The Secret Suckiness Of Life After Breast Cancer
https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2017/10/176194/life-after-breast-cancer-survivor-story?
Forum Discussion
Oh @"Summer Prevails" I do hope that's true. I am finding my life mostly an utter grim miserable slog. And yes, it does feel permanent.
I don't look back very often but today I've been seized by the refrain of "I wish I could go back to how it was, I want my old life back". I know no good comes of this way of thinking so I'm trying to turn my brain away from this thought as best I can.
I get upset looking at pre-cancer photos too. Shit, I got upset looking at a young couple with a son and baby daughter in a cafe today. They were where I was 15 years ago. I looked at them simultaneously envying them for their innocence and hope, and pitying them for the misery that life will heap on them.
Cancer has wrecked my eyebrows too. They are no longer even; one side being far too short, not extending enough to the middle, and both patchy.
The pain I referred to was the river of pain that flows inside me that some days, most days, threatens to sweep me away. I try not to let it come out, I try not to write about it here. But I can't talk about it with anyone irl except my psychologist and I can't afford to see her as often as I'd like. It's despair as you say, that little will be good for the remainder of my life. I'm trying, I'm trying so hard. Occasionally I string together some days where life is passable, but mostly it's pain and deep sadness. Plus AI bone pain.
Everyone here says it will get better. You've got a terrific way with words, "increeeeedibly slooow evolution we must go through, to get not back to our old selves, but to ARRIVE at the place where we have fully let go of the sadness". Will we really? I can't see it right now.
I don't recognise myself. I think the AI is deepening and lengthening my depression. I'll keep trying and hope the ship turns, but it's getting harder.
I'm glad you're feeling brighter @"Summer Prevails". Long may it stay that way. K xox
I don't look back very often but today I've been seized by the refrain of "I wish I could go back to how it was, I want my old life back". I know no good comes of this way of thinking so I'm trying to turn my brain away from this thought as best I can.
I get upset looking at pre-cancer photos too. Shit, I got upset looking at a young couple with a son and baby daughter in a cafe today. They were where I was 15 years ago. I looked at them simultaneously envying them for their innocence and hope, and pitying them for the misery that life will heap on them.
Cancer has wrecked my eyebrows too. They are no longer even; one side being far too short, not extending enough to the middle, and both patchy.
The pain I referred to was the river of pain that flows inside me that some days, most days, threatens to sweep me away. I try not to let it come out, I try not to write about it here. But I can't talk about it with anyone irl except my psychologist and I can't afford to see her as often as I'd like. It's despair as you say, that little will be good for the remainder of my life. I'm trying, I'm trying so hard. Occasionally I string together some days where life is passable, but mostly it's pain and deep sadness. Plus AI bone pain.
Everyone here says it will get better. You've got a terrific way with words, "increeeeedibly slooow evolution we must go through, to get not back to our old selves, but to ARRIVE at the place where we have fully let go of the sadness". Will we really? I can't see it right now.
I don't recognise myself. I think the AI is deepening and lengthening my depression. I'll keep trying and hope the ship turns, but it's getting harder.
I'm glad you're feeling brighter @"Summer Prevails". Long may it stay that way. K xox