The Secret Suckiness Of Life After Breast Cancer

@"Summer Prevails" I have definitely sensed the judgement too, maybe I’m just sensitive, but it’s turned into a sort of ‘survivor guilt’. I was diagnosed mets de novo mets 4 years ago. Everyone expected me to die (not that they said it to my face mind you) but here I still am … and I look (and appearances can certainly be deceiving!!) remarkably well. So people constantly tell me stories about people they know, or know of, who had similar health issues and died. And it feels sort of accusatory (if that’s even a word). I feel like they’re really saying ‘Why are you not dead?’ ‘What makes you so special that you’re still here and [name] is gone?’. And I don’t know why. Even the doctors and oncologists I’ve seen are puzzled and just keep saying I’m a statistical outlier. And I should feel happy. But actually I feel really guilty. I’m not special. I’m just an average person with no particular gifts. I won’t change the world or achieve great things. I feel like I don’t deserve to have good days or be well. I also wonder if people think maybe I lied or exaggerated my condition. I guess we can’t win 😖