Post Treatment Letdown
I am just over a year from my initial diagnosis of breast cancer. I had a lumpectomy and node clearance a week after diagnosis, started 6 months of chemo about 4 weeks later, radiotherapy about 6 week...
Forum Discussion
Hi Jenny. I'm so sorry you feel this way. Deeply sorry because I feel exactly the same. I think a few others will jump on and confirm that this is not at all unusual.
I came out of my BMX & DIEP feeling resolute and a little optimistic about rebuilding my life and making some positive changes. But after three months this had faded away and my mental health was deteriorating. Survivorship is not easy and the aftermath of breast cancer diagnosis & treatment can be complex and overwhelming.
This is due in no small way to the complete withdrawal of estrogen in your body. I'm on Letrozole as well. Depression is listed as a side effect, and fatigue. And you'll have the latter anyway from chemo & radiation... Estrogen interacts with serotonin to produce feel good chemicals in our brains. Hard to do when there is none.
Everyone around us expects us to be happy it's 'over' and to bounce back into everyday life, often with a greet-the-dawn-with
-a-yoga-pose-on-a-clifftop type of enthusiasm. It's boring and difficult to explain how you're not due to a cancer diagnosis/breast removal/menopause/medication side effects.
I have no answers. I am struggling. Everyone who's been through it tells me it does come to an end, that I will eventually get better. Everything about BC seems to take time. It schools us in patience.
I am chasing down every method of alleviating any of my suffering. I've tried magnesium, krill oil and curcumin supplements (only the latter had a slight effect) which work for some people. I'm on antidepressants for the first time in my life and see a psychologist. I'm currently trying acupuncture and today have got a referral from my GP to the Menopause After Cancer clinic at the Royal Women's.
The 13 months since active treatment finished has seen me edge closer to acceptance that this is my lot now. That seeking to make it better is a fool's errand, but to instead focus on coping. It's been slow and intensely hard, but a small shift has occurred.
Baby steps Jenny. It's not long since you've had a huge surgery. It takes time. Can you plan a holiday, or something in the medium term to pleasantly anticipate?
Do you have a psychologist that you like? A few sessions might help. As writing your post made you feel better, a few chats with a counsellor might help in the same way. Mine suggested journalling when I feel especially bad. I never thought it would help, but bizarrely it kind of does in the moment. By writing them down it places some distance between you and your thoughts. And reinforces the fact that that you are not your thoughts.
There's all sorts of things you can try. And as always, different things work for different people.
I wish I could help you more. Just know that what you're feeling is very normal. Let it all hang out here, we get it all too well.
I am not who I was before breast cancer (read my bio for details), and adjusting to and accepting that is profoundly complex. I've only now in the last month, started to feel I've taken my first step down that path. The pain is in the struggle.
I hope you feel better soon. K xox
PS I didn't fancy any of the support groups in my area so I started my own! It's been fantastic so far; is that something you could see yourself doing? Just had lunch with one of the women who is having her recon tomorrow. I needed cheering up and she needed distraction. Worked a treat!
I came out of my BMX & DIEP feeling resolute and a little optimistic about rebuilding my life and making some positive changes. But after three months this had faded away and my mental health was deteriorating. Survivorship is not easy and the aftermath of breast cancer diagnosis & treatment can be complex and overwhelming.
This is due in no small way to the complete withdrawal of estrogen in your body. I'm on Letrozole as well. Depression is listed as a side effect, and fatigue. And you'll have the latter anyway from chemo & radiation... Estrogen interacts with serotonin to produce feel good chemicals in our brains. Hard to do when there is none.
Everyone around us expects us to be happy it's 'over' and to bounce back into everyday life, often with a greet-the-dawn-with
-a-yoga-pose-on-a-clifftop type of enthusiasm. It's boring and difficult to explain how you're not due to a cancer diagnosis/breast removal/menopause/medication side effects.
I have no answers. I am struggling. Everyone who's been through it tells me it does come to an end, that I will eventually get better. Everything about BC seems to take time. It schools us in patience.
I am chasing down every method of alleviating any of my suffering. I've tried magnesium, krill oil and curcumin supplements (only the latter had a slight effect) which work for some people. I'm on antidepressants for the first time in my life and see a psychologist. I'm currently trying acupuncture and today have got a referral from my GP to the Menopause After Cancer clinic at the Royal Women's.
The 13 months since active treatment finished has seen me edge closer to acceptance that this is my lot now. That seeking to make it better is a fool's errand, but to instead focus on coping. It's been slow and intensely hard, but a small shift has occurred.
Baby steps Jenny. It's not long since you've had a huge surgery. It takes time. Can you plan a holiday, or something in the medium term to pleasantly anticipate?
Do you have a psychologist that you like? A few sessions might help. As writing your post made you feel better, a few chats with a counsellor might help in the same way. Mine suggested journalling when I feel especially bad. I never thought it would help, but bizarrely it kind of does in the moment. By writing them down it places some distance between you and your thoughts. And reinforces the fact that that you are not your thoughts.
There's all sorts of things you can try. And as always, different things work for different people.
I wish I could help you more. Just know that what you're feeling is very normal. Let it all hang out here, we get it all too well.
I am not who I was before breast cancer (read my bio for details), and adjusting to and accepting that is profoundly complex. I've only now in the last month, started to feel I've taken my first step down that path. The pain is in the struggle.
I hope you feel better soon. K xox
PS I didn't fancy any of the support groups in my area so I started my own! It's been fantastic so far; is that something you could see yourself doing? Just had lunch with one of the women who is having her recon tomorrow. I needed cheering up and she needed distraction. Worked a treat!