Hello lovely @Cate64, You know what, your fears and dread are also in attendance at your party. You who are so incredibly strong, phenomenal in your outlook and zest for life - be kind to yourself and gentle and have a big cry!! Have you also stopped to think that your feeling down may be a side effect of your recent anaesthetic? If you are worrying inordinately use the phone counselling. Service 1800 500 258 - it cannot hurt you to utilise this and certainly may help alleviate some of your fears. A month is too long to stress lovely. Big big hugs. Xx