Sending hugs, @Cate64. You know you are never really alone with all of us here to listen anytime.
It really is a roller coaster for you. One minute on top of things and medals for your running! You are so impressive :) and then the worry again. Do you have a counselor or someone professional to talk with? I can only imagine how difficult this all is and surely some support of this sort should be accessible for you.
Just picture all of your online support crew coming along with you next week. Hope there is room in the waiting room. xxx