Hi max1ebob,
I'm a late jumper-in-era onto the end of your post but I hope you have managed to connect up with some of these amazing women who know exactly what you are going through.
I am not sure if you have come across the online group 'Women living with advanced breast cancer' as yet? But there are close to 200 members living with secondary breast cancer which you can also connect in with. If you think it would help - join the group and make an introductory post - http://www.bcna.org.au/group/4218
If you need a hand finding your way around just shout ~Daina