My hair is coming off tomorrow :-(

I was terrible when I was diagnosed - all I could think about was how was I going to cope losing my Identity???  Then my beautiful Breast Cancer Nurse said how long is your hair??  Have you thought of donating it to the childrens Alapicia Foundation?  Suddenly felt so good that my loss would be someone gain - booked in the Hairdresser to cut my hair short in preparation.  On my last day of working grabbed my Mum had a lovely day out with lunch to prepare for the haircut.  To donate your hair had to be a minimum of 30cm - mine came in at 25cm - well that was it - I just started to cry so hard - my wonderful thought of doing a loss for a gain was not going to be.  I asked Mum to sit next to me as now it was becoming all too real - suddenly it dawned on me "Yes I have Cancer" - I also had convinced myself that someone was going to tell me that it is ok now - sorry it has all been a mistake, getting my hair cut made it very REAL.

I had lost my beautiful Dad to cancer only 3 years before - suddenly this crappy disease was consuming me too - then I cried harder & suddenly I looked around and realised I had the entire Hairdressing Salon crying with me.

After my first Chemo round the hair started to fall on a Monday little by little by the Thursday it was coming out thick and fast.  I too could not take the tingling feeling - the worst was anything touching my head - really ouccchhyyy, so I asked my sister to do the shave, we made a day of it by me going to her place having lunch and then the big chop.  Again it was a sad day, as soon as the hair come off my Mum started to cry - I asked what was wrong - "Oh she said you look so much like your Dad"  - that was it we all started to cry.

Now on Sept 3 have had my last Round of Chemo - I have embraced my loss as my "Gain" - I am on the home stretch and my hair will eventually return - I have made a fashion statement of wearing my scarves and headwear - I have on so many occassions been given compliments - so really my loss at the end of this will be my personal gain - I have learnt to embrace me on a higher level - my hair does not define me - I define me.  I am now looking so forward to my new hair do - when it grows that is.

Losing your hair is so hard - but I have realised that for me this journery has been likened to a catapillar going into a cocoon only to come out a beautiful butterfly - I started this journey in Winter and now will blossom into a beautiful Butterfly in Spring - Operation booked for October 8 - the butterfly is almost ready to fly.....