Hey JSN,
I feel you right now.
I dont want to turn this into a whinge, but here goes....
I am the husband. My wife was diagnosed in June and the world's a different place now.
I am oceans away from my family. I talk to them everyday but it gives me no peace. They either want to talk about breast cancer or about...not breast cancer. Either way I don't feel connected. Like I'm not on the same planet as they are. The things that I used to think were important are still important to them. What do I care about holiday plans and cars and deck extensions? Otherwise they want to talk about cancer and I dont get any peace from that either. I've always been the mediator and the peacemaker in the family, and now I think their issues are meaningless. And their interests are boring and indulgent. So I end up feeling isolated because no one rings me.
My son asks me if I want to play Mario kart and I say "no."
All of this and it's not even me who is sick. I feel like a fraud. And I feel guilty. I wish it were me. I wish I could take it from her. I wish there was something I could do.
I'm not even a survivor and I'm replying to your message.
But I have hope. I have every reason to believe that this too shall pass. And I have the same blue Brisbane sky outside my window that you have. I can only offer you hope, and the assurance that you are not alone.
And if nothing else I can ask you to forgive yourself.
None of this is your fault.
