I don't think it's reasonable to expect yourself to cope @Glynnis You've been told you have metastatic cancer, how the hell does one 'cope' with that? It's a bloody nightmare and more power to you that you are even trying to rationalise it.
I think we learn early how to deal with distress in our personal way. Me, I either have a massive tanty then get ice cold clinical or do the clinical first and the tantrum later. Can't get through any of life's disasters without employing both tactics. I just wish I could either drop the tantrum or better deploy it. I'm trying; rather than salvaging something with a heartbeat or pointlesslly thrashing around yelling, I try to channel that energy into beating up my wood pile. That 'personal growth' is a work in process.
I'm so sorry this has happened. Mxx