I know this must be terrible news for you, and you are very brave in trying to look at your future realistically. But many people live with cancer and so your next steps are to get more information about your treatment options. You sound as if you have some very strong incentives to help you look for the best outcomes, not just fear the worst. You've had the strength and tenacity to get through chemo and radiotherapy, so there is a well to draw on again to get information, facts and advice. I am sure others who have faced this news can share their experiences with you. All of that will help you through this period and how to deal with it. My best wishes.