Forum Discussion
Here Goes
Hello. My name is Jenny and I live on the NSW/Vic Border. I have gone to post in here a couple of times but backed out. Denial maybe?
On Wednesday I was officially given the diagnosis of BC. I have had a large lump for around a year but I have 26JJ sized breasts and the lump is down along where the bra wire sits. I put it down to thickening because of the bra wire. I recently started Lite N Easy and after loosing around 10kg I noticed that the lump was much larger than I thought. It has its own postcode ;p Its 5cm x 3cm x 2cm.
So I did the mammo and ultrasound and knew when I called for results, that the urgency by my GP to get me in to see her, that something was very wrong. That day I had bloods, CT scan and was booked in for biopsy. All along I was doing as much research as possible. Armed with knowledge I have always found it easier to deal with things. Must be part of the anxiety I have day in and out.
I met my surgeon on Wednesday who gave me the diagnosis. I was alone at the appointment and was in shock, none the less. I guess I was hoping it was just a mass that they just wanted to remove for safety sake. I do remember asking him what type of Cancer and I vaguely remember him saying Metastatic and that its very common. I am booked in for a lumpectomy and node removal on the 22nd. (Tuesday Week). I am then too do 5 weeks radiation.
I've got all of that in my head and ready to deal with. But now I am reading all of the paraphernalia and Metastatic means I have it in other places in my body? Do they know where? Does this mean I will probably have to do chemo after radiation?
I know I am overthinking all of this and should take it one day at a time. I work 3 days a week and also on partial DSP. Being at work keeps my mind off things. I am planning on taking vacation leave for the rest of the week after my lumpectomy. I am so grateful that my oldest of 2 (daughter) is able to travel up from Melbourne to bring me home from the surgery and stay with me for a couple of days.
Another questions. I had been using implannon rod to control my periods, over the years. The last one was put in around 2011 and is still in my arm somewhere. As I have very thick arms I cant feel it and haven't bothered about it. I believe that it has run out of the hormones anyway after all of this time. Is this something I should tell my surgeon about?
I have so many questions. When will I start radiation? Will someone contact me or do I contact them?
I met my Breast Care Nurse but she was heading on vacation to France the next day. I have the number of another one and I will phone her and make contact with her this week.
It's like my whole life is about the Cancer now. I am being strong in front of everyone else but these times at home alone I am terrified.
Sorry if this is all over the shop but that is how my head works. I have been treated and continue to be treated for Depression an Anxiety for close to 20 years and have only recently found a good balance. The Lite N Easy journey was me actually caring about myself. Some days I shake so much it looks like I am having a min seizure.
Usually I am upbeat and cheeky and able to find the lighter sign of things. But tonight I am low.
Any insights would be wonderful.
365 Replies
- Exactly @Zoffiel, don't touch their chair arms or their magazines. Every Dick, Tom and Harry with a snotty nose, herpes cold sores or F**k knows what has either wiped their nose. or worse, licked their finger then turned the page on these items, You then, poor sucker, arrive, lick your finger then turn that same cootie laden page and Ring - a - ding -ding...get sick. My go to technique is to wear a jacket with two bloody big pockets, and keep my hands in them so as not to touch all this bug soup in the waiting room.
- The most dangerous place for infection is a doctor's office. Park as close as possible, walk in and register, give them your mobile number and then go and wait in your car. They can call you when they are ready for you.
Some doctors door bitches do not like this option. Lean on the desk, ask them what the issue is, pull a cat's bum face when they reply and offer them a breath mint. Works every single time. - Hi @TabooGal Hope all goes well for you and will be thinking of you. I will not be to far behind with my first chemo. Had my second surgery and went back to be told I now need a third surgery but will be having my chemo first before I face that one. I have the same feelings as with you,some day's I just want to get under the doona and hide. Life is just one big emotional rollercoaster. I totally agree with @onemargie about avoiding work this time of year, would hate to get a cold or flu going through chemo. I haven't had dates yet but will probably start within the next 3 weeks or so. I was really lucky that my work as part of the EBA covers income protection for us. I couldn't even imagine trying to get through without that. Let me know how you go. I get the gist from some of these beautiful people here that when we overthink all the worst scenarios of how we might feel and cope with first chemo it might come as a surprise that we can really get through this. Here's hoping. hugs xox
- Hi there @TabooGal. You’ve had such great advice from all the crew on here and it’s so reassuring isn’t it that once you get started with your trestment you know you are kicking bc in the balls. It’s the waiting isn’t it that’s the worst. I was pretty bent on the phenergan after my chemo so I had my hubby drive me to and from. I had 4 rounds of Ac chemo two weeks apart and 4 rounds of taxol 4 weeks apart. I had triple neg stage 2a grade 3 (3cm tumor) 8 lymph nodes Taken but they were all clear along with my scans. There are lots thst keep working through treatment and I hope you can too. I stopped as I’m a nurse and it was peak winter when I was having chemo so I didn’t want to catch any cooties that would delay my trestment. Glad you’ve had your flu shot too that will help. We are all here holding your hand lovely. Big hug. Margie xx
- I think the main thing re driving yourself there & back (apart from insurance) - could be not just 'concentrating enough', possibly causing accidents with innocent people.
I know that that was one of the main factors for me not driving daily to my radiation appointments in Port Mac (about 1.5hrs each way.) My husband has moderate/severe dementia & no way would I allow him to drive those distances now - & I wasn't sure my own mental state would be 'good enough, concentration wise' - so opted to stay up there instead and only come home on the weekends.
Definitely try & line someone up to take you & bring you back if you can - then there is so much less stress on yourself, too. xx - @Joannie I hadn't even thought about insurance coverage! I am hoping I can work the next day at least. I only work Mon Wed and Friday. Chemo on Tuesday. Would only mean missing Friday which seems to be the down time from what I have read.
I'll just have to wait and see xxx @eastmum I do find it hard to relinquish my independence. Yesterday I actually asked for help to move a heap of heavy boxes around. Everyone would gladly help me but I have to ask them or they have no idea.
A sweet friend has offered to drive me to my treatment and possibly home after depending on an appointment she has.
@kezmusic How strong are you! Organising all of those events. Yes I agree not driving to my first AC. I was talking to one of the girls at work and realised that a lot of the anxiety is about what will happen on Tuesday. Once I know the routine I hope I relax. I am one of those people if I have an appointment somewhere and I have never been there before, I need to find the address a couple of days earlier.
@kiwiangel I'll learn soon enough. Really hoping to eventually drive myself there and back. Fortunately I only have 4 infusions planned so far and they are 3 weeks apart.
Love you all
Jenny xxx
- @TabooGal - I had chemo (TC) just round the corner from home so I walked there and back and would of been fine to drive each time - probably depends on your type of chemo and how you handle it as everyone is different. xoxox
- Hi @TabooGal,
We've all been on that up and down nasty roller coaster. One minute your like bring it on, I got this. and the next your curled up in the corner in a dark cloud. It's very very normal.
If you can get a lift for the first one I would suggest it as well. The AC made me a bit light headed and off balance for a few hours afterwards so I didn't drive to any of them, but did drive myself the whole time on the Paclitaxel.
Our brains like to conjure up worst case scenarios for some very strange reason only known to itself and the fear of the unknown is the hardest part. However, some of us get through much better than we ever thought after reading all those side effects.
If you are prepared for the worst you might just be pleasantly surprised. I went back to work after chemo number 2 and worked part time the whole way through. I only had to take two days off if I remember correctly.
My family had a huge end of year that year. I managed all the birthday parties, formals, graduations, Christmas etc and had a great time at all of them. I continued to go with my husband to his camp drafts, camped in the back of the horse float and partied in the bar with the cowboys.
Some days were crap but there was a lot more that weren't. Just because they till you all these things might happen that doesn't mean they will. Look after yourself lovely. I have my fingers and toes crossed for you.
One day at a time, one step at a time and before you know it you'll be out at the other end.
xoxoxo
