Well, it's week two of Stay The Fuck Home and the strange is progressing. I've realised I'm doing an odd thing; behaving like I'm sick.
I've well and truly recovered from my treatment (as much as we ever do) but now I've got to keep giving myself mental slaps to remind myself of that. Being home isn't an issue, in fact I quite like it, but I need to stop this nonsense which is not easily explained.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with me, but the whole anxiety thing of wondering is going to cause me grief today has returned.
I got laid off work, along with 5 other casuals. None of us have heard anything from our manager; not a call or email to see how we are coping. No information about whether we will be eligible for that latest round of funding through the JobKeeper program. Nothing.
Luckily, we are all in contact which is a great comfort, but the feeling of abandonment is nasty. Wondering what is happening. Feeling under threat and out of control. Catastrophising. The constant scanning for signs of disaster. Stressing about finances (which is completely unnecessary) Wondering if I'll ever get back to 'normal'. Sound familiar?
I'm doing all the recommended things. Exercising, maintaining relationships, albeit through different channels. Keeping busy. Enjoying the weather. And stressing like mad.
I'm quite sure that I'm not alone in this--the whole PTSD business is real for many of us. It really needs to stop.
