The Secret Suckiness Of Life After Breast Cancer

At the beginning of 2017 (I was 51), I decided to end my marriage. There was money, security, a beautiful house, a great social life, but there was no love, it was just so empty. My children had finished school, so this was my opportunity to live the life that I wanted. I knew then how short life could be. I lost my mother when I was 16 and my father at 24.  In 2018, I bought a place in St Kilda and my world came crashing down with a diagnoses of severe depression. Like BC if you haven’t experienced it, you have no bloody idea. So once my GP (brilliant man) found the right meds, life turned around and the sun started shining again (will always be on meds). Two days before Xmas 2018, needed a D & C, and gyno (another brilliant man) threw in a CT of my torso just for good measure and low and behold a thickening in my left boob. Xmas eve breast cancer, 7th Jan started chemo.

I don’t know what to make of life now - as my BS says “Amanda, just try and stay in the day” - for the spiritual- try to be present, try to be conscious. So hard sometimes!!.

I had visions of travel, re- partnering, cooking, gardening, spending time on getting to know the real me again. I lack energy and inclination, but I put a smile on my face and keep going and sort out problems at work (all of which are first world “we have no almond milk ......”. How I would love to turn around and say “I won’t have a boob in 4months”, but I don’t ......... I still have a long way to go, like so many of us. Xx