My hair is coming off tomorrow :-(

I had my hair shaved off completely the minute I had the tingly on my scalp. I remember even a light breeze hurt. I remember thinking shaving my hair when I chose to was about the only control I was going to get in this whole journey. A very close friend of mine is my hairdresser and she works at a home salon so we arranged to do it when noone was there. I woke 6 days after my first chemo to hair on my pillow and my pubic hair literally washed away down the drain that morning in the shower... I called my 21 year old daughter at uni and said " honey I've got my first Brazilian happening here and I havnt had to pay a cent, I'm doing it with a washer" I decided it would be too emotional for my beautiful friend deb to shave my hair off but I had no idea how hard it would be to find a hairdresser who would. Several hairdressers said no... They wouldn't even clipper it very short. Deb had already cut it quite short in preparation compared to its usually long length. She knew the devastation felt of seeing it falling out in clumps. A lovely hairdresser in a little local salon agreed to do it and whilst she cried at my story as I left close to bald I chose to do my groceries at woolies as I was... No scarf etc and I remember thinking why are all these people staring at me. I feel fantastic. What made it hard for me was on the dark days when you wanted to stay at home and hide people knew I was a cancer patient and that was what I really disliked. The stares and the man opposite me at the self serve at Coles who verbally said Ohhh ohh over and over I didn't want the stares and especially not the sympathy. My children were older... My daughter 21 and my boys 19 and 15. My youngest asked if I could wear a scarf or beanie when I picked him up from school as he didn't want his mates to know as he said " its private to us mum and they might treat me differently if they know you are sick ". My older kids said go bald mum, we love you as a baldy. I was lucky to be comfy as a baldy. I wore scarves a little bit and on cold days I had my favourite beanie someone had knotted and donated to the chemo ward. I never did the wig thing as it just wasn't me. I remember my gorgeous bcna bestie Mich emailing me the day she finally went wig free as well as when she had her first haircut. I was devastated when I lost my eye lashes and eye brows completely one morning I woke and my lashes were gone and my eyebrows wiped off with a washer. That was the day I booked into look good feel better. Linda everyone copes with all the different obstacles so differently. Hopefully by sharing our stories with you someone can post something that will make you feel better at this difficult time. As bad as you may feel about things keep a photo record as you may regret it if you don't. I look back at photos and it makes me remember how far and how much I went through and that makes you stronger I think. I have a pic of me at my last chemo with my fluff on my head dyed hot pink. My daughter and I loved doing it together and when the chemo nurses asked what we wre doing to celebrate my 16 chemos were over I took off my beanie and we all laughed. All the best Linda Take care and remember all the pink sisters here ready to hold your hand and walk the path with you xxx