Forum Discussion
Friends say the dumbest things
I have chosen to tell a select few friends for support but now wondering about a couple of those. I guess time will tell who is who on this with me. I was feeling emotional 3 days after surgery and p...
Dear @Cath62
Presumably she is a friend of some standing. And she may have genuinely felt that what you wanted, rather than sympathy and comfort, was practical advice. One of the things that many people encounter, particularly in the early days of their diagnosis and treatment, is that the responses of friends and family can be unexpected and even disconcerting. Cancer is still a fearful subject to many and they retreat from it (and by implication, you). Others are overwhelmed by your emotions. Your friend’s comments were probably meant to be helpful but come across as unfeeling. She is of course correct - a support group can be a great asset and sadly you are in a rather large club. So don’t spend too much time thinking or fretting about it - seek the comfort you need right now elsewhere, but when the time is right and her practical comments resonate better, remember why you valued her friendship and reach out again. Best wishes.
Presumably she is a friend of some standing. And she may have genuinely felt that what you wanted, rather than sympathy and comfort, was practical advice. One of the things that many people encounter, particularly in the early days of their diagnosis and treatment, is that the responses of friends and family can be unexpected and even disconcerting. Cancer is still a fearful subject to many and they retreat from it (and by implication, you). Others are overwhelmed by your emotions. Your friend’s comments were probably meant to be helpful but come across as unfeeling. She is of course correct - a support group can be a great asset and sadly you are in a rather large club. So don’t spend too much time thinking or fretting about it - seek the comfort you need right now elsewhere, but when the time is right and her practical comments resonate better, remember why you valued her friendship and reach out again. Best wishes.