choose what and how much, Ive lived my life for everyone else am a single parent had very little support through both breast cancers and I work full time. Amazing how strong and resilient you find yourself. I certainly am doing what I need to do as I see it. The thing is I remember everyone saying OHHH you have to do chemo you have to think of your kids??? Ummmm and I remember saying If I cannot do this for me, then I cannot do it for anyone else. People say a lot of well meaning things...but nobody knows the depths of what we all go through...physically, mentally and emotionally. I have learnt to put me first, and to love me through it all...thats been the best part. 

So Vinn, you are allowed to say its enough! be angry, upset all of it..we are human, we are entitled, and its good to feel every damn thing we feel because only then can WE rise up to do whats necessary, its not anyone else in our lives that has to...its just US. 

Im wishing for you now, to be able to finish with it all and move forward into a new happy future. 

Hugs xo Melinda